Revive — The Quest to Your Lost Light
A Short Story of Love, Courage & Forgiveness
To all the landscapes I never contemplated,
To all the colors that fled my past,
To all the memories I tried to erase.
“Where am I?” I asked myself, silently. I had no idea where I was, or how I had ended up there. I was lying on the ground, enveloped by a cold night with no stars, no moon, no clouds. Eyes wide open, I could see nothing and no one, not even you. “Where are you?” I asked you, aloud. No answer. Shivers ran down my spine. “Where are you?” I shouted into the silence. My eyes filled with tears. I didn’t want to believe it. I couldn’t believe it. “Where are you?” I cried, in a last-ditch attempt. You weren’t there. Not anymore.
I wanted to get out of there and find you. I got on my feet, my body aching with a dull pain, but I started to run all the same. I collapsed. I found myself lying on the ground again. Something had hit me in the back, I didn’t know what. But I continued my escape at all costs. I began to crawl. I crawled and crawled, trying to find my way back to you. Then something hit my legs. The pain was intense. I was paralyzed. I couldn’t get up. I couldn’t even move. It didn’t make sense. “It’s probably just a nightmare,” I reassured myself. I tried to wake up again and again but to no avail. It seemed I was already awake, stuck in this strange place, with no trace of you. I wanted to fall asleep, to escape, to find you.
A light appeared. Where it came from, I had no idea. It was like a little bubble that glowed. It was delicate. Its beam pierced the darkness around me and I could see the world around me for the first time. It was an empty world. Almost empty actually. Strange, irregular spheres, like asteroids, flew at full speed through a rain of ashes. I could feel it falling on me and slowly covering me. This place was like a city, a city falling into ruins. A city where buildings collapse without a sound, in a thick shadow. I was terrified. I looked at the bubble of light. It was an intruder, a source of hope. It was a sign that someone had heard me and was going to get me out. I wasn’t going to stay much longer in this macabre place. But time passed and no one came. And to my horror, the light began to flicker and threatened to go out. I had the impression that the bubble was transforming, hardening like stone and that it was going to trap the light inside forever.
The light disappeared. My heart sank. This bubble of light was a message of hope, a gateway to you, a potential return. A message that had been extinguished, a gateway that had been closed, a return that had become impossible. I have lost you, that is all. I wanted to save that light, but I didn’t have the strength. No, I didn’t have the strength to find you. A scream echoed around me. It rumbled like dull thunder after lightning. It was the cry of a child, a familiar voice. It was the voice of grief, the grief of farewell. The ash rain fell harder. “Where am I?” I asked, terrified. The cry faded slowly. The storm was over. Calm returned.
Another bubble appeared. It rekindled my hope. But only for a few seconds. Like that of the bubble that had just died, its light began to flicker as well. I was desperate. I felt the strange sensation that light was ephemeral, that it was elusive, that it was doomed to disappear. And more than anything, this left me in a profoundly bitter helplessness: there was nothing I could do about it. I just watched her die. I watched life fade away, leaving this world, dreaming of a way to wake up from this nightmare.
Other bubbles appeared, danced for a moment, and then disappeared into nothingness. I watched them all, one after the other, fade away before my very eyes. Not a single one, no, not a single one, managed to dodge my gaze and die in ignorance, without a cry, without an eclipse. They all died, and I let myself be lulled by this distressing melody. The spectacle was accelerating, or so it seemed. I had lost all track of time. Time went by, days, months, years perhaps. Who knows how often the sun rises in a place where night reigns? I was acclimatizing to the emptiness around me, to the darkness of this world, to a person I am not. I was confined to a long monologue, so much so that I was even talking to those asteroids to whom I gave a name, the Black Hearts. I would ask them how they lived, and how they felt if they still felt something. They never answered, but I knew the answer. All it took was the blink of an eye to understand their reality. They were going through the same thing I was, and I thought I was going to end my days in this Kingdom of Darkness, at their side.
