The Three Rules From My Childhood That Molded my Unique Perspective
The competitive advantages my parents gave me in life…
I am the child of two people, who even after getting unexpectedly pregnant at 20 years old, have built a beautiful life together and are approaching early retirement.
The older I get, the more perspective I have on what my parents went through having me at such a young age. And the more thankful I become for the way they raised me.
Growing up, there were three major things my parents delayed in my life that allowed me to have an interesting and unique take on technology, social media, and makeup.
#1 I Didn’t Get My First Phone Until I Was 14 Years Old
At the time I hated that I was seemingly the only person my age without a phone and was embarrassed that I had to give my friends my mom’s phone number to text them after school.
They didn’t know that of course, because instead of admitting that I was an outcast with no phone, I lied and said that my parents didn’t let me bring my phone to school. Classic.
Growing up without a phone was hard but not as hard as I imagine it would be now. Remember, it was 2014 when I was 14 years old, so although iPhones were well integrated into middle schools by then, it wasn’t unheard of for kids my age to not have a phone.
I felt isolated and so not cool not having a phone. But looking back, I’m glad it happened that way.
Once I did get a phone- a hand-me-down iPhone 5 for Christmas- I knew it was a privilege and not a right. I had an immense amount of respect for it, and what it allowed me to do, and knew that it was a big responsibility, to have and take care of a phone.
But beyond all that, I was a kid who knew how to have conversations with real people because that’s all I had done for 14 years. There were no social barriers for me because I got accustomed to the online world at a young age, which is what we see for many kids in the younger generation.
I also knew how to have self-control because I learned self-control apart from having a phone and now just had to transfer those skills I had learned to what it meant having a phone. This is the same for self-discipline and procrastination.
There were also rules that my parents had that came along with the phone that was annoying to follow when I was young but that I don’t mind having to follow now that I’m older.
For example, I wasn’t allowed to have my phone in my room overnight, I didn’t have YouTube on my phone, and my parents had the right to look through my phone and check things.
All of these things have culminated in a young adult who can focus, have real-life conversations, and doesn’t feel attached to their phone.
And I’m actually kind of proud to say that I didn’t get a phone until three years after the average age of people getting their first phones (11 years old).
#2 I Didn’t Get Social Media Until I Was 19
I also wasn’t allowed to have social media when I was younger and made my first Instagram account as a freshman in college at age 19. I’m now 23 years old which means I’ve really only been on social media for three years (since I took a break from 2021–2022).
I didn’t have as much of a problem with this rule as I did with the whole No-Phone-Until-14 rule. I liked that I didn’t have social media and that it set me apart from everyone else who did.
You’d be surprised how many “Oh my gosh!! You don’t have any social media?!” I got on a daily basis.
Not getting social media until I was 19 taught me many things but here are the top three-
- I didn’t grow up comparing myself to the people in my real life and the people online. Because of this, I have confidence in who I am and where I’m at, I don’t experience FOMO, and I can genuinely be happy for other people’s achievements without feeling jealous.
- My self-confidence was built on a foundation of support from my family and friends and the ability I recognized within myself rather than the fickle foundation of ‘likes’ and ‘comments’ on social media.
- I learned to maintain friendships by actively investing in relationships through phone calls and texting rather than passively staying up-to-date with people’s lives through what they post on social media.
Social media, I feel, is still a pretty divided topic with some people being pro-social media and some being anti.
What really changed my perspective on this as I’ve built an online presence over the past three years is that social media as a consumer is way different than as a creator.
As a creator or entrepreneur, social media can give you a huge competitive advantage if you use it correctly.
But as a consumer, social media can distract you and take up way too much of your time and your life. It can make you feel left out, keep you constantly comparing, and make you a jealous person.
All in all, I’m glad that I waited so long to get social media and that even now that I have it, it’s for business purposes and not to show off or keep track of my personal life.
#3 I Didn’t Start Wearing Makeup Until I Was 17 Years Old
The final rule that my parents had was that I wasn’t allowed to wear makeup. Now there were a few exceptions, I did grow up a competitive dancer after all, which required pounds of stage makeup for each performance. But for the most part, in my day-to-day life, I wasn’t allowed to wear makeup, not even mascara.
As I started getting older, I wanted to wear mascara to school so the fact that I wasn’t allowed to was really frustrating sometimes. I would often sneak wearing mascara by putting it on in the school parking lot and washing it off before my parents got home from work. But that’s beside the point.
Growing up not being allowed to wear makeup again, did wonders for the way that I view myself and the confidence I have.
I learned to love who I was and appreciate my natural beauty. I learned how to be confident with a pimple on my face and let my personality, rather than my looks, invite people into my life.
This gave me confidence as I started dating knowing that the guys I was with weren’t with me because they thought I was good-looking with makeup on. But were with me because they were attracted to my natural looks and liked me for my personality.
Even when I did start wearing makeup, it was only mascara and tinted moisturizer with SPF. And only recently, I added some blush to my daily routine because I think it’s cute.
Having gone through the most transformative years of my life not wearing makeup has had lasting positive effects on who I am today.
The foundation that I built my self-confidence on is strong and I don’t feel like I have to be wearing something certain to feel good in my skin. I wear makeup because I want to, not because the way I feel about myself is contingent upon some product I put on my face.
Real Talk
When I was living through these parental rules and regulations, I hated them of course, because it felt like I had no freedom over my life.
But now that I’m older and have some hindsight, I’m thankful for how my parents raised me and some of the things they held off from allowing me to do.
Not getting a phone until I was 14 allowed me to build focus and be able to have intentional conversations with people.
Not getting social media until I was 19 allowed me to find content in my own life and not compare myself to others.
Not wearing makeup until I was 17 built a strong sense of confidence in my natural looks and personality.
I don’t know if I’ll be able to raise my kids the same way or if not letting them have social media will create social isolation. But I do hope I can afford my kids the same opportunities I had to create and find these things within myself without technology, social media, or makeup.
Hindsight is always 20/20 and I’m glad for what my parents did. It created a unique perspective for me in life and has given me a competitive advantage.
