This is where I found hope when life played its worst moves.
How I overcame one of my worst phases of life
Have you ever had moments in your life when it feels like everything around is crumbling down? Be it your career, your health, your relationships or your lifestyle? Or are you going through such a moment right now? If so, let me, from my experience, tell you how I found hope in the most seemingly helpless situation.
So, it was May of 2021 when life decided to not just break me but shatter me into pieces as tiny as possible. I had been lonely for over a year after a to and fro situation with my only best friend I had at the time. I had been infected with COVID right before my mid-semester exams. My loneliness and my academic performance contributed to insomnia and frequent panic attacks with anxiety for almost the entire day, every day. In fact, my academics was the worst despite my every effort because, well, an honest person in an online semester at college decided to not cheat no matter the circumstances.
I don’t really think I can ever find the right words to explain the intensity of pain and sadness I felt at the time. When I looked into the mirror, all I would describe myself as was a failure.
Because I had gained weight, had severe acne post-COVID and the amount of hair fall I experienced as a side effect made me feel I’d go bald in a couple days. I had forgotten to smile, had dark circles around my numb eyes, my hair was undone, and in short, I was an absolute mess inside out.
But, I still pushed through. Somehow, I managed to survive through this storm without losing my values. Did I score well that semester? Hell no! Did my health improve? Hell no! But I learnt it the hard way to stop weighing my worth on numbers that fluctuate and, in most cases, aren’t even real.
With the summer break we got, I reconnected the dots and realised how all my life, I had placed my entire worth on statistical success and how it had always crumbled me down. A perspective shift was crucial in such a hard time.
I still had things to be grateful for. A family that recovered from COVID and could manage to pay my fees despite the financial crisis. Understanding parents that supported me and trusted me with my decision to not cheat. (Well, my CGPA is slowly improving now that we’ve had our recent semester offline.) And, I found a friend in songwriting.
The lyrics and melody I penned down during my worst days make me immensely proud when my friends now at college appreciate the words and their meaning. Maybe one day, these lyrics might reach someone on the other end of the world and give them hope to try one more time. Who knows? But songwriting to vent out my emotions and see something that was killing me all this while turn into something beautiful kept me alive through those times.
In terms of the answer, I personally feel venting out works wonders. It may not fix things for you, it may not make them better, but I promise it holds a magical power to give you the strength you need to swim through those times. Venting out in my notes app was my way. I didn’t particularly want to talk about my negative thoughts to anyone purely because one thing I’ve known is that we’ve all hated advice when all we wished for was an ear that would patiently listen and never judge.
So for me, the notes app it was. For you, it may be a person; it may be a voice note or a physical journal. But please don’t bottle it all up. Find a safe space to vent out, and I promise things will get better. Because the sun never fails to shine. I had written a song to keep me going at the time that I wish to share a couple lines of.
“ But even the new moon nights lead to bright mornings.
And a caterpillar flutters her butterfly wings
Even the rains spread rainbows across the sky,
Every end births a bright new beginning.”
Fast forward to February of 2022. Won a National Level storytelling competition from my college after narrating this very story. Met new people and made the best of friends through sharing this story, and I couldn’t be more grateful.
You really never know when and how life is going to surprise you. So while you’re dealing with the storm, trust that the weather will clear out and the sun will shine, and you will be in a much happier place than you’ve imagined for yourself. And until then, I love you. Take care!
This was day 6 of my 30-Day writing challenge. Thanks for reading :)
