Want To Change? Then Get Help
Change is tough. So whatever you do, don’t try to change on your own.
In this coaching article, we will hit on two topics that fit nicely together.
Firstly we want to understand what triggers our behaviours, and secondly, how we can get help from others to support our efforts.
When we have an understanding of why something happens, it often makes it easier to understand how to change it. Because most of the challenges behind our results relate to our habit patterns, it makes sense to understand what habits are and where they come from.
A habit is a way we have learnt to do something and then mastered it so well we no longer have to think about it.
Habits enable us to function in the world. If we didn’t have them, we would struggle to do basic things like walk, talk and write.
As a child, we learnt to respond in particular ways to various stimuli. We gained an understanding of ’cause and effect’.
As we get older, our habit bank becomes larger, and we can do more things without having to think about them. The challenge lies, though when we find we have a habit pattern that no longer serves us, such as eating the wrong types of food at the wrong times.
These old patterns have formed our comfort zone, and when we do something contrary to our comfort zone, we experience discomfort.
Few people like being uncomfortable, so most of us just revert to our old ways. Hence we achieve very little.
This is the challenge of change. To make changes that become permanent, we have to be willing and able to step outside of our comfort zone.
Two things help us do this:
- An understanding of what is causing the discomfort
- Support while we are experiencing the discomfort.
A way of helping us to understand what is behind our discomfort is the ABC Model of Behaviours.
A — stands for Antecedents. These are things that trigger our behaviours. They are things that stimulate us to respond to particular events and feelings.
B — stands for Behaviours. As a result of the Antecedents, we respond in a certain way. These include what we do, i.e., the choices we make, the way we eat, etc.
C — stands for the Consequences. These are the results of the Behaviours and what happens because of them.
Sometimes the ABCs are described as those things that happen Before, During, and After.
When we begin to understand the ABCs, we become aware that we can intervene at any one of the first two stages. We can alter the triggers or how we respond in order to get a different result. But to do this, we are going to be outside of our comfort zone, and this is where we need other people’s support.
If we know a little about psychology, we might well have heard of a person called Maslow. He did a lot of research into the motivation of people, and he identified that we had some basic needs that we satisfy in a particular order.
The first is to survive, i.e., have food and water. The second is to find shelter, so we are protected and kept warm. The third is to socialise; to have a feeling that we belong.
This need lies in all of us and is often ignored when it comes to people setting out to reach their goals. Working with others can provide us with significant support through challenging times.
Many people do not want support from others and go about achieving things by themselves. If we are one of these, then that’s great; just make sure you work with a health professional, though, because this way, you will get the advice and feedback you require.
If, on the other hand, we do need some social support but are not currently getting any, then we need to consider how best to do this.
For some people, it is straightforward, they turn to their spouse or partner, but for others, for a variety of reasons, this is not possible.
First of all, we can get a degree of support from a health coach; otherwise choose whether we want help from one person or a group.
If it is the latter, then try and join one of the group programmes at your health club. If you don’t like working with groups then try and find somebody who you can work with; research clearly shows that when we have social support, we achieve better results.
When working with a partner, be aware that it is important that we must remember to work on the relationship as we would in any other situation.
It is going to be a give-and-take. When considering a partner think about yourself first, your circumstances, your personality, your goals. You want to find somebody who is similar to you and somebody you can trust and confide in.
So to conclude, change is uncomfortable; we cannot stay the same and expect to get a different result! To help us manage this discomfort it is useful to understand the causes of it and enlist support from others while we are experiencing it.
If you are looking for more advice and recommendations on how to build lasting habit change when it comes to living a healthy life, please visit www.myhealthcoach.online
Chris Deavin, Owner myHealthCoach
