What We “Owe” Each Other
The fine lines and social contracts we share with friends
Do you remember the first friend you ever had?
Relationships have always been a necessity for humans, regardless of how solid, unstable, or completely unforeseen these attachments turn out to be, and when it comes to making friends, It’s uncertain when a lifetime connection may develop.
Sometimes, It may originate from the innocent relationships made in childhood or it may grow unpredictably as a result of a chance meeting in adulthood, but no matter how it starts, every encounter between people has the potential to create a deep relationship, be it with a fellow traveler on your daily commute to work or with a playmate in daycare.
Friendship, which is the basis most human relationships, often rests on unwritten rules. These informal social contracts establish standards, limits, and the natural give-and-take of the connection. While these contracts remain mostly unspoken, they have a profound impact on the inner workings of friendships.
The sharing of trust, camaraderie, and support between two people is the foundation of any friendship. This interplay of “scratch my back and I’ll scratch yours” is necessary to sustaining a strong connection.
We count on our friends to support us during difficult times, to rejoice with us when we succeed, and to provide us a sympathetic ear. But the subject of where dependency starts and support ends is one that comes up frequently.
Although shared dependency is the foundation of friendships, an over reliance on one another can weaken a bond and when one person continuously looks to another for monetary, practical, or emotional support without expecting to give anything in return, that person is said to be dependent.
Having a perpetually dependent friend has been known to cause the supportive friend to feel overburdened or taken advantage of, which can lead to bitterness and estrangement.
However, the line separating reliance and support might also differ greatly from one person another.
Our perception of the expectations of friendship is shaped by social, cultural, and individual factors. For example, while autonomy is an admirable trait in certain societies, it is customary in other cultures to rely largely on close friends and family for assistance.
Furthermore, factors such as personal traits and life situations come into play which is why some people can’t give as much assistance as others because of their own boundaries but others can because they are just innately generous and sympathetic.
We can all agree that the skills involved in creating, managing, and retaining friends can be a mixed bag, depending on where life takes us and our unique circumstances. But I believe it is safe to say that at some point, we may have encountered or perhaps been one of the sorts of friends listed below:
The “Taker” Friend
This is a typical friendship imbalance, defined by a regular practice of getting rather than contributing. This manifests in a variety of ways, such as repeated borrowing without paying back and emotionally unloading without offering equal support. Such people frequently prioritize their demands over the relationship, leveraging benefits such as connections, talents, or energy.
While leaning on friends during difficult periods is understandable, enjoying one-sided benefits without making contributions crosses the line into exploitative behaviour. However, this behaviour is not always deliberate and at times people are unaware of the consequences of what they do on others.
The “Enabler” Friend
The enabler friend is on the opposite end of the spectrum from the taker friend and frequently values the needs of others over their own, resulting in an unstable balance which takes the giver to the verge of exhaustion. People who overtax themselves to support others can find it hard to set boundaries and prioritise their own well-being.
In severe circumstances, this constant self sacrifice can lead to dependence on others, as one’s self-esteem becomes linked to the satisfaction and validation of another.
The “Fade-Out” Friend
Friendships can fade due to many reasons. Different goals, long distances, transitions in life (e.g. marriage or parenthood), and unsolved conflict may test even the strongest friendships, resulting in a progressive decrease in interaction.
The “Toxic” Friend
A toxic friendship is identified by an ongoing cycle of unpleasant behaviour that harms both people. These connections are frequently known by the presence of constant conflict ( they always bring the drama), deception, blame, gaslighting, a negative mindset, and disrespect for the opinions and boundaries of others.
The “Frenemy” Friend
A frenemy is a unique combination of buddy and adversary, set apart by a complex mix of emotions. On a superficial level, there is a sense of friendship and solidarity, but there is frequently an invisible subtext of competitiveness. While frenemies may share laughs and secrets, there is always a struggle for control, whether in social settings, love pursuits, or career wins. In the end, the frenemy bond usually continues for convenience or shared advantage rather than real affection.
The “Acquaintance” Friend
Acquaintances are unintentional relationships made via common social or business connections. Such connections usually have shallow exchanges and little intimate revelation as they lack the depth of feeling associated with friends. While strong bonds of affection may be lacking with acquaintances, mutual admiration is frequently present and given time and shared experiences, an acquaintance connection might blossom into a deeper one.
The “Mentor” Friend
A mentor-mentee connection is marked by power differences, and involves the mentor imparting advice, encouragement, and experience. While this relationship can be extremely beneficial for both professional and personal growth, it is critical to establish appropriate limits. Mentors provide expertise, abilities, and knowledge and act as positive role models. Respect is essential for making sure both sides are valued and understood.
The “Sibling-like” Friend
Sibling-like connections often feel like a part of family. These ties, which stem from sharing common childhood experiences and private jokes, shows intense devotion and unwavering support. These relationships, like any other close connection, may go through periods of difficulty, but their tenacity usually makes way for forgiveness and a stronger bond.
Every relationship we encounter adds its own colours and patterns to our lives. Understanding the complexities of these relationships allows us to make meaningful connections, overcome challenges, and further our own development.
Recognising and categorising the various sorts of relationships in our life is critical for successful social functioning and allows us to create appropriate boundaries, and prioritise how we spend our energy and time.
This recognition also enables us to form deep connections, manage problems better, and, eventually, improve our overall state of mind.
Navigating these intricacies requires self awareness, and a complete grasp of the potential risks and benefits that each connection presents because ultimately, the quality of our life is often reflected in the quality of our friendships.
