Taking the Helm: Journaling Saved Me
And how it just might save you too
My mind is a loud and busy place. It never stops, it’s never quiet and it sometimes gets stuck on a loop. I can ruminate for hours, days even weeks and still reach no answer or destination. If constant thought is a gift, I have it. To be disturbed by my thoughts is easy; I can feel the waves crash against me. Being aware and in control of those thoughts, not so easy. They say your feelings are waves and your job is to be the rock that allows the waves to wash over you.
As I struggle to identify and verbalise my feelings, I feel more like a rogue piece of seaweed than a rock. Eternally pushed and pulled by a nameless presence. This past year and a half, the constant battering of emotions made the need for an outlet a necessity and I thankfully found my way back to journaling. At a time where I felt incredibly lost and unanchored, journaling gave me a space to work on taking my power back and gaining control of myself and my emotions. I was able to confront myself and my emotions in a non-judgemental way and practice self-compassion and acceptance.
Journaling has been proven to improve mental health by reducing stress from inhibiting emotions. It can help us process difficult events as well as become more self-aware. Once we are able to notice and take action against negative behaviours or thought patterns, we can change our lives. My journaling practice has done all of these things for me.
How I Made Journaling Work for Me
For most of my childhood, I kept a diary. In my teenage years, it became the place I wrote about my boy troubles. It was also a place of self-expression and poetry. A place I could lay my authentic self down, unjudged and unquestioned. But at some point, my diary entries took a dark turn. Filled with complaints and rants. The common theme was that everyone else was the problem and I was the victim in my own life. I was lacking self-awareness and introspection.
What I realise now is that how I was journalling wasn’t serving me. It didn’t feel good. I wasn’t gaining anything from it, except a space to keep ruminating and immortalise my negative energy in black and white. So I stopped…for a long time. Until Summer 2020 to be exact — throw in a pandemic, infertility, career change and you have just the right amount of WTF moments to make journaling necessary. But this time, I was determined to make some changes to make journaling work for me.
Journal Actively Not Passively
The most obvious change for me was how I viewed journalling. Instead of treating it like a logbook of rants and vents, I decided to see it as a tool of reflection. I intentionally use my journal as a method to review my life experiences. Through my stream of consciousness, I hope to uncover a truth or insight that I was not aware of before. I intend to gain something from each journal session. Whilst I journal I am asking myself to work out the why behind what I am feeling, what I am writing and what I am thinking. By doing this, I find more often than not I discover more about myself, finding and processing known and unknown thought patterns and triggers.
Be Flexible but Committed
I am a perfectionist. I tend to subscribe to all or nothing thinking. That usually looks something like, I either journal every day or I won’t journal a all. The consequence of this is that I set myself up for failure by making the goal unattainable. There is no point in setting myself the goal of journaling every day when I know that I hate restrictive conditions. I had to challenge these thoughts to make it possible for journaling to become a consistent habit for me.
I decided that the goal was not to journal every day but to write when I needed to. And you will know when you need to. I know when I need to journal because my body feels full of energy, it has no direction, no purpose it is just there. Journaling gives me the space and tools to make sense of the energy. To process it and give it a place to exist that isn’t in my body.
Keep it Simple
Have you seen some of the epic journals that some people maintain? I love pretty things but I do not have the energy for that. The added pressure of making it look cute is one step too far for me. You will find no washi tape, no doodles or pretty stickers in my journal. My plain Paperchase notebook filled with my less than attractive chicken scratch aka handwriting does me just fine. If making it beautiful will keep you going back, then by all means do that but simplicity keeps it achievable for me. It removes anything that I perceive to add pressure, turning journalling from something I do to something I need to achieve.
Don’t Compare
I don’t follow many but I do follow a few Instagram accounts of people who share snippets of their journal reflections. My wonderful inner critic (Sybil) likes to launch into a tirade about how unsophisticated and juvenile my journal entries are. Sybil tries to remind me that I am inadequate in yet another way and her comparisons try to steal another joy of mine. But I can recognise her now, I can call her by her name. And to see her is to stop her in her tracks. That is how self-awareness works. Your journal and what you write in it will be just as unique as you are. It doesn’t exist to be shared. It doesn’t exist to be judged or picked apart by you or anyone else. It can be messy and make no sense or it can be well structured and cohesive. Mine varies, and I like it like that. It tells me that I am not forcing it. I am letting my truth flow onto the page unfiltered.
No Judgement and No Shame
Don’t judge your writing, just write. It isn’t a writing competition. Your journal should be a sacred place where you can be all that you are. There should be no shame, you will write down hard feelings, feelings you might never share or admit to anyone. Your journal is only for you. How you choose to express yourself within those pages is perfectly acceptable. Sometimes I ramble and feel I make little sense, sometimes it is more coherent and other times it’s little more than a rant. The one consistent is that at the end of the session, I have clarity. I feel the volume turn down. I am more centred. And that is why I journal. That is the only goal you have. There is no prize to be won.
Create a Routine
Now this one I will admit I am still working on. I understand the benefit of a routine but other than my breakfast routine I seem to be pretty routine adverse. They feel stuffy and restrictive and I am noticing is that this is a common theme — perhaps that is something I need to explore in my journal — but I digress. I have daydreams of waking up, slipping on my super cosy dressing gown and taking my journal and a hot tea onto my balcony. Or maybe I light the candle on my vanity, put on some music from my “chilled” playlist and journal. But despite my daydream aspirations, it doesn’t happen like that. My “routine” is to grab my journal, sit in either my office or at my vanity in my bedroom and write. I’m still trying to work out why in my mind a routine looks like a scene from a Youtubers “Day in the Life” video. It feels a little inauthentic and “try hard” for me. Who am I creating this moment for? No one can see me? I am clearly resistant to it, yet in my mind, it’s that or nothing. So if you take anything from this, your routine can be as elaborate or as simple as you choose.
Journaling Saved Me
Journaling has been my anchor, allowing me to hold steady whilst the waves crash over me. It has enabled me to emerge after the storm, intact and conscious of what happened and why. It has allowed me to take the helm. For anyone out there who is feeling lost a sea and overwhelmed, I urge you to pick up a pen and paper and let it out. You will be surprised by what you discover. For more information on how to journal effectively and the benefits of journaling check out this Positive Psychology article.
What practices do you have that keep you anchored? How has journaling changed you?
Thank you so much for reading and coming along for the journey as I rediscover my love of writing and parts of myself as well. I’d love it if you followed me so that we could support each other. I would love to hear your thoughts and feedback.
