The Art Of Letting Go — Personal Observations
Don’t let the small things make you a grinch. Let go, move on and focus your energy on things that really matter.
What This Article Is About
Have you seen the Karen videos on TikTok? The kind of stuff where someone gets so annoyed at something, takes action and ends up making an absolute fool of themselves?
Maybe you’ve even done something similar yourself. Let’s say someone ‘borrows’ your pen at work so then you sneak into their office and hide all their pens including their highlighters.
On a more serious note, what about a time when your friends didn’t make the effort to come to your birthday party then you proceed to cancel on them at every other occasion causing a fall out.
The art of letting go is about being able to release all negativity in regards to a situation that is beyond your control. It is a conscious decision you make to just let it be and not to ruminate on things in the past.
It’s human nature to build ideas about people or situations from past experiences. Short of associating that one time you got mauled by a bear with bears being bad, more often than not, holding grudges or holding on to things that don’t really matter in the long run hinders us in our modern society.
Mastering the art of letting go will lead you to focus on the present and not worry about what will happen tomorrow or what has happened before today. It will allow you to just get on with life in a much healthier way.
Petty Revenge
Petty revenge is the worst case of it all. This is when you take small, vengeful actions in response to what you perceived as a slight or some sort of wrongdoing dealt to you by someone else.
An example of this would be cutting someone off when driving just because they were going too slowly and didn’t use their signals. You percieve it as a personal attack and that they did it on purpose. Hatred ensues where you curse and call them all the names under the sun because they’re a rubbish driver.
What petty revenge achieves is in fact counter-productive in every instance. You may get a sense of gratification because you ‘taught them a lesson’ but really, pause and think, what was the point?
Petty revenge can escalate an otherwise meaningless situation and it is a lose-lose for both parties involved. It can damage relationships making it extremely difficult to repair and you may lose the ones you love when that was not the original intention. Lastly, it may even harm your own wellbeing since oftentimes it is emotionally draining and constantly dwelling on negative events that have happened in the past can spiral to unecessary anxiety, stress and depression.
Tip: Take a breath and pause when you are about to exact revenge for whatever reason. You may realsie that it is something small and meaningless even though a second ago you were overwhelmed with anger and negative emotions. This is a way to train your emotional intelligence and not be overly reactive. Ask yourself why you are doing it. It is as simple as that. The split second where you pause and think can prevent you doing something you regret.
Don’t Sweat The Small Stuff
There is so much to gain from looking at the bigger picture. When you look at the bigger picture and truly take a step back, you realise day to day frustrations are rather pointless.
When you pause for a moment to consider your actions and the broader context of your life, you can make more informed decisions. You can weigh the pros and cons of different options and choose the one that aligns with your long-term goals and values.
An example I have is when I was all stressed on holiday in Bali trying to time our activities, our destinations and what transport we were going to take. Well you know what? I was lucky enough to have the insight to stop, pause and think about why I’m so hell bent on controlling everything. As soon as I relinquished my control over small things, I was able to see our trip from a bigger picture.
We were there to relax. By relinquishing control, I took control of the holiday. I was there for a reason and not to be a control freak. I was able to calm down, enjoy the moment and just be present with my other half.
Can You Really Control It And Should You?
If you take a step back in any situation, ask yourself, ‘why do you want to control the outcome?’ ‘Is it even worth it?’.
By trying to control a situation, you become fixed on the outcome and will cause yourself needless stress and anxiety. Again, I mention the importance of taking a deep breath and taking a mental step back from your situation. When you’re in a heated situation, stop what you’re doing and pause. I know it’s easier said than done but trust me, you’ll then start thinking with your head instead of your emotions.
It pays dividends down the line if you are able to appraise a situation objectively before diving head first and reacting to it. Remember, you’re not a cave man.
Trying to control something that is out of your control can be unrealistic: In many cases, it may not be possible to fully control a situation, especially if it involves other people or external factors beyond your control. Trying to control something that is unrealistic or impossible can lead to frustration and disappointment. Rather, steer and guide things towards what you want, especially things that are important in life but don’t control.
An example is micro-managing. I have worked with managers in the past that like to micro-manage and have everything exactly how they want it and when they want it whilst pestering their staff at every instance. That is not the way. If he/she took a step back and look at the bigger picture instead of trying to control the outcome or one little thing, they will soon realise that all that trouble and headache made no difference in the long run as different people have different ways of doing things.
Overall, it is often better to focus on what you can control, such as your own thoughts, feelings, and actions, rather than trying to control external factors beyond your control. This can help you feel more empowered and reduce stress and anxiety, while also allowing you to be more creative and adaptable in your approach to problem-solving.
Accept Change. It’s Inevitable…
A major mindset shift to adopt is knowing that change is inevitable. The first step is to actually acknowledge your feelings. You are scared, it’s okay. You are worried, it’s okay. You think you may fail, it’s okay (there are worse things such as things that are actually life or death).
It will help to focus on the positive aspects of a change. Even if the change is difficult, try to focus on the positive aspects and opportunities that it may bring. This can help you see the change in a more positive light. No change is inherently bad. It’s a chance for you to adapt and overcome, which in turn makes you who you are today.
Stay present. Rather than worrying about the future or dwelling on the past, try to stay present in the moment. Focus on what you can do right now to cope with the change and move forward. Remember, if you feel overwhelmed or wary about a change, take it one thing at a time.
Be A Calmer, Better Person
You may already do the things I have described in this article. Nonetheless, by adopting the mindset switches and realising that a lot of our feelings of fear, anxiety, stress and overall distress, is due to not being able to let go and accept a situation for what it is.
Roll with the punches as they say. Things change, people get enraged and seem to direct it at you, and the easy thing to do is lash out right back at them or try and control things to the millisecond so that you are sure of the outcome.
Uncertainty is part of life and by utilising the technique mentioned above of taking a step back, stopping what you’re doing and just giving yourself a second to use your head, you will be less of an explosive person. Be a calmer and better you.
Why change something if the end result is the same? Why exact revenge if it’s either going to aggravate the situation or serve no purpose other than a moment of satisfaction that you also ruined someone elses day?
Hopefully this article can help make you less reactive and more calm, where, by doing so, you will see the world in a different, more positive light. No one is out to get you, things just happen, there’s no good or bad, rather it’s how you deal with the situation that matters.
