Signs of an Unhealthy Relationship
Alarming signs that you should end your relationship with them
From childhood to my teenage years, it is not difficult to make people like me. I realized that because I have always matched my vibe with other people.
Let’s say if they like a particular thing, I would learn about it in order to be able to talk with them.
Yet, most of the time, I feel the loneliest. I dare you, most of my friends or best friends wouldn’t know what I truly like. I would just say I like the same thing with them to match their energy. So, in the end, it’s difficult to find someone who loves me unconditionally besides my family.
Turns out my behavior has a name. In psychology, they called it “Mirroring”. Based on American Psychology Association, Mirroring is described below:
Mirroring (noun) — reflecting or emulating speech, affect, behavior, or other qualities in psychotherapeutic contexts. A therapist may adopt the movements, speech style, or locutions of a client, and vice versa, to indicate comprehension of what is being said or to reflect bonding, either nonconsciously or with the intent of empathizing.
This behavior greatly brings problems to my life. There are many unhealthy relationships that I encountered because I did this. I never truly know why, but recently I learned that I have a hardcore people-pleaser disease.
At the tender age of 20s, for the first time in my life, I decided that I wanted to have genuine friends who understood me, could motivate me, and were emotionally stable enough to be there with me during sad and happy times. And the ticket to that is within me. I have to be my original self and be okay if people don’t want to be friends with me.
It also starts with saying “no” to people that don’t bring the same values and mindsets as I do. Yes, of course, differences are acceptable, but there are some things that we need to have in common. For example, how we treat others, how we want to grow as a person, and keep our mind positive in the hurdles of life.
Hence why I made this article for people like me. People who want to break through the unhealthy relationship cycle.
Here are some of the signs that it’s an unhealthy relationship:
You are not being your authentic self
You caught yourself lying numerous times in order to make the other party happy. You can’t show how you dislike or like certain things because you don’t want them to hate you.
Whenever you hang out with them, it drains your energy
Hanging out is no longer fun. Every time you meet up with them, it feels like a chore. You don’t want to be there. Your mind is wandering somewhere else, thinking about other things that excite you.
They embarrass you in public
You told them some personal things that can only be known to them. Suddenly, they told people about the embarrassing things or personal conversations you had with them that shouldn’t be out in public. You can only grit your teeth, holding the shame and anger.
They are jealous when you are more successful or have more friends
Whenever you have happy news, instead of congratulating you, they point out your weakness or say it just happens because of luck; worse they tell you that they can do better than you. They try to make you feel small and helpless.
They gaslight you and use emotional blackmail to control you
They will play with your mind. Saying things like, “You are so mean doing this to me,” “You’re the only one that I have,” or things like, “I feel like I would end my life without you.” Believe me; I met these people so many times in my life that I’m not surprised anymore.
They project their insecurities onto you
They would compare your physical appearance to someone else or to them to make you feel insecure. They would say that your body is thinner compared to theirs or that your skin is more oily than theirs. Basically, anything to make you become more self-aware and potentially damage your confidence if you listen to them.
Do you find this relatable? I hope you don’t because I want you to be in a healthy relationship. But if you do, please consider ending your relationship with them. It’s certainly not a good one.
Let’s end this people-pleaser era and be a baddie instead. Be more successful, and have a great circle that can motivate you to be better, beautiful, and kind. Good luck!
Avrantsa is a 20s lady who recently started writing on Medium. Currently. she still exploring different niches in her writings. Her hobbies include reading books (fiction and non-fiction), watching Korean dramas and movies, playing guitar, editing videos, and cooking.
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