Psychology
The Uphill battle
Obsession or Hate — The two extremes!
The cost of success
Often, in pursuit of success, we overlook other aspects surrounding our life. Humans are ungrateful beings. Blessings are taken for granted; success is measured by the size of our bank account, status by our designation and the mass of friendships are measured by the spring balance of the mutual advantages we can gain through professional networking.
We ignore people who love us and love people who ignore us.
We take our loved ones for granted, assuming that they will stick around for ever, we even think of a caring heart as foolish; a person who probably has nothing better to do than to worry about our well being is looked with the lenses of doubt: “Oh well, he/she must expect something in return. Why else would he/she care? ”
I often thought, no one can love you as much as your mother and it is true, until you fall in love and you start worshipping the object of your desire.
The Balance between Extremes
Every thing in balance keeps you sane but any time the balance shifts to either extreme i.e. turns either to an obsession or to hate, you are bound to be miserable.
While Google search tells me the two extremes are as follows:
Agape: To love selflessly and Abhor: To hate strongly ; I feel most people fall somewhere between or edging towards the spectrum of obsession and hate.
Obsession an unhealthy diversion
To obsess is to worship some one. You let that person consume your thoughts, your mind, your daily routine is affected and if the object of your obsession ignores you, the pain is similar to physical pain.
I will never stop trying. Because when you find the one… you never give up.— Crazy, Stupid, Love
The best contemporary example of Obsession can be found on Netflix. The series “You” is about an obsessive romantic maniac murderer who stalks his victims after falling helplessly head over heels for them. Some how, he ends up being both the victim and the hero of the story.
The Cultural relevance of Love and Hate
The term Hate is often accompanied with malice. Hate is a strong word and so is Love. They are the two most powerful emotions at the opposite extremes, that drive people to act irritational often causing more harm to their wellbeing in due process.
These two terms have a cultural context as well. While in the Western culture when a man or a woman says: I love you, they take their time. It is often the most difficult sentence and its cement the foundation of a solid commitment but these three words are usually uttered at the start of most relationships in the Eastern cultures and thereby, they lose their meaning over time. Commitment is expected in the form of engagement or marriage.
If I had a flower for every time I thought of you… I could walk through my garden forever.— Alfred Tennyson
When you say, I love you, it means you care for that person, you value that person and above all, you respect that person and you are happy they came into your life. At least, that is my concept of it.
In time we hate that which we often fear.
― William Shakespeare, Antony and Cleopatra
On other hand, when the thunder of hate strikes upon us, in our rage we leave ourselves or others incapacitated. We blind ourselves to the possibilities and opportunities around us. The only person you damage is yourself while you are fuming in hate and the anger consumes you, the other person is busy living their life. So, why share you care about a person who does not care about you? Why shall you harm your wellbeing?
Humans gravitate towards complicated emotional extremes, either love or hate; we all are driven by one emotion or the other but in the end, we all crave for one thing — acknowledgment.
Love can easily turn to hate and hate can easily turn to love, it all depends on the right approach and the willingness of the other person to put in the effort.
From the deepest desires often come the deadliest hate.— Socrates
To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything and your heart will be wrung and possibly broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact you must give it to no one, not even an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements. Lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket, safe, dark, motionless, airless, it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable. To love is to be vulnerable. — C.S. Lewis