My First Love(Heart Break)
My First love broke my heart
First love is a blessing and a curse, it is the best feeling you can ever know and it is the worst pain you can ever feel. Once you fall for someone who feels the same way about you, your head begins to float above the clouds and that sure happiness will never fade but when you get rejected by your first love, that heartache will reach the depth of your stomach and the pain will hurt so bad and it might turn you into a different person and you will see this commonly happen to villains in movies, it’s not just fandom but it’s a psychological fact.
Just as Deb Caletti once said in “The Secret Life of Prince Charming”;
“Rejection, though—it could make the loss of someone you weren’t even that crazy about feel gut-wrenching and world-ending”
Why I’m I talking about rejection? Well I’m not, I’m talking about first love. I’m sure a lot of you can’t forget your first love name, even if it’s been a couple of decades back, you won’t forget their names. “Emma” was my name of mine, she and I were in the same grade back at middle school and probably the same age. Emma was right-skinned and she had this bright pink lips that could just glow in the dark, she was the cutest girl in my grade back then and I’ve always liked her ever since I entered middle school but she didn’t even look at me. One time, one of my best friends went to tell her that I liked her, I didn’t stop him because I was tired of her turning her face from me and I wanted her to recognize me but unfortunately she rejected me. She didn’t just reject me. She said something that broke me into pieces back then. She said and quote “David, I don’t fancy him at all, I even hate him more than the devil”. Like what the hell why would she hate me than the Devil? I mean it didn’t really make sense because I had never even talked to this girl before and I haven’t been in a group conversation with her and yet she told my friend that.
Well after the “hate me than the devil” words I forgot about my crush on her and I was just vibing with other girls in my class, I started flirting with them and you know all kinds of stuff. I became popular with the ladies and everyone started calling me a flirt. Not that I liked it anyway, it was just because they always saw me with girls all the time. After a year, when we were writing our final exams to go to high school, one evening I was in my room arranging my school bag and I saw a letter on the side net of my bag pack. It was a love letter written by Emma, in there she talked about how she didn’t like me hanging out with her friends and how she didn’t like the way we don’t talk. In my head I was like “were you not the one who told me she hated me more than the devil himself over a year ago, why is she sounding like a victim here or rather why is she talking like we’ve been friends and I decided to stop talking to her”. I would have been confused at first but you know has a smart flirt you’ll know when a girl is jealous of you hanging out with other girls, she was jealous that I was always flirting with every girl at school apart from her so she must have felt left out I guess. So I wrote her a letter to apologize for not talking, I also referred her to the reason why I haven’t talked to her at all and I kept the letter in her school bag the next day.
We did see each other in the exam hall but I still didn’t talk to her that day, I wanted her to read my letter first. Then the next day I didn’t see much of her, I think she was really busy, so I knew that she couldn’t have put any letter in my bag, but to my surprise, I saw a letter in my bag. She somehow managed to put it in there which was just wild. The letter smelt nice, I think she sprayed some nice deodorants, I read the letter, she started off complimenting the letter I wrote to her, she talked about how nice my letter smelt and she apologized for the devil thing, she did sound sorry in the letter, finally, she asked me for my Face book username so she could add me as a friend. Did I just say Facebook? Yes, during those times, the only social media that was of thee was Facebook, What, sAp,p, and Instagram were still coming up. So, she sprayed perfume on her letter because mine smelt nice, that was cute of her, I wanted to write another letter to her containing my username but I prefer I talk to her the next day since it was going to be our final exam before we go for holiday.
After our last exams the following day, I was coming out of the hall with my friends and immediately I stepped out, I saw Emma, she was right in front of me and my friends almost as if she blocked the way. “Excuse me guys, I would like to borrow David,” she said. That confidence in which she dragged me away from my friends and back into the empty hall made my heart race so fast. My feelings for her are starting to escape from the valuation n which I trapped it. “So have you forgiven me?” she asked, her eyes so fixed on mine. “Yes I have, I had a long time ago, we are cool now” I replied putting my hands on her buffed checks and I moved closer to her. “Why did you start writing those letters to me?” I asked her. The distance between us was so thin I could hear her say “I will tell you that when we start chatting on Facebook” in my head. She took out a pen from her chest pocket and give it to me. I took it and wrote my username on her palms. “You know it can fade away” she smiled. “it wouldn’t if you want it,” I said and we both chuckled. I could feel a kiss coming, we were about to kiss, then one of Emma’s friends came into the hall. “The school bus is waiting for you Emma,” she said. Cock blocker I screamed at the back of my head. Emma looked at me and held my hand tightly before she wrote her number on my palm. “Don’t let it fade away if you want it”, she chuckled before moving away from me and close to her friend who was still waiting for her at the door. “GoodbyeDavid, I have to go” Emma uttered before she left me. I remembered well that I cursed her friend for coming to ruin my last moment with Emma before the holidays start and we move to high school.
