The Workings Of Quitting
The things that happened while trying to leave a dead-end job.
In the mid-2000s, I worked as a Test Engineer for a maquiladora company in my hometown in Northwestern Mexico. The working environment was toxic. And, even when it was interesting for a while, I was working an exploitative dead-end job.
It became old for me to keep swimming against the current. I started thinking about leaving my job. However, I hadn’t done anything to go away. Thinking of something isn’t the same as doing something. The difference is the actions taken to achieve something.
I wasn’t the only one wanting to leave the company. Most people wanted to go away. But, as the economy is always compromised, everybody stayed, waiting for a better opportunity. It could take years as job opportunities are limited in my hometown.
The thought of waiting for years was very disappointing and depressing to me. “Could I wait for years?” was a constant question I asked myself. My continuous answer to myself was: “I had to”.
I used to have this recurring dream: I woke up in the morning, went to work, finished my shift, and returned home.
Then, I would wake up from my dream. It was terrible to realize I was at the beginning of the day and still having to go to work. It may sound exaggerated, but it was like waking up into a nightmare. Every time I wanted to scream “Noooooooooooooooooooo!!!” but I didn’t. I just got out of bed and got ready to go to work and start my day.
People around me used to say we should feel lucky to have a job. For a part, it is true. However, we all have feelings about what happens around us. Invalidating or ignoring those feelings doesn’t make them disappear and stop affecting oneself.
Around those days, I had an encounter with a former classmate. It was very unexpected. We got acquainted about what we had done in the past and what we were doing at present.
My former classmate used to say she wanted to get married right out of school. Then, she would have children. Years later, she got married and had her children. She worked for a while as a teacher. She was happy and living a quiet life.
Right out of school, I wanted to work and find out what it meant to work as an engineer. I had heard a lot of things. Things like women didn’t get engineering jobs or things like being a student, at any level, is very different from being a professional. Years later, I was a female engineer working and I knew what it meant to work in my field. I was happy with my achievements.
We talked briefly, but this talk was revealing to me. One way or the other, we achieved what we set ourselves to do those years while being students. We did it on our terms. I felt happy for both of us.
I realized it was time to move on to other things. It was then that I started looking for new job opportunities. Over time, I got some interviews here and there. However, job offers were scarce and low-paying. So, it would take time to find something proper.
At some point, I had another revealing conversation with a female co-worker. I don’t remember what happened. But, as was usual, we were at odds with some circumstances inside the Engineering department. Both of us were angry at the situation. As we continued to talk, I said to her:
“We should leave the company and start a business.”
She replied:
“But a business about what?”
Just as she didn’t know, I didn’t know either.
There we were. Two promising young women. Two great engineers. Ready to take upon anything the company threw at us. Ready to solve any problem or issue that came our way. We were good at it. But, we didn’t know what to do about our futures beyond our employment.
I realized this was something I needed to figure out. I needed to take control of my career.
In the meantime, I continued to work. I continued to do my job as expected of me. My boss started to push us, his subordinates, into taking on more and more responsibilities. He and the company had some nerve.
We were already doing the work of two to three people. “Make more with less”, that was their motto. As things were, we were all saturated, and help wasn’t coming. There was no budget. That was the classic excuse. So, I just heard him but didn’t move a finger to do more than I already did unless it was a priority.
My boss had this project of acquiring more technical responsibilities from the corporate company in the USA, particularly those related to the Research and Development of products and equipment.
He had a plan for every single one of his subordinates. For a part, the plan was inexecutable in the way my boss envisioned. Regardless, the goal was to squeeze us even more.
My boss asked me what it would take for us to assume the development of products and equipment. I said:
“As we don’t have the knowledge or the experience, such things could take years to achieve. It would be necessary lots of training, mentoring, and testing.”
My boss didn’t like my answer. He said:
“We don’t have years. We need to do it in a year.”
My boss’ ignorance and ambition were abysmal sometimes.
At some point, he said:
“We would learn on the fly while we do it.”
I told him:
“The technical challenge to deliver something of market quality is overwhelming. Such a thing cannot happen in short amounts of time or on the fly. In any case, it would be more proper to hire someone who already has the experience to reduce the time factor.”
Of course, my boss didn’t like that either. An experienced development engineer would cost a lot of money. My boss wanted to do it in the cheapest way possible. The cheapest way possible was for one of his subordinates to assume the responsibilities and learn how to do it, in this case, me.
At the same meeting, one of my boss’ preferred bootlickers said it was possible to meet his demands in a year. The bootlicker, a senior engineer, said what my boss wanted to hear. By this, my boss declared the meeting was over. We would do it. I wondered when.
As it turns out, it needed to be soon. Formally, the plans to develop equipment started. Informally, we didn’t start anything. Sooner rather than later, it became clear we didn’t have the necessary equipment or space to do it. We didn’t have the budget and personnel to execute the first phase. And there were other priorities. The regular assembly and testing processes were still there and required attention. So, it became clear we didn’t have the time either.
