The Imp on My Shoulder
How writing is helping me turn my impostor syndrome around
I’ve got imposter syndrome. Had it for a while. I think of it as my inner imp.
She sits on my shoulder whispering bad stuff in my ear. Sapping my confidence. Telling me I don’t belong. That I’m not half as good as the next person. That I don’t know enough, don’t have enough experience, that my opinions aren’t valid. That I shouldn’t speak up. I mean, who exactly do I think I am? I’ll get it all wrong. Really, I should go sit quietly in the corner and stop embarrassing myself.
My harshest critic is my own internal voice.
And so, I do sit quietly.
A Fractured Confidence
I’ve had imposter syndrome for most of my life. But recently, between having my children, making a career change, and losing my mother, that voice got really loud.
My confidence fractured. Little by little. Slowly, so I didn’t even notice until I was in that devil’s thrall — cursed with so many sharp, prickly doubts.
I’ve turned down opportunities. Limited myself. Shrunk my world. I didn’t have the confidence or personal resources to take on anything that felt challenging or scary.
But you know what? I’m doing something about it.
And writing is part of the plan.
So thanks for reading this. You’re helping me turn that imp on my shoulder into an angel.
Breaking the Cycle
Imposter syndrome is ridiculously common.
70% of us will experience it at some point in our lives, and it often gets worse when we’re starting something new. According to the American Psychological Association, imposter syndrome is a vicious cycle, where we either over-prepare or procrastinate, then feel like a fraud:
If you’re feeling this way right now, there are ways to manage it. Ways to break the cycle.
The most helpful advice I’ve found is by life coach Tiwalola Ogunlesi of Confident & Killing It. When I read this, something clicked:
KNOWLEDGE AND CAPABILITY ARE NOT THE SAME THING.
Just because you don’t know how to do something right now doesn’t mean you can’t quickly learn, practice and start improving. So if your imposter syndrome is triggered when you feel out of your depth, take some time to grow and develop your skills. The more you improve your skills the more confident you’ll be.
I don’t have the knowledge to write an article. I’d never done it before last month.
But do I have the capability? Hell yeah.
I’ve been writing about my work, and it’s scary and wonderful. The process of researching and writing has helped me to distil what I do know, and grow and develop my skills. In articulating my knowledge on paper I feel more confident to talk about it too.
In the process, I’m learning that I’m an expert in my field. Not just hearing it from other people, who I never really believe, but convincing myself. Drowning out that imp.
Turning the Imp into an Angel
So, I’ve started to break the cycle by forming a writing habit. Avoiding both over-preparation and procrastination by making myself write an article every few days. Just doing it.
An article doesn’t have to be perfect, or world-changing. I don’t need it to go viral. I don’t need people to read it — although that is nice. I enjoy the process of writing.
And the funny thing is, I’m finding that when you interrupt the vicious cycle of imposter syndrome, you start to build a virtuous cycle.
The more confident I’m feeling in one part of my life — writing — the more confident I’m feeling in other parts of my life too.
It’s almost as if, by focusing on my little imp, really paying attention to her and actively doing something about my imposter syndrome, she’s turning into a force for good.
So if you’re thinking about getting started writing, but your imposter syndrome is holding you back, just do it.
Don’t overthink it. Don’t put it off any longer.
Turn that imp into an angel.
Like this story? Give it a few claps! 👏 so more people will see it
References:
