Like Fine Wine, Aging Makes The Writing Better
Only because you keep at it.
There she was- Roxanne Gay, teaching writing for social change. As a writer with many years of failure and rejections, I made watching every Masterclass on writing my mission. So when I came across Roxanne Gay’s Masterclass- Writing For Social Change, I did not click because I knew her; I clicked because I was on a mission to get all the information on writing.
In terms of writers, I think there are two kinds in the world:
- those who sink their teeth into the craft. These people might get distracted now and then because the writing doesn’t sustain their living, and they might get tons of rejections, but they do not give up on writing despite years of rejection.
- Those who drift in and out. They may go in for contests and masquerade as writers, but they give up because they cannot keep going after multiple rejections.
I like to think I am in the first group. I have rejection letters all up in my face. I am more comfortable with a rejection than with a win. Wins give me anxiety because I will overthink all the reasons why I got accepted. These days, I get more wins, but after many years of “unfortunately, while this work is great, it does not line up with what we are currently considering…”, I am still very much on the lookout for those rejections.
Now, back to Roxanne Gay. I did not know her, but I found her Masterclass very impactful and not because she said much of what I had not heard but because while she was rounding up, she more of scoffed at 20'somethings crying about how they will give up because they are getting rejected. She said something about — getting more experience. For me, it was life-changing. While Roxanne Gay did not dwell on any of that, for me, it was still the most impactful thing I took from her class.
I was in a hurry to be ‘successful’ as a writer — still am, always was. But, rather than the validation I was seeking from the world and the pain of all these rejections, I was neglecting the fact that with each work, I was getting better — not worse and that was the point.
In different Masterclass lessons, I have gleaned a whole lot of information that the older writer in me appreciates now more than the younger writer me ever did, and I will share a few with you:
- I learned that Stephen King lets his work ‘sit’ for months, even up to a year.
As a younger writer, my ego was always tied to everything I wrote. I hid my work, and when I deigned to show it to someone to read, what I expected for feedback was undiluted and unabashed praise of my creativity, imagination, and awesomeness. My 20s were hurried. Have almost become a blur of speed and entitlement to a breakthrough. I am in my 30s now, and I am losing speed somewhat because I have no problem letting my work sit. I know now that this patience will help clear my head and open my eyes so that I can ‘kill my darlings’ and give the reader a better experience.
- I learned from Dan Brown that I should set a time bomb that will bring some sort of countdown and urgency to the work. There has to be a hurry to the climax.
Of course, the work has to end, but what keeps the pages flying through the reader’s fingers to the end? Dan Brown is right. Even if it is a love story, move the feet of the characters or the plot with an anticipation that is set to expire if there is no hurry to catch up.
- Shonda Rimes taught me that even powerful women still have to learn to say no, so they can say yes to the things that matter to them — like family.
The rage today may be ‘boundaries.’ But, it is a muscle you build and exercise through regular use. You must be disciplined as a writer and have some routine. Do you have a strong enough muscle that lets you go for no, to unimportant things?
Also, Rimes uses an earphone to tell her mind — we want to get into writing. What is yours?
- Judy Blume taught me the power of creativity that comes with ‘going there’ even if your books were children’s books. You write for your audience, but you must never think your audience is dumb.
As a younger writer, I was always using bigger words to sound smarter — they should get it, or they can elevate their minds. (Roll your eyes too, I am). But that is not how writing works, is it? You must be creative but write with your audience in mind. Contrary to youth, which makes you think people should capitulate to you, growing up makes you realize you are grateful for every single person who reads you. If you think you still think you are doing your reader a favour, you may need to check yourself.
- Finally, Joyce Maynard. Maynard made built a certain fearlessness in me. The parts of me that I thought were to be hidden or that I felt were too shameful, she taught me that they were the story.
As a young writer, I never would have had the courage to write about the abuse I went through for years. I would never have written about my fears for my daughter or my pains at all. I always resisted bringing private parts of me into my work. I put distance between myself and my readers, and when I re-read a lot of my earlier works, I see and feel that distance. Notably, in terms of writing smut —
As a younger writer, my smut sections were mostly to be inferred. There were lots of eye-winking and inexperience. Everything was always passionate, fiery, hot, and sexy. Every character was young, sexy, and hot. I don’t know those many young, sexy, and hot characters in real life. All characters were straight and toed the line. But that is not always real life, right? Real life gets boring and routine. People are messy and never one-dimensional.
Maybe aging makes you more shameless? But, I aspire to get even more shameless in my writing.
Now, someone might wonder — does it mean that you cannot get these lessons without aging? Another person might just say — I will simply take the Masterclass or read the books, and I will get the same information you are talking about. If either of the above is your thoughts, I do not disagree with you. I, however, will say this — while youth is notorious for speed, youth is rarely famous for patience and is shorter too on experience.
I am in my 30s, and yes, there are 20s writers whose experiences of hardship, pain, and loss are unimaginable, but are they the norm or the outliers?
Again, how many people in their 20s are ‘shameless’ with their experiences? I concede that many people of all ages aren’t, but age makes you understand that no one cares.
Someone once asked me what I will do if I sent someone nude pictures of me and want to blackmail me — pay or it gets shared. I was very honest — the world should enjoy them! The questioner was surprised. I wasn’t. I will not intentionally let that happen, but I have come through so much that right now, I don’t care. There are worse things in the world right now than my boobs being out there in the world.
In my 40s and 50s, I know that my experiences and challenges will be even more than what I have in my library right now but that is the whole point of it. In your teenage years and 20s, what you hear and know may get lost in the blur of speed, but when you keep steady as a writer, growing with an accumulation of rejection letters and no’s, you stop looking for validation, shortcuts, and quick fixes to your writing. Rather than being put off, ironically, you find yourself more open-minded to the wisdom of patience, continual improvement as well as not taking yourself too seriously.
In Conclusion,
Don’t take these rejections to heart so much. Keep writing, and like fine wine, your writing will only get better as it ages.
But I want to hear your take. Thank you for reading.
