What Writing on Medium Taught Me About Doing Things For Myself
And gave me a better understanding of productivity
It’s been a couple of months since I have made it a priority to write actively on medium. When I started, someone told me that Stripe is now live in India. I was over the moon with this information. My motivation to write on this platform had shot up by 100%. And listen, I did my homework, okay? I checked on Google and found that Stripe is available in its beta version in India, not rolled out fully. I didn’t check ANYTHING beyond that. So the information is correct. Stripe is FINALLY here. I can FINALLY enroll in the Medium Partner Program as an Indian citizen. The thing is, I started my homework, but I got happy and left it midway.
I began writing with all my focus and excitement. I may not seem so if you look at the regularity of my posts, but I have a certain style and I want to use this platform to convey my ideas and perspectives. I don’t want to turn writing into a chore. I’m not going to put something out unless I am satisfied with it.
Basically, I write regularly but post very irregularly. Every piece takes multiple rounds of rewriting, editing, and moments of pride and happiness followed by my utter disappointment and regular doses of imposter syndrome at what I’ve written. But I have enjoyed it thoroughly up until now, even if I feel like my pieces are not doing very well in terms of the responses.
About two weeks ago, while thinking about ideas to write, the suspicions of my eligibility for the MPP rose to the fore again, and I decided to continue the homework where I had left it. Within a few minutes, I encountered the truth and, I feel a little shame as I say this, all my motivation to write on this platform was shattered. But I understand this feeling. The sudden loss of interest obviously rises from the expectation of building a potential income stream through this platform.
I’m sure, it’s a motivation for many writers on Medium. For the past couple of weeks, I had stripped writing off of my priority list and engaged myself in other things. I mean, finally, you get a platform where you can get paid for the type of writing you want to do. Because usually, it takes years before writers get accepted and noticed for their work and even more before they start getting paid.
Here’s an app that finally gives you that but I don’t get that feature in my country because a payment gateway isn’t available here. Here’s the irony, there is no lack of payment gateways in India and India is leading in digital payments and fintech in the world right now. For two weeks, I had been seriously contemplating the benefit of writing on medium anymore. But I absolutely didn’t want to quit.
Being a brown kid and growing up in a middle-class family, my idea of whether or not to do something has evolved to this: if it helps you get a job, or a better job, or helps increase your earning potential or helps achieve your life goals in some way or the other, then it deserves your time.
The relentless chase for wealth and prosperity is heavily influenced by hardships in my family. I had left almost no space for doing things I love, things that give me joy without necessarily being productive. In fact, I can recollect a feeling of guilt and the constant reminder of more important things while coloring in my mandala coloring book some weeks ago. In the past several months, I remember feeling guilt about taking breaks and watching movies. But during a recent night, staring at the ceiling fan in my room, I decided that this is unhealthy and I have to confront it. And very naturally, as if it had been waiting impatiently, the question popped up:
“I can’t be productive all the time. I am only human. I need breaks. If I know this, why do I feel guilty doing the things I love ?”. I think, it is because I know this as a fact, but I didn’t believe it and accept it.
The sudden peace and overpowering purity of a revelation right there. Those moments are some of the best, aren’t they?
As I have mentioned before, I have thoroughly enjoyed the past 2 months of writing and maybe a couple of years of reading on medium. I really like this platform. A space dedicated to readers and writers and lovers of the written word. I am grateful for having stumbled across some magnificent pieces from people here purely by serendipity.
Sometimes I have found people whose pieces have made me feel like they are just the exact things I feel and carry in my heart. I have also taken shelter in the words of many people while being down when I needed warmth. This led to answering the door and confronting the reckoning, the question that was waiting to release me from my rigidity.
It’s important to do things for yourself, even if they won’t make you money, or get you into the best college in the world. Why ? Because you owe it to yourself. You deserve to be happy and do all the things that make you happy. The things you love doing are such a big part of you are, and cutting them out of your life is like leaving a part of yourself behind. In my opinion, it’s a huge disservice to yourself. Everything we do doesn’t have to be necessarily productive. Taking breaks isn’t a sin or mean that you aren’t hardworking. It doesn’t mean you are cheating or not dedicated enough. And productivity doesn’t mean spending every waking moment working for your goals. What is the point of living through life if you don’t do the things that make you happy ? I have come to understand that certain things in life won’t increase my bank balance or buy me a house, but they are super important and will help me grow as a person.
These realisations have flowed through me in the past few days and I have been feeling very relaxed. A huge mental boulder has been lifted off my mind. I have noticed that witnessing financial struggles and their effects on your family can deeply impact your ideas about money, jobs, education, time, and a lot of things. I’m glad I have been able to unlearn a deeply flawed understanding of productivity and doing things for myself.
So, what now? It sucks that the Medium Partner Program is still unavailable in India and I really hope that changes soon. Until then, I’m going to keep writing at my usual pace and read all your amazing stuff. I hope you start doing all the things you love that you have put off for a while. Bye.