I closed my eyes and began to build a life, the one I could have lived in the other world, the one that was no more, the one that would be no more. That life I would have loved to live, that made me feel so alive, so real, so myself. That memory was all I had left. I clung to it so it wouldn’t fly away, so it wouldn’t disappear. I didn’t want to lose you, and yet I had already lost you. I opened my eyes now and then, hoping that this life would become a reality. But all I could see was light fading in an increasingly chaotic world. The Black Hearts were charging in every direction. It was a miracle they hadn’t destroyed each other yet. I wondered how long I had to live before this world imploded completely. Then I closed my eyes again. I could feel the Black Hearts touching me. I could feel death touching me. But with my eyes closed, I was immortal. With my eyes closed, I forgot this surreal nightmare. With my eyes closed, I lived my dream. Who can resist the temptation to give in? I watched you grow and blossom. I listened to you talk and then laugh.
I saw you scream and die. I opened my eyes again. A bubble of light faded. A scream tore through the silence. This time, it was heavier, more strident, more violent. It resonated deep inside me, where something vibrant had once lurked. That something was gone, replaced by a painful emptiness. I recognized the voice. There was no doubt. My heart clenched and my breathing quickened. A wave of panic and vertigo swept over me. I began to tremble, my forehead breaking out in a cold sweat. That voice was yours.
The echo of your cry persisted. And the Dark Kingdom trembled too as if it recognized your voice. The ground vibrated but didn’t give way. The ashes fell even harder, threatening to bury me in their deadly embrace. Each black flake settled on my bare skin, like the silk of a shroud. I was in agony in this coffin. I could feel the seconds ticking away. I knew then that if you had to go, I would go with you, my soul torn apart. I closed my eyes, never wanting to open them again. I was a blink away from death and I surrendered.
With my eyes closed, a sequence looped in my head, over and over again: that memory of you laughing, your bright smile and joyful eyes, then the nightmare, the scream, and the image of you lying on the ground, eyes empty, staring into nothingness. Everything blended together in a melancholic triptych, and I stopped on your lifeless gaze. Had I really watched you die, without finding the strength and courage to save you? I couldn’t abandon you, not now, not like this.
I opened my eyes. I felt a spark form in the void inside me. Something reignited. Its warmth spread throughout my body to thwart the cold death that was taking hold of me. The cry was a call, a cry for help. I couldn’t let you disappear anymore. I didn’t want that cry to go unanswered. I had to save you. I straightened up in the middle of the chaos I couldn’t see, the echoes of the scream still ringing in my ears. Black Hearts struck at my heart. They wanted me dead; they struck again. “They may take my life”, I told myself, “but they won’t take yours”. I got to my feet, deeply wounded in the torso and right leg. I had to find a way out, and fast, if I hoped to save you, or that storm of Black Hearts would have my hide. I remembered the bubbles of light that penetrated the Kingdom of Darkness: there had to be a way out. I began to search for it, groping in the dark, hands outstretched before me. My body felt heavy. I hadn’t walked for so long, and the current of Black Hearts was so strong that with every step my legs threatened to collapse. But I kept going, kept fighting, whatever the cost. I didn’t want to hear you scream anymore.
I touched something, probably a wall. The sensation was strange. The surface was soft and deformed under my fingers. Had I been locked within four walls all this time? I walked along the wall of this dark fortress, hoping to find a way out. With my fingers against the wall, I could feel it ripple slightly, with a steady beat. I wasn’t enclosed within four walls, but rather in a bubble. I kept walking, walking, walking, in vain. No way out. I doubted my fate and yours. How was I going to get out of here? How was I going to find you?
A bubble of light broke the long darkness that had become my reality since that scream. Its appearance was unexpected. I had resigned myself to believing that the last light had gone out. But I soon realised that this one was no different from the others. It was beginning to harden and its light was oscillating. It was turning into a Black Heart. Right before my eyes. I was going to watch her die too. Just one more. I was going to watch you die. Forever and ever. When I had promised myself to save you. I wanted to save you, but how? How to save this bubble? How to rekindle its light? I had to do something before it died out forever.
