There’s Nothing Wrong with Being Alone
Being comfortable with solitude
It’s a Sunday morning. I’m cooking a delicious breakfast, the smell of sausages permeating the air. I place them on top of my toasted bagels with a drizzle of salad cream. It’s a weird combination, I know.
I make myself a cup of tea and head back to my room to enjoy the meal I made along with a video, I stumbled across on YouTube. It’s usually a video about a restaurant or a professional eater scoffing down heaps of food in minutes. Again, it’s weird, I know.
As I relax in my bed, wrapped in the warmth of my dressing gown and duvet, I sigh in contentment.
I am alone and it feels good.
There were times when I hated being alone. As a teenager, I would be so lonely in my room. Constantly staring at the four walls, wishing I was somewhere else. My mind would wander and imagine a different life.
Fast forward to university and it didn’t get any better. It got to a point where I avoided being alone. I took any opportunity to stay out for as long as possible because home was where the depression was. Home was where I felt alone.
However, no matter how much I avoided it, I still felt depressed. The problem wasn’t being by myself per se. It was the negative thoughts, the past trauma and the most embarrassing moments that would replay in my head. They were the loudest when I had no distractions. Regardless of what I did, those thoughts were still there.
I couldn’t continue this way; I had to find a way to carry on and make life worth living. A part of that was to be comfortable alone.
So I did something about it. That summer, I had therapy, I started going to the gym, I reduced my time on social media, and I did other activities by myself. I even went to events on my own. In the end, my mental health improved and I created new connections that I would cherish for years to come.
By having the courage to do things without someone to join me, I became at peace with myself and who I was. I did the inner work and it paid off.
Years later, there are times when all I want to do is stay at home, in bed, reading a good book or playing a random mobile game. Sometimes I worry about being perceived as boring, or uninteresting.
But then, I remember my younger self, who avoided solitude like the plague, and it feels me with gratitude.
I am alone and it feels good.