Eventually, my boss started interviewing people to cover a new engineer position. The idea was for the new guy to cover for me while I was overseeing my new responsibilities as an equipment developer and technical liaison with a Chinese sub-contract company.
As I started training the new guy in the basics of my activities, we began to oversee different aspects of my responsibilities. Over time, I figured out the new guy wasn’t very bright. Then, it became clear to everybody. I hoped he pushed himself into it and began getting around things. If he didn’t, things could get complicated.
One day, out of the blue, my boss transferred the new guy to a different area. Therefore, I couldn’t finish the new guy’s training. The new guy would also train to become a process engineer. My boss wanted the new guy to become a wildcard engineer.
On the other hand, it became clear the first phase of the equipment development transfer wouldn’t be my responsibility. The senior engineer would oversee the initial transition. I didn’t need to get involved until later in the game in case things progressed. So, I would take care of it when the time came. I had other daily priorities to oversee. I had to put my full attention into those as pressure came from different ends.
My boss interpreted my attention to other priorities as a lack of interest in this great opportunity he had figured out for my career. He was good at manipulating people into wanting the things he offered. I saw him doing it hundreds of times. It was difficult for him to see he couldn’t glamour me as he had others in the past.
Still, he didn’t give up. He started making promises to me… again. I could get promoted and make more money. I could go to China and expand my horizons. He even stated I was intelligent and young and had the strength and drive to do it. I had accomplished so much already, and I could achieve even more.
On one occasion, I politely told him:
“It sounds very nice. We will see when the time comes.”
Over the years he had already made a lot of promises. None of those became a reality. So, had my reserves about all this.
He wanted me to be enthusiastic and engaged about the whole thing. After all, enthusiastic and engaged people produce better results. I wasn’t enthusiastic about being exploited even more than I already was.
As my boss didn’t find a way to make me want this opportunity, he threw me into the claws of the HR manager. She had her way with words too, but in an intimidating way. This woman was sinister.
When the HR manager asked me to go to her office, I didn’t imagine why she was summoning me. There were a lot of things going on at the time. The last thing passing through my head was discussing with her taking on more responsibilities relevant to a different department. There was no logic to such a thing.
So, there I was, talking to the HR manager about the wonderful opportunity the company had for me, an opportunity I was disdaining. It was an uncomfortable situation. Still, I stayed stoic.
For a moment, I wondered what I should say to this woman. Should I give in to her menacing polite demeanor? Or should I just tell her what was on my mind without being harsh and keeping calm?
I knew this woman didn’t care about me or any of the company employees. We could all die and she wouldn’t even flinch.
I also knew I was sitting at her office because my boss couldn’t convince me of something imperative for him, his career, and the company. For a part, his frail ego couldn’t accept it. For another part, he didn’t have the guts to get his hands dirty by acting as a menacing figure. He wanted to keep his diplomatic figure act. The little respect I still had for my boss died while I was inside that office talking to the HR manager.
I told the HR manager the truth, or should I say, my truth. It was the only one I had. I knew the HR manager would tell my boss at least part of this. Or her interpretation of this. After all, they were colluded.
Politely, I told her:
“My work has been very interesting inside the company. The years I have spent here have been an enriching learning experience. I feel very grateful for the opportunity to work here. However, as things are now, I don’t see more growth for me. There have been different growing opportunity plans that didn’t become a reality over the years. I know about all the possible upcoming opportunities, but I don’t see growth in those. In the past, I have already got myself involved in activities like the ones the company is proposing. My personal experience wasn’t the best. This is part of my reluctance.”
I don’t know what the HR manager was expecting, but she wasn’t expecting this. Our conversation continued in a very polite and diplomatic manner.
At some point, the HR manager politely told me:
“When we don’t like our jobs anymore we become lazy.”
I politely replied:
“It isn’t my objective to become lazy. My objective is to continue to work giving the best of me until my last day at the company, whenever that be. And, by the end of the day, I am here to fulfill the company’s expectations and to obey the orders I am given. If the company requires me to take on more responsibilities, I will as it is my duty to do so. I have never said or stated otherwise.”
At this, the HR manager nodded. She didn’t convince me of anything, but what I told her was true. I was there to obey orders. The discussion regarding the issue finished. Then, we continued to talk for a few more minutes before she dismissed me. In the end, this conversation went way better than I expected.
However, the situation bothered me. I saw how far my boss would go to force someone into something. As I told the HR manager, I was there to follow orders. There isn’t much more to it in any work environment. Anyone would know that.
Still, my boss wanted to get inside my head and convince me. When he couldn’t do it, he threw me into another instance to push me with fear and intimidation.
If my boss hadn’t sent me to the HR manager, I wouldn’t have concluded it was time to fire him and the company from my life. I would have stayed at the company for who knows how long until a new opportunity arrived.
Deciding to quit was difficult. After all, I had a job and a steady weekly income. If I left, what would I do? When and where would I find another job? There was an uncertainty to it. I had always pictured my resignation while already having another job secured.