I walked over to the bubble and took it in my hands. It was cold. But immediately, the layer of stone cracked and fell to the ground, the black envelope chased away by the light. I could feel the bubble warming up. It grew and shrank at regular intervals as if animated by a life of its own, and I realized it had the same texture as the wall of the Dark Kingdom. It lay there, trembling in my hands, like a fragile treasure, a secret desire, a forgotten dream. I had saved her, almost. As I held it in my hands, I realized that the rain of ash had become hesitant and that the Black Hearts had stopped as if to look at us, to contemplate what had just happened. I knew how they felt. They were both sad that they hadn’t been saved and amazed that a bubble had managed to thwart this metamorphosis. The bubble in my hands became a symbol of possible renewal. Soon, anyway, for I still had to send it back over the wall. But I had found no way out. I moved the bubble closer to the wall to illuminate it and find the passageway through which she had entered. But I couldn’t see the wall. It was covered in a thick black mist. With my heart pounding, I slid the bubble through the curtain of ash. I felt it slip from my fingers. The light faded. Had she gone over to the other side of the wall? I put both hands on the wall. No way through. Doubt and fear seized me. Had I saved her or had she turned into a Black Heart? I was lost. I had no idea what had happened and still no way out.
Then the rain stopped. It felt as if time stopped with it. I didn’t know what to expect, or what was going to happen. The Black Hearts started charging again. They were coming for me. I could feel them. I could feel their desire to become what they once were. I could feel a phenomenal strength. A handful of them bombarded my body. I began to run and move away from the wall to avoid them. Sheltered for a moment, an explosion shrilled, the ground shook beneath my feet and I was propelled to the ground.
I opened my eyes, lying on the ground. A ray of light was shining through the Kingdom of Darkness. I hadn’t seen light like that in ages. And though it was blinding, I stared at it. I expected it to flinch, as it always had, but it didn’t. It didn’t flinch. It was a pure, eternal radiance that lit up the entire kingdom. Thin clouds of light floated in the air, and the ash that had once fallen like tears now rose skyward to turn back time. And many Black Hearts had disappeared.
I looked down at my exhausted body. This assault by the Black Hearts had wounded me terribly! I got to my feet and approached the shaft of light, impatient and anxious. I peered through the hole, no bigger than my face. I glimpsed a world flooded with light and warmth. I knew this place. You had grown up there. I remembered. The memories flooded back to me: the days playing with the bubbles of light and the evenings lying on the grass, watching them dance in the sky. A tear rolled down my cheek, nostalgic, this kind of nostalgia you feel when you return to a place you love but have left behind. And then, guilt and shame, for having deprived myself of this place and for not taking care of it. I saw myself leaving you and letting go of your hand. I saw myself looking up at the sky and those bubbles of light, one last time. I saw myself building this prison to the last stone, until the light went out, until I collapsed into darkness. Yes, it was I who had built this monstrous fortress. Yes, I was the author of this dark work. I had the impression of having been guided by an impulse of self-destruction, and writing it gives me shivers. I had let myself die. It saddens me. It frightens me. I was no longer a man. No, I wasn’t. I had wanted to feel nothing, not a single tear of emotion, and I thought I had succeeded. All that remained was emptiness as if I had been robbed of my soul. I was incapable of hating, incapable of loving, incapable even of loving myself. I was a ghost, a shadow of who I had been. Strange to say, only machines have hearts of stone. I had created this prison, ramparts all around me, all around my soul, to protect myself. I was playing hide-and-seek, a game that went on forever, a game I wanted to win. Yes, it was all childish, but I did it. I did it because I was afraid. Afraid of losing you. Afraid of being vulnerable. So I shut myself away in my prison. I thought about you. I dreamt of you. I was building this world with you, without you, you who were right behind these walls.
I came back to me, looking through the hole at the world I had once grown up in, the world that was now empty. I couldn’t see any more light bubbles, not even the one I had hoped to have saved, and I couldn’t see you either. This worried me. I wondered how I could have gotten so lost and left this fabulous world. Then I heard the wall crack. The Black Hearts kept banging against the wall, all around me, without ever touching me. I saw one in the corner of my eye come down right next to my face and explode from the shock. The light, until then a prisoner, then escaped from within and I watched it join the clouds in the fortress sky. The clouds were growing fast. These lights were lost in nothingness, forever. Yes, lost forever. Sacrificed lights. I laid my eyes again, filled with tears, on this world where these lights once dwelt. What a massacre! What had I done? I kept looking for you in this picture that was swaying to the drumbeat orchestrated by the Black Hearts. The cracks continued to spread across the wall. I wasn’t pitching. I’ll rebuild that painting.