So Emma did text me when I got home and it wasn’t just a “Hey it’s me Emma” type of text, she wrote me a love text, she explained how deeply in love she was with me. She told me that she was crazy about me and that she hasn’t been able to stop thinking about me. My heart skipped a beat when I read it, I was so happy, I asked her to be my girlfriend. Remember she was the same girl I first liked back at the beginning of middle school and I didn’t cage my feelings, I just didn’t think about them. So when she sent me this text message all my feelings and more started rushing back and I fell deeply in love with her, that was the first time a girl would ever write such a love text to me, so I think it was me, so I had to ask her out. She said yes of course and that was how she became my first girlfriend. Our relationship was online since we were on holiday and we lived far away from each other. Emma me, we were texting every day straight up for a month, I didn’t know how we didn’t run out of things to say, we talked about marriage, our kids; what we would name them, and every time we almost got into a fight she would always try to settle it. She was the one always texting first; she would always ask me what I’m doing if I had eaten and she was one to ask about my family. Emma even introduced me to one of her best friends back home, her name was “Hope”, Hope had a crush on me when we both started to text, I noticed it and Emma noticed it, she begged me not to fall for her and not to talk dirty with her, which I did, I could do anything for Emma, no seriously back then Emma was my everything. I could even die for her, so I thought.
Then after some months Emma told me she had already started going to summer school to prepare her for high school, I thought it was just school, everything would be normal. At first, everything was going fine, we still talk much even with Hope, the three of us were still close but after a few weeks, Emma started replying to me late. I thought it was because of summer school so she had lots on her plates but every time I text her she always finds a way to say “Sorry David, I can’t chat now, I’m busy with homework”. Now here is the problem, Emma was always online even if she said she has homework she still won’t go offline, and no one stays online for that long on Facebook if you don’t have someone you are chatting with. So if she wasn’t talking to me who the hell was she talking to?
I wanted to talk to Hope about the matter but she was ghosting me and I was too young to realize that. Then I thought “maybe I should just give Emma time, she might be busy” then I stopped texting Emma for some time thinking she would text me first like always, couple of days passed by and she didn’t text me and the painful part was that she has been online during those couple of days. I didn’t like this and I didn’t want to chat her up even though I was really worried so I decided to call her. She didn’t pick at first, the second time it ringed for a while until she picked. “Hello,” she said. I took a deep breath and told her I was worried about her, that I know she is busy but I love her and I miss the way we use to chat all the time. Emma didn’t reply to me at first, I could sense her stalling I didn’t know why until she said these words that shattered my heart into little pieces of atom “David hmmm, I want you to listen very carefully and not be mad. You are a nice guy, you forgave me for what I said and you still loved me but I’ve found some else and we’ve been dating for a week now and I love him, I’m sorry I didn’t tell you earlier, I wanted to find the right time, I even thought you got the message when I didn’t chat you up. I’m sorry David but this is the end, I’m breaking up with you”. I was so broken it took me more than 15 min to comprehend all that she said and I still called her back because I was still in denial. She picked and told me everything again briefly, this time she sounded pissed that I was disturbing her and to be honest I swear I could hear a guy’s voice and her brothers were not in the state so I knew it was the guy she was seeing. She hung up on me quickly.
My mind was a war zone, I couldn’t believe she could do this, almost as if she was a whole different person. All the time I spent with her, our chat, everything flashed before me. I remembered when she assured me she wasn’t going anywhere and that we would get married. I can’t believe I was so stupid to fall for that. I couldn’t even eat for weeks, I won’t lie I cried not just once, I cried every time I thought of her for weeks. I couldn’t get myself anymore and it was because I gave her my all, I trusted her and I was so innocent. I should have known that a long-distance relationship was a joke. She broke me and thus began my insecurity issues. She left me for a high school student guy his name was “Wayne” who came to the summer school she was attending, later we three went to the same high school.
Thank you for reading. Hope you enjoyed my real-life first love story? I just want you to know that first heartbreak isn’t a bad thing but in truth, it hardens the heart. Do not let your heart get harden every time your heart gets broken rather channel that energy and use it to do something more progressive and positive.