I checked my financial situation and realized I could be fine for a while. Then, I took a deep breath and set a date to leave the company. Two months from the day I made the decision. I didn’t want to leave just like that. There were fundamental pending issues I wanted to see through.
When I set the date, I also decided that, after leaving the company, I would take some time off. I needed it, and I would give that to myself. I was stressed and overweighed. It wasn’t healthy. And I promised myself I would look after my professional benefit. How? I didn’t know, but I would figure it out. I was good at figuring things out.
Once I decided to leave the company, I felt this weight lifted off my shoulders. I felt lighter. I never had my recurring dream again.
When I presented my resignation, my boss didn’t like it. But he stayed calm. Our conversation was polite until it wasn’t that much from his end. As it was Monday, I told my boss that my last day at the company would be next Friday.
He told me:
“You can’t do that! It is too soon! You should give a two-week notice. You handle a lot of confidential information. The company work regulation doesn’t have a two-week notice rule for resignation. However, it is expected. Your replacement needs a transition period to take over your duties.”
Suddenly, I was important, even when I wasn’t a trusted employee. Even when, for years, my boss showed me how unimportant I could be. It is incredible how certain things change given the unfolding of unexpected events.
My replacement, the new guy, was already there. It wasn’t my fault I couldn’t finish his training. It wasn’t my fault either that he didn’t have the skills to execute my job or any other job inside the company.
On the other hand, most people quitting the company gave a one-week notice. No one wanted to say “Hey, I am leaving” and stay there for two more weeks. Some people even quit on the same day they left the company.
Politely, I told him:
“I wasn’t aware a two-week notice could be a requirement to leave the company. It didn’t even cross my mind. In any case, next Friday is my last day at the company.”
After this, I saw how my boss’ shoulders went down as his facial expression changed from polite angry to downright disappointed angry.
My boss stayed quiet for a few seconds. Then he added:
“I am going to speak with the HR manager so the two-weeks notice is added to the company work regulation!”
My boss was such a baby sometimes.
That same Monday, my boss made the new guy return to my office to finish training. The new guy didn’t even remember what we had covered six months before.
I did the only thing I could do at that moment. I gave the new guy the guidelines I had written over the years. Then, I told him to read those and attend the calls. That would give him a taste of what was to come. If he had any doubt, he could ask. And, so he did.
As the week passed, I started to receive all sorts of farewell and support messages. It was nice to see who liked me inside the company. I felt overwhelmed.
Someone mentioned my boss was in such a bad mood no one could even talk to him. He barely said anything to me during that week. It was rare. He was always talking to his subordinates.
We have a saying in Mexico that goes: “Me estaba castigando con el latigo de su desprecio”. In English language, this means: “He was punishing me with the whip of his contempt”.
I didn’t care about his antics. I was leaving. My life was about to change. I set that change. I welcomed that change with whatever good or bad consequences it could bring to my life. I was moving on.
My boss finally came to my office on Friday to say goodbye. At some point, he asked me if I would be interested in doing consulting services for the company. I said yes. It wasn’t true, but I said yes anyway. I was just trying to get out of there as swiftly as possible.
So, the day finished, and I went away. I just returned for a pending payment the company owed me a week later. After that, I never returned.
The following week, another engineer quit the company. After her, in a matter of a few weeks, someone else within the Engineering department left. The over-worked engineers started to realize what was in store for them. So, they began to run away.
The first Monday after I left the company, I had my first midday meal in tranquility in years. For the first time in years, I didn’t have to cook in a hurry while counting minutes to return in time to my duties within the company.
I just cooked a midday meal for me and my family. I was able to sit with my family without pressure. We had the time to talk, eat in tranquility, and share a few laughs.
It was just a simple home-cooked meal. That meal has been one of the best meals of my life.
Finally…
Looking back after all these years causes me to smile at the whole situation. Many things have happened since those days.
I had a lot of free time for a while. I got myself enrolled in a gym. I started to exercise and lose weight. I began to learn about cooking and how to lead a healthier life.
I realized that a healthier life isn’t only something about the food you eat. A healthier life is also related to the people around you.
I started to write a personal journal. Because of this, I began to do a lot of thinking. This journal helped me see the many mistakes I had made in my personal life and why. It wasn’t nice to realize I had delved into toxic behaviors even when I said to myself I would never do certain things. Unfortunately, when you grow up in an unstable household, there is a good possibility that some of that instability will get through you even if you don’t want to. So, I started trying to change these behaviors to become a better person.
Eventually, and after a few tries. I found another job. This job was related to the Internet. Fortunately, this job wasn’t as demanding as others I had in the past. I had the time to introduce myself to software development and other interests.
At some point, I started to work as a freelancer and later as an independent contractor. It has been an adventure. Sometimes crazy, sometimes scary, but never dull. There is always a possibility, even when it doesn’t look like it.
I have had good and bad times after quitting my job. But I wouldn’t change it. Being on my own has taught me a lot about myself. I have made a lot of mistakes, and I have had a lot of successes. All those are mine.
