This is how I pulled myself out of the habit of complaining
Gratefulness as an every day practice
“Oh, I’m going through a lot in life, physically, mentally or emotionally. And no one understands me! Not even those motivational podcasters. They think that I’m not being grateful! Wow! Don’t I deserve to have something worth feeling grateful for before anything else?”
This was just another thought among the 60000 thoughts a day that made me feel miserable for existing. I dived into my thoughts when I realised how our habit of complaining stems from our childhood, just like many other things to be fixed.
I am a university student, so I complain about the food I have to eat every day, the excess amount of work expected from us as students, the hot weather, or my phone’s bad camera. And when I end up getting low grades, complain! Complain! Complain!
But why do we complain?
Complaining makes us feel better at that moment. In a way, it’s a technique to conveniently blame something intangible rather than take charge of an action/event.
And where exactly did we get this habit from?
Umm, parents and teachers, maybe? Of course, it was unintentional, but I’m not blaming anyone. I’m here, trying to look for the root.
As kids, we were never good enough for our teachers or parents. They’ve had all the expectations in the world from us. Excel in academics, master an instrument, go for painting classes, get a gold medal, get a black belt and be soft and obedient. No matter how much we did, we were never good enough.
My report card always had a ‘Can do better’ principal remark, even with most A’s and a couple B’s. And then, we learn the art of comparison. When we are placed on the left side, almost all our friends are placed on the right with a line separating us based on our strengths and weaknesses like those strengths were things to flaunt and those weaknesses were things they were ashamed of.
And so, no matter what we did, we were never enough. They were never happy, never satisfied, and so did we end up as. Unsatisfied with every little thing without finding things to be grateful for.
But how do we unwire this habit of complaining? How do we bring a sense of gratefulness to our lives?
Gratitude journals and whatnot. We have millions of solutions to the very same problem. Problem — The Habit of Complaining. But do these really help? Maybe, maybe not.
I don’t understand the logic when people say, “Omg! Be grateful you’re alive. Be grateful for the oxygen etc. etc.” And while I do understand the importance of water and oxygen, acknowledging them doesn’t really help me feel better. But my oh my! Complaining almost releases all the stress in my mind. But does it remove it or just hide it from your site for the time being?
Being grateful is crucial, and there’s absolutely no doubt about it. But we get to choose what matters the most to us and what we are genuinely thankful for.
Consciously changing the words we use is definitely something we can do. Instead of complaining about a load of assignments, we could be grateful by acknowledging that millions of kids would dream of being at our place. Instead of complaining about the food, we could be thankful for knowing that millions starve and sleep on an empty stomach. We can always find things to be grateful for, no matter the adversity.
I am not promoting toxic positivity as I know how horrible it feels when someone asks you to look at the sun, moon and stars, and you want to punch that person in the face at that moment. Complaining is fine as long as it isn’t a regular thing. If something bothers you, vent it out in a journal or talk to someone you trust. But then try bringing yourself back to feeling grateful.
And yes, you don’t have to be grateful only when you’ve cracked an interview or when you’ve earned a promotion or award. You neither need to force positivity by feeling grateful about intangible things like oxygen and water. You can always think that your life and struggles might be bothersome, but millions in this world would happily swap lives with you.
Remember, sometimes life doesn’t make sense at all. But time has got all the answers. So you might as well find gratefulness in the little things you’ve always ignored while you walk on the road to get to where you’re meant to be.
Day 3 of my 30-day challenge! Thank you for reading :)
