Personal Stories | This Happened to Me
Laughing All the Way To The Bank: Absurd Encounters with Banks and Borrowers In My Country.
No, they aren’t evenly matched, but we get revenge.
In my country, we have a unique brand of ‘help’ from organizations like banks, who seem determined to make life…well, let’s just say ‘interesting’ for the people. It’s like they took a crash course in ‘How to Take Maximum Advantage of Innocent Souls 101’. And boy, do people get creative to survive their dubious practices! It’s a comedy of errors on an epic scale.
Recently, I had two ‘funny’ encounters with two different online banks.
The first one came in the form of a message:
One Michael O. used your name for reference when he took a loan from us. If you do not want to be contacted by the police, you better tell him to reach out to us and pay up before this date…
I honestly thought it was a scam message and ignored it.
Another time, I got a call:
Caller: I am calling from XYZ Bank. Am I unto (my name)?
Me: Yup.
Caller: Can I call you Mrs or Miss?
Me: Whatever you choose. What’s this about?
Caller: One Mr. Chibuike X took a loan from us and put you down as a reference, and now he has defaulted. We have been trying to reach him, but we can’t. It is now on you to reach across to him and tell him to pay us or else.
Me: Before you gave him that loan, did you call me?
Caller: No…but you see…
Me: *interrupting*: Did he present any identification from me that I approved his use of my identity for that loan?
Caller: No, but…
Me: And now, you cannot reach him, and you want me, who was not involved in this matter in the beginning, to track down your client for you?
Caller: Madam, I…
Me: Don’t “Madam me,” sir, and don’t call my line again.
Caller: Wait…
I ended the call.
I was furious. And for both of the humans who used me for their reference in this way that I know of so far, I have never confronted them about it because, on the one hand, I understand the desperation that drives the people in my country while on the other, I find them dishonest.
There is, however, a bigger reason why I refuse to help the banks or confront those who misuse my name — they both get their due.
Let me explain. First, the online banks:
- They lend money to anyone and everyone who asks because they charge huuuuuuuge interest rates on the money. Imagine a 24%- 60% interest on money that you must pay back within a month or a maximum of 3 months.
- The banks don’t care about your growth. They have huge investors, and so they lend money, and immediately, it starts reading. No one cares about helping to educate the borrowers on their business — if it will make that money back as profit or general revenue. Approaching banks for loans says you have exhausted all your options (friends and relatives, as is the norm here), so the banks know you are desperate.
- The banks are never straightforward. What you are told isn’t what you sign. You hear so many words and have no lawyer with you to proofread what you sign. The tricks start showing up at month’s end when you must begin to repay the banks.
- These online banks must be given access to your phone contacts. (And that is where the borrowers get their own dues)
- They also have access to what is known as a Bank Verification Number (BVN). With this, even if you have four different banks you bank with, these banks can pull your money from anywhere because you sign over the right to them when you borrow their money.
Is it legal? Well, welcome to my country.
Second — The borrowers:
- Once you default (and most people default on these loans and not because they are inherently dishonest but because of the reality of the ridiculous interests that have now accrued), the first instinct of the borrower is to go underground.
Going underground is very easy in my country. You can buy a new sim card any day. You can always find a bank that will have you. And you can always lie about where you live and, apparently, name innocent bystanders as your referee.
So these banks will hit out in a way that can ruin the individual.
Some of their tactics include:
- Publishing false news of your death and with an obituary on all media platforms.
- Sending a message to all your contacts that you are wanted by the police for fraud and other dubious offenses.
- Publishing slander like “he is a pedophile wanted by the police” or “For a good time, call her (your name, picture, and number)” on all social media.
- Publishing your pictures and claiming more horrible things that you have done.
- Their agents have also been known to run after borrowers on the road, exchanging punches with them and generally causing them embarrassment.
These tactics by the banks are to shame and force the borrowers into paying. Every other day, there is new bizarre news between the banks and the borrowers, and of course, we all laugh.
There is no regulation. The government doesn’t care, and these practices continue to thrive.
So while it offends me that someone has misused my details to take out a loan, I do not bother with calling them on it. The banks can never legitimately come after me because they know they are in the wrong. Then for the ones who misuse my details, I know you are dishonest. Anyone else might lose their mind and confront you but not me.
You and the banks will battle it out, and there is my revenge.
Thank you for reading. How are bank practices where you live?