“Where am I?” I asked myself, feeling the coolness of the grass and the warmth of the light. I awoke, stunned. I was lying on the soil, enveloped by a brilliant light. With squinted eyes, I could recognize the World of Light, so wonderful but so empty now. I looked around slowly, my head heavy. I kept looking for you. “Where are you?” I asked. There was no answer. You weren’t there. I could see remnants of the Dark Kingdom; the wall had finally given way under the blows of the Black Hearts and the explosion had propelled me several meters away. A few asteroids had survived this violent destruction and were now wandering around in familiar territory, their bodies covered in this curse. It pained me to see them like that.
A bubble of light appeared, right in front of my face. I had been wrong, the world wasn’t completely empty. This bubble bore a scar. It was her. I had saved her. This scar was a mark of her unfinished metamorphosis. It was the bubble I had held in my hands in the Kingdom of Darkness. I’d saved the last bubble. What a miracle! I couldn’t imagine what this world would have become if that last light had gone out. I took it back into my hands. It glowed brightly. I felt an extraordinary connection. Light poured out of the bubble and covered my hands. The light spread along my arms, my torso, my legs, so that my whole body glowed. Then it permeated my body. I felt the spark that had blossomed when I escaped from the kingdom strengthen in the emptiness inside me. The light didn’t just cover my body. It was inside me.
I stood up and helped the bubble take flight. Watching it rise into the sky, I felt a renewal within me, a new strength, a budding energy. I rested my eyes on my hands, ready to get back to work. I began to weave a bubble. Inside an envelope as fine and fragile as silk, I placed a sparkling little treasure, a piece of me. I gave it a name and, with my breath, gave it life. The bubble, ready and waiting, soared into the air, carefree, peaceful and happy. It joined the rescued bubble and the escaped Black Hearts. I looked at her, soothed by the realisation that I was still capable of crafting these bubbles with my own hands. I created another, and yet another. On and on I went. My fingers were regaining the dexterity they once had. I couldn’t stop, watching the world being rebuilt before my eyes. The World of Light was coming back to life, and I was its sole creator, its sole healer. Time passed, days, months, years perhaps. Who knows how often night falls in a place where the sun reigns?
I remembered that scene, the one I had remembered looking through that gap in the wall of the Dark Kingdom. I wanted to play with those bubbles and lie down in the grass to watch them dance. So I ran, arms outstretched to catch them. I grabbed onto the rescued bubble and took off. We rose into the sky, alongside the other bubbles and Black Hearts. I looked down and saw the ruins of the Kingdom of Darkness. It looked so small, drowned in the ocean of light of the world I had grown up in. From this altitude, it was barely larger than the scar on the bubble I was clinging to. We continued our ascent towards the clouds of light, the light sacrificed when the Dark Kingdom was destroyed, and I. I passed my hand through these clouds, made of tiny grains of gold. It was a strange sensation to feel the little treasures I had once protected in these bubbles of light, now shattered into a thousand pieces. Each grain whispered past memories of a lost future, like spirits in the afterlife.
We began our descent. Below, I could see the light of the clouds reflecting off the ruins of the dark fortress. The bubble gently deposited me in the midst of these remains lying beneath the golden clouds. I sat there, the bubble at my side. Swarms of bubbles and Black Hearts danced in harmony in the brilliant sky. It was an extraordinary ballet, an exhilarating spectacle of grace and beauty. I could see your face smiling with gratitude in this moving sculpture. I could feel your presence in the glow of each bubble, a comforting warmth.
I got up, leaving the ruins behind me. I lay down on the grass. I looked at the bubbles of light and the Black Hearts. I looked at you. And in that moment, I knew you were with me, always and forever, in every bubble, in every ray of light.
There’s a light in all of us, a light that accompanies us throughout our lives. Sometimes we forget it, we hide it, we deny it. The challenges we face, the fears that paralyze us, and the wounds that haunt us wrongly push us to let this light fade. But this light is invincible, this light is eternal, even in the darkest nights, even in the cruelest storms. For it is precisely who we really are, our purest truth, our noblest identity. And at any moment, we can reconnect with it and rekindle the spark. Let it illuminate our world, let it guide our steps. Let us embrace this precious light that we carry within us and that makes us divinely beautiful and human.
Dear reader, wherever you are on Earth, whatever situation you are going through today, I implore you, to never, ever forget this light you carry within you.
Never forget it.
— Paul 💛
Thank you so much for reading my very first short story! 🙏 Let me know what you think in the comments! 😃
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