No, You Actually Did Not Walk Alone
You’ve had support. Take a second to see how they have helped.
Express to someone you took a loss; they may respond with “That’s part of life or “You win some you lose some.”
They would be correct. Life is full of wins and losses, peaks and valleys, and highs and lows. Our lows at times can be treated like the common cold with no concern.
Sometimes, however, our lows are more like pneumonia and require a hospital trip because the chest pain is unbearable.
This is where our support system comes in. No, not a support group where you meet once a week to talk about your problems, which there is nothing wrong with. In this instance, a support system is a group of people you know personally, who hold your hand through the roughest times.
This special group of people does more than just wipe our tears away.
It is important to understand the inner workings of support systems. Their help has positive effects long after we have made peace with ourselves and our circumstances. They may not need thanks, but we have plenty we should be grateful for.
Here are some ways that our support systems have helped us that we may not have given much thought to.
Support systems are a source of sympathetic company
Maybe the most obvious, but support systems provide sympathy and comfort as if they have gone through the exact situation that we are in, and they most likely have. Because of this, we are given grace.
We are not berated. We are not told we should have known better. It’s understood that our heart is scarred and bruised and needs to be handled with care. Any further picking at our emotions can cause further damage. We are given the go-ahead in our emotions and permitted to not be okay.
Providing sympathetic company is as simple as the time your friend stayed up late with you eating pizza and screaming expletives at the world. Men suck, screw the status quo, and my personal favorite “I’m done living for the comfort of others.”
The both of you shouted, kicked, and flipped off the world in agreement with each other. You came up with a plan together to make a change in your lives.
Suddenly, you were not so alone. It made the pain in your chest that much more bearable.
Support systems help us create new memories.
Part of our pain is that we believe we have lost the special moments since we have, whether it be through a breakup or death.
We fear we have lost people or the person who made life worth living.
As you heal, however, you may always remember the time your mom sat in your room, which she has never done, and watched the new Escape Room movie, or the time you watched Black Mirror at 2 am and watched your sister cringe or even the time you drank apple E&J and your cousin dropped it low to Eminem’s Lose Yourself.
We may not realize this for some time, but we were creating lasting memories and moments that may not have happened if we did not decide to lean in. Yes, the pain is unfortunate, but it will not last.
What will last are the new sentimental moments you shared.
Support systems help us talk it out.
Yes, we need sympathy, but sometimes we could use a reality check. We may need someone to give us a new perspective, or even challenge us on our way of thinking. This can still be done with care.
For example, I experienced a moment when I lost my faith in God.
This loss of faith caused me to feel unhappy and unsure about my future. At this time, I felt I needed permission to live the life I wanted for myself. Without that permission I was stuck in life and unaware of the power I had.
As I expressed my feelings, I was given simple yet powerful information. One of the pieces was formed in a question.
“What’s wrong with that?”
At that moment I realized it’s okay to question. Questioning did not make me a bad person, but it made me a human with a functioning brain. The questioning was something I needed to do to make my faith stronger.
Another friend of mine asked me what I did with those questions.
Truthfully, I acknowledged how I felt but did little to answer my questions. I was too caught up in thinking that how I felt made me a bad person.
She reminded me that this was a perfect time to do deep research to answer my questions. If I neglected to study, surface information would not be enough for me.
Questions will always arise, and a lack of faith will occur if we do not do the necessary work to keep ourselves afloat.
After that conversation my outlook on how I approached internal challenges changed. My support system helped me understand that the only way to grow is to rise to challenges.
And no one should ever deny themselves the opportunity to grow even if it’s painful.
