Stop Allowing Other People’s Words to Undo You
We’re told that words have power. Only if we let them.
Words have inspired and motivated all of us at some time. The great speeches and writings over the years have been the source of tremendous change. So, sometimes, have the words of our boss or our partner.
But not always.
Sometimes words harm us. They have the power to deflate our ambitions, trigger our rage, and make us do things that we regret.
We all know how a comment from our partner can set our fury alight. And we know how one word in a job evaluation can puncture our self-esteem.
Then why do we listen to them when they say words have power?
Why do we give words the ability to turn our world upside-down in a matter of seconds?
It’s time to take back our power over our emotions and actions. It’s time to recognise words for what they really are — just hot air — and choose how we react to them.
How we are all victims of words
When we give words the power to affect us, we are only doing what we do in so many areas of our lives: handing our personal power over to someone or something else.
Most of the time we are unaware that we’re doing this. We go about our day reacting to people and events without giving them much thought. And when we do this, we abdicate responsibility for our feelings and results to others.
People will take what they can from us if we sit back and allow it.
They will take our decision-making powers, they will take control of our feelings, and they will ‘make’ us say and do things that we would not do if we were aware.
And they will not even lay a hand on us.
They will do it all with their words.
Or, to put it bluntly, we will allow them to do it all with their words.
So how can we stop them?
We can change our thinking. We can stop thinking that we must obey words, and instead treat them as tools for us to do with as we please.
How do we do this?
First, we can change our thinking from ‘her words hurt me’ to ‘it’s up to me how I respond to her words’. In other words, we can realise that words have no power save the power we choose to give them.
We can take back responsibility for how our life turns out, instead of letting the world affect us however it decides to.
Second, we can realise that words on their own have no meaning. It’s only we who put the meaning into words.
When somebody makes a comment, his words are neutral. That is, until we create some kind of interpretation inside us. And it doesn’t matter what the speaker meant by his words. That we will never know. It does matter what we think about once we hear them.
And what we think about is all that matters. It’s the cause of our anger, our disillusionment, and our excitement. These emotions don’t come from the other person. They come from within us, in the way we choose to interpret his words.
When we realise this, we take back all the power for ourselves.
The next step
So instead of reacting to the world outside of us as if it is real, isn’t it better to look inside, at our thoughts and emotions, and work outwards from there?
When we are aware of how we are choosing to interpret someone’s words, we are then in a position to start from the inside. We are able to work on the cause — our thoughts — and by doing this, create our own effect in the outside world.
How our new approach benefits us
When we decide for ourselves what someone’s words mean, we then have the power to manage a crucial relationship or our own state of mind. We can choose a meaning that we know will create compromise or peace between ourselves and someone important to us. And we can choose a meaning that keeps us calm and poised to take an action that serves us well.
But if we are unaware, allowing our knee-jerk reactions to control us, then we have no power over our relationships or ourselves.
When we are unaware, we go through life like a thin blade of grass blowing whichever way the wind comes at us. As life comes at us, we react to it like victims, blaming life for being so cruel.
There are many things in life that we can choose to interpret our way, and words can be our starting point.
With words, we can practice noticing the effect they have on us, and then purposely change that effect by giving them another meaning — one that lifts us up and gives us strength.
So don’t give words too much power over your life. Make them serve you, instead of making yourself their servant.
