After nearly three decades of inhabiting this good earth, I have decided to go public with my guts (i.e. inner space).
Why? That’s a terrible idea. Keep your guts inside, babe.
…Um. Excuse me, dull, obtrusive thought-demon, but I happen to have actual aspirations in life…
such as FAME.
Haha. Just kidding. I’m disturbed enough.
What I truly want is to chokehold my fears, shove them into the backseat of my nonexistent pickup truck, and drive right out of life as I know it. Maybe even shelter some hitchhikers along the way.
Huh?
Translation: I’m creating something new in my life, and through that process, I’m hoping to help other people create something new in theirs.
Okay, so, two things.
- That’s sort of generic and almost everyone on the path of self-growth eventually turns their gaze towards “helping people”.
But why? Why do we do that? Tell me why, Spongebob Jeremy.
Well, there are some distinctions to be made about what helping others actually means, and the different motivations which underlie the behaviour.
In one respect, wanting to serve humankind seems to be an organic by-product of growth during one’s life and career trajectory. Once we cross a certain threshold in our development of the Self, the need to give back usually kicks in. Reciprocating is an opportunity for us to embody and radiate gratitude.
Helping others can also satisfy our own need for belonging and connection. From an evolutionary perspective, it makes sense that we ourselves would benefit from bettering society. This is great! Mutual benefit, collective progress.
Taken too far though, we can quickly become selfish and oblivious to the dangers of our own compassion. When I’ve been suspiciously altruistic for a while, I remind myself that the road to hell is paved with good intentions, and proceed to make my mom really angry just for fun.
All jokes aside, I used to give unreservedly to others, even at my own expense, because I wanted to be needed and valued. It was part of my work to realize that I was, to a degree, being selfishly compassionate, and then grow into more heart-centred, grounded, mature compassion.
My current favourite approach to helping others, is to be open inside the practice of embodying the divine. And I can’t think of a more aligned way to do that than to create.
Sidebar: Huh??
Okay, I need to focus because this is an introduction-to-me sort of story, and talking about embodying the divine is a whole other thing that needs its own multiple-part series.
What I mean by “to be open inside the practice of embodying the divine” will be the exact subject matter of my next post. I promise.
For now, the point is: there is a relationship between divinity, creation, and serving others.
Back to creativity, which brings me to the second thing. Remember when I said “okay, so, two things”?
This is the second thing:
2. What “something new” am I actually creating?
Me.
Well, my specific relationship to my creativity. I am honouring and prioritizing it now more than I ever have before, and I want witnesses. I want tangible proof of action in the 3D world.
I lean more towards introversion by nature, and sharing aspects of myself — especially on the internet — has always felt weird.
I know, I know, don’t yell at me; a lot of other people who feel the same way still choose to put themselves and their work out there.
Yeah babe, you’re like, describing every writer. Like, ever.
But for all those who do, there are so many that don’t. And before today, I was part of the subgroup called don’t: nope not me -never. okay, maybe in the very very distant, very very future. like, right before I die.
I don’t want to be fully alive right before I die, though. I want to be fully alive now, immediately. And for me, that means it’s time to create from the smithy of my soul (thank you, James Joyce), and share what I’m doing with the world.
Each of us have something exquisitely unique, something so totally ours, that when we finally express “it”, the cosmos shakes. Something switches on in the universe. The ecosystem of existence becomes more robust. New life emerges from the abyss.
You get the idea.
I’ve realized that my work is most potent and useful when I allow the specificity of me to come through — without holding back. So, my writing here will be decidedly personal. It may be twisted in genre and dark humour from time to time, but it’s fully me.
On my page you will likely find:
- My thoughts and insights.
- Other people who I find cool’s thoughts and insights.
- Music recommendations.
- Original memes.
- Sweet, haunting imagery.
- My artwork.
- The occasional sexy rant about death.
Scary and vulnerable business, but good business.
Finally, it wouldn’t be fair to anyone reading this for me to simply allude to James Joyce without including the full, life-changing quote.
“Welcome, O life, I go to encounter for the millionth time the reality of experience and to forge in the smithy of my soul the uncreated conscience of my race.” — James Joyce, A Portrait of the Artist as a Young Man
Okay, James. I’m going, I’m doing it right now —
And with that, I launch from Inner Space, and glance back to watch the edge of my fear softly fade as I surge into the vast unknown.
