The untold truth of divorce!

(I know because I am divorced and my parents were too)

I know you know that divorce is painful but you will never really know how painful that is until you go through it. And I am concerned that many women are walking away from their marriages these days. I will not say easily but as difficult as it is, they prefer to do it.

Divorce needs more work to sustain and with a combination of extreme pains and sadness, more painful sacrifices than working on a dead marriage as long as it is not a life-threatening situation. I will always say that it is better to go through the pain of divorce and stay alive than stay in a life-threatening marriage that involves physical fights.

Divorce will still take you more years to break partly free from because the truth is, if you have children with anyone, you will never completely be free from him or her.

It needs money. A lot of money to survive it. You may now need to buy your peace as opposed to asking for it or working together for it with your husband.

My mother left my father. Her reason was valid but I think if she had a chance to go back, she would have stayed. She remarried. My father remarried. My sted mom went through hell and back with my father but after many many years, she is happier now than my mom who left. The children of my stepmom are happier and live well while those of us whose mothers left are struggling as if we have no father.

I may not be able to say it all in an article, I may not have so many convincing words to tell you, but divorce, please only go through it because it is forced down your throat. Do not choose it. Always choose no matter how bad you think things are in your marriage, they will never be as bad as what is waiting for you in divorce. There is so much involved that needs a full psychological unpacking. But I want this to be short so I will tell you this not to put you in fear but to open your eyes. Watch the lives of many people who divorced after their divorce, it takes God to keep you sane. Most of them lose themselves and go into drinking and all sorts of things.

They will tell you the person is struggling with cocaine, but what is pushing them to harm themselves with all these things? Loneliness! Loneliness is said to kill your cells like someone who smokes a 30 pack of cigarettes a day every day. Think about that before you say that I will be alone and I will be fine. I am not saying this will happen to everyone but it will happen to most of those who divorce. Trust issues, anger, courts... oh goodness, so many things.

Divorced people are sometimes so lonely, more lonely than they were even in their marriages but they will never admit it. There is so much divorced people go through that they may not even be able to admit in public. That's why most of the time they move from partner to partner and it is not healthy for anyone.

They keep a sharp mouth out of pride. they want to make you believe they are fine when truly they are not. All of this out of pride. Even the statistics are not answered honestly. I have seen divorced people. I am one. I have heard and I have read. And my conclusion is that they are not honest about the depth of their pain. If people had to be honest, you will be amazed at the things you would hear.

I know my words were everywhere but please, do not think divorce is the solution. It is just another form of marriage with the same person but with different problems fueled usually by hate or revenge.

Divorce is something that needs a full book to explain.

Stay in your marriage and work on it if your partner is willing to do something. Whatever that may be as long as at least they want to help somewhere. Unless it is one of these people who rejoice while others are in pain but if it is the average human being that is also seeking to be happy and can listen if problems are brought to their attention, work on your marriage. Do not run fast or slowly with divorce. The grass is really not always greener on the other side. And even if it is green, you will still need to put in work to keep it green just like I am pleading with you now to do in your current marriage.

I know the pain, I have seen it and I have seen them who left cry like they will die now but will not admit it because they have already told people and will no more be able to accept the shame of swallowing their words. If the divorce was not forced on me, no matter how insane my situation was, I was going to stay and endure a few years, work, pray and believe that change will come and I am sure there is always light at the end of the tunnel for those who put work and faith in anything they do.

We all agree that everything takes time. Pursuing a writing career takes time or any career at all. Why will marriage be an exception? Sometimes you work more than others because you want to achieve your dreams why not do the same for your marriage. I have been married, I know the drill but if you are willing it can be done.

But if you still want to go through it, you will at some point remember my words if you do come across them.