What should I say?
Awkwardness, please let go of me.
Dora- the explorer was an important part of my childhood. We can all agree that it was fun. I used to spend hours watching the same episodes again and again.
Last week, while I was surfing through channels, I stumbled upon it again. Within a few minutes, it somehow managed to trigger my social anxiety. I’m not trash-talking the show but her asking dozens of questions, staring directly at me through the screen, brought back horrific flashbacks from the most awkward and perplexing conversations I have had in the past.
Have you ever been in a situation where the conversation was full of gaps and there was nothing but awkwardness between you and the other person? Or, when you threw a ridiculous opinion about something and they were staring at you in dismay and horror?
If yes, then here’s a high five we are together in the squad. I’ve probably been there a million times, talked about the weather, the pandemic, anything to avoid the situation.
But, this seems to be inevitable for me, I can’t avoid it. Maybe I’m doing something wrong, or maybe I overthink the situation. I might be processing it all wrong and turning myself into this weird ball of anxiety. Everybody in the room seems to be having fun, and here I am, cautiously picking my words so that I don’t rattle out something stupid.
I will forever admire those people who can simply make an excuse and walk away from conversations like these. I should probably do that. Say anything, make an excuse and just go. But again, that would be rude. What if they are really into the conversation? What if they have been feeling like an outsider all their life and this is the first time somebody is listening to them?
I look at them with attentive eyes, pretending to be very much into whatever they’re talking about. While my mind is thousands of miles away in its own dreamland. Suddenly, there’s a halt.
Is this the part where I’m supposed to throw in my opinion? But I don’t know what they were talking about. Last I remember, it was something about missiles or bombs? Was it fireworks? What was it? I think it was the world war or something.
Do I know anything about the world war? Maybe if I had taken those history lessons seriously, I wouldn’t have appeared as dumb as I am in here. I could change the conversation. Something relevant, contemporary, easygoing.
They’re looking at me with eager eyes. I have to say something. What do I say?
“What do you think is west of Westeros?”
I will do anything to not live that moment ever again.
