The First Hit: How Addiction Changed My Life
A Chapter of my life
Every person has moments in their life that forever change who they will become. My first experience with drugs was one such moment for me. I want to share this story with you because I believe we don’t talk enough about this topic, even though it is much more prevalent in our lives than we might think. Perhaps you, the reader of this article, or someone you know is struggling with addiction, and you may not even be aware of it. They suffer. At least most people who use substances do.
My goal is to recount the feelings I had then and how I managed to overcome them. There are many who do not necessarily want to do this, but addiction is strong, and it’s hard to resist. I have been clean for five years now and have learned a lot during this time. I want others to have the chance to rebuild their lives.
In the following sections, I will detail my first experience with drugs, present the events leading up to and following it, and share the lessons I have learned from this experience. I hope my story helps you understand the nature of addiction, and the people who suffer from it, and gives strength to those in similar situations.
There was a boy who didn’t get love from his parents. Sound familiar? As far as I know, there are many people like this. These people are more likely to be enslaved to different things, as they have not received the right rewards. That’s how my story started. As a child, I was constantly looking for my place in the world, trying to compensate for the lack of love and support I didn’t get at home. Because my parents did not fulfill their obligations related to education, I drew all the information and samples from my environment. Later on, I would like to thank them because I finally became a better person.
I was 15 years old, and my life was simply drifting with the current. Once, a friend who was giving me a weed cigarette appeared. “Let’s try. Why not?” — was the call. By the way, I would like to congratulate every young person who can say no to this. I was curious, and although I didn’t know it then, I had been living as an addict for a long time. The “program” dictated that I should do it, try it. As an ignorant person, I did what my environment put before me.
Think about it, adapt, and incorporate into society. This is the universal instruction I followed. If he does it, I have to copy it, I have to do it. Of course, what I didn’t know was that my friend who first offered me the weed was as lost as I was. He also followed faulty programs. Both of us tried to cope with the challenges of life in our own way. He probably just wanted to adapt to the world, not live like a criminal. How could a child be a criminal? Because he just wants love and attention. You have to show them the way because if you don’t, they’ll find one that will result in trying to cling to a piece of false hope given to him by the drugs.
So, the first time. After the first few puffs, I entered a strange, euphoric state that temporarily filled the void caused by the lack of love and attention. Suddenly the pain and the world stopped. No more bad feelings. At that moment, I felt happy. Unfortunately, I did not know that the path I was taking was a steep slope with no stops. So I had no reason to be happy, but let’s not take this experience away from my 15-year-old self. He felt good and honestly needed it.
As time went on, we met more and more often and pulled out the weed. The initial monthly visit quickly turned into two or three times a week. The initial experience passed. As a result, more and more substances were needed. Happiness was moving away. Of course, it still helped to forget everything, but I no longer felt the joy I felt then, the first time. After that, something else started. This is a long process, more than ten years of pain, suffering, and sadness. I ruined myself. I destroyed everything. My life has failed.
Now the question may arise easily: Why didn’t you stop? Very good question. It’s not that easy. I couldn’t. I couldn’t do it. The pain and suffering grew larger and stronger. It turned out that I built my entire life around it. There was only one solution to every problem: drugs. I know it can be difficult to understand, but this is the solution for every addict. Whether you like it or not.
Of course, I often tried to stop. There have been myriad times when I decided: enough. I felt that everything was changing now. Now I’m finally going to take my power. I may have been happy for a few hours. Do you know what happened next? I failed. Again and again. Then one more time. Over the years, I was disappointed in myself many times. Guess how I relieved disappointment? Exactly. Even more drugs. A perfect solution to forget all the troubles and problems. After that, life went on exactly as before. I gave up healing.
Fortunately, a tiny, hopeful thought always buzzed in my head. “I’ll stop it when the time comes.” I never let go, I always held on to that. When the time comes, it will be better. Imagine! That’s exactly what happened. But that’s another story.
Finally, I would like to ask all the dear readers to be patient with these addicted people. They don’t do this to make it worse for you. They don’t do it because they enjoy it. They do it because they suffer inside and can only ease it a little. I’m not saying you should allow and forgive everything, but in such a situation, they are not masters of their own actions. This is not their perfect form. Just shadows of themselves. Show the way to those who need it, and they will try.
My last thought about this story: I want to inspire every addicted person not to give up. You are never alone. Even if you don’t see it, there may be someone in the background who wants to help. Just grab their hand. If not, ultimately you are always there for yourself. Believe in yourself! Because if you don’t, others won’t either. This can be useful information for everyone. Be valuable to yourself because you are the main character in your own life, and there is always an opportunity to choose a different path.
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