Receding Lips

Update on Mitch McConnell’s condition

Senator Mitch McConnell’s office reported today that his lips have finally disappeared.

McConnell’s lips have been receding for some time, but his doctors were stunned at the suddeness with which they became totally invisible.

“We think it may be due to him trying to say ‘Moscow Mitch’ too many times,” said Dr. Ada Pepper, McConnell’s personal physician. “He has become pretty obsessed with that moniker, and he goes around mumbling it to himself almost constantly.”