It’s The Way You Say It
The art of communication with psychological approaches
I understand what you mean, but the way you say it makes me angry!
Have you ever made people angry because of the things you said? Well, I did. Clearly, I was not born a communication prodigy like my younger sister. For her, communicating came easy ever since she was young. However, I refuse to simply give up just because I am not a natural interpersonal communicator. Therefore, I bought several books and learned how to speak in all types of situations.
Recently I bought this book called All Communications Is Psychology by Oh Su Hyang. I wouldn’t discuss everything inside the book. Instead, I want to give you some useful tips that I maintained after reading this book.
We Are Bound To Be Misunderstood
There are times when we choose not to speak because we are afraid that people will misunderstand what we actually meant. Well, from now on, please change this mindset.
We are bound to be misunderstood. No matter how similar people are based on their interests, upbringings, and backgrounds. People will misunderstand you. This is because people experience different things, and have different receptions from the experiences. Therefore, If you need to communicate something, just tell them.
In line with that, you, as a sender of information, have the obligation to make your receiver, understand what you mean. Do make effort so that you are on the same page with the person you’re communicating with.
Hearing Is Not The Same With Listening
Hearing means you perceive any kind of sound without understanding its meaning. Meanwhile, listening means giving attention to what the other person is saying.
When you’re communicating with someone, try to listen attentively. Put yourself in their shoes. Let’s say you’re having an argument with your friend. Try to understand why they don’t agree with your opinion. What kind of person he is? What kind of education does he get? How could he come up with that kind of mindset?
Try to get inside of his head. Imagine if you become him.
Don’t only think about yourself. Be thoughtful.
Use Positive Tone When Talking To Someone
Sentence A
“Oh My God. I’m so sorry that I made you wait. You must be angry.”
Sentence B
“Thank you for your patience. I had a little work to do before. Shall we start our meeting? ”
Can you feel the difference between sentences A & B?
The situation is the same, you come late for a meeting with your client. But, Imagine you’re the person waiting. Which sentence do you prefer?
Sentence B has a negative tone and can potentially make your client angry because you made them wait for a long time, and you just pointed that out. It’s like you’re pouring gasoline to fire. Meanwhile, sentence B has a positive tone and gives a sense of comfort to your client. This is one example in business settings. It gives an entirely different vibe just through simple sentences. It also shows the other person what kind of individual you are just by talking.
Adjust Your Voice Tone In Different Situations
When we are angry, we tend to raise our voices which makes the other person feel offended. This is because the other person doesn’t like being shouted at. Being angry is normal. We can express anger, but we need to keep our pitch low. That way, the other person knows that we don’t like what he has done. You can say:
“I am not comfortable talking about this topic, please don’t do it again.”
You just give boundaries to the other person. He should not cross that line. Remember, the recipe for all kinds of relationships is to keep a proper distance. You can’t be too close, and yet can’t be too far from a person.
That are all useful tips that I got from the book. All credit goes to the author with a little bit of twist I added by myself. Hope you find this article useful.
Avrantsa is a 20s lady who recently started writing on Medium. Currently, she still exploring different niches in her writings. Her hobbies include reading books (fiction and non-fiction), watching Korean dramas and movies, playing guitar, editing videos, and cooking.
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