The Frightening Cost Of Sacrificing Your Authentic Self
As we inherit genes from our parents, we also inherit their hopes and dreams.
He wanted to die because he wasn’t living for himself.
He was a family guy who lived to impress his family’s expectations (especially his dad). He did everything his dad wanted him to do, from school to college and getting a job. But, an aching pain within him pushed him to the edge.
He hoped that he wouldn’t wake up the next day.
He was burned out from living below his potential because of others’ expectations. It was the tipping point at which he decided to go against the norm.
The person he looked up to most wasn’t sailing in his boat. Yet he still did it because of one crucial decision.
The option: You can either die for others or die for yourself.
The choice: I had to let my dad’s dream die for mine to live.
Without much support from his family, he embarked on his quest. He dreamed of opening gyms across America, which he did, and generated millions of dollars as well.
Alex Hormozi released a video in which he mentioned how he went against his family to start his business.
Your parents want the best for you, but they don’t know what’s best for you
Most of us are blessed with good parents. They might not have much, but they try to provide as much as possible.
The best becomes worse when they want you to take the safest path and be secure. It is especially true for parents who never had security and comfort. They kept running along the lines while letting go of their hopes and dreams.
As we inherit genes from our parents, we also inherit their hopes and dreams.
A child with a malleable mindset can be beaten into the shape you want. We get beaten down by their expectations. Many of us live that way, but there comes a day when things change.
Your hopes and dreams collide with theirs.
The deciding moment
When you come to know that you are living for someone else’s dreams, your heart sinks to the bottom of the ocean.
Your every action depends on whether you will disappoint the person you look up to.
What about you?
The awareness will cause you to disappoint people and cause pain. But you need to decide whose approval matters the most.
Your belief that you’re going to be viewed as a failure by your uncle is the sole reason that you live the rest of your life below your potential and regret everything that you don’t do. — Alex Hormozi
When you become aware of yourself, it becomes a lot more difficult to disappoint yourself. Because you are the one who has to embody the disappointment.
You can’t do it long enough because it never feels good. You must throw in the towel on either side. One side has to fully take over to protect you from tearing apart.
You might want to go against your family, but it won’t be easy.
Be a good member of your family while keeping your shady business a secret
Now, there’s nothing wrong if you don’t care about their approval anymore.
But that doesn’t mean you’ll go out and yell about it at the top of your lungs. Instead, start your shady business on the side. *It’s not what you think it is.*
Shady business means you have to start exploring your dreams on the side. You need to figure out what works for you. Make time every day to explore the stuff you like. This is a shady business for the secure members because all they see is the downside.
It’s up to you to find the upside and only show the results.
Talk about it only if you can show the results
You don’t want to go ahead and tell them about all your hopes and dreams.
It becomes a bugle call for them. They come up with all their reasons because they don’t want you to fail or because they are afraid of the downsides. If you go against your family but don’t even know what you want, chances are they will force you back to the norm.
However, when you are crystal clear about your goal and bent on achieving it, That’s a whole new ballgame. Few will hold the power to change your mind because you are clear about your hopes and dreams.
That is what I am trying to do. I have been good at academics, college, and other stuff. But, I don’t think that I can sit for 8 hours a day in a cubicle for a lifetime.
Does that mean I am clear about my hopes and dream? Not at all. I am still trying to figure it out. However, I am gaining clarity on what I don’t want. First, you should focus on what you don’t want because it’s easier to find out than your wants.
Keep working like a good family member but be aware that’s not how you want to end up.
Final Thoughts
I know it’s tough to embody the expectations of others when you have to fulfill your own.
But you need to become aware of the following things: Who’s approval matters to you the most? Is it you, or is it someone else?
Once you become aware, choose your side. Don’t stand in the middle. There. is. no. middle.
Be a good family member, but don’t share your hopes and dreams with them until you have some results. Chances are the secure members will try to talk you out of it. They will belittle your dream and tell you everything that could go wrong.
This adds fuel to the fire.
Decide whether you want the fire to keep you warm or burn you down.
Thank you for taking the time to read this article.
