About Me — Lindokuhle Shandu
I’m an introvert, but what else?
· Who am I?
· Where do I come from?
· Who I was?
· How did I start writing?
· Who am I becoming?
· Be you: a message from me to youOne day, you’ll find the above picture in the Hire Me page of my freelance copywriter website. I edited it for that purpose.
Hello. What’s good? Thank you for being here. You’re about to read the best article I’ve written to date. Enjoy.
Who am I?
I’ve been searching for answers to this question for the past 2 years and it’s not been an easy one to figure out. If you’ve ever been to a job interview, you’d know that the “tell us about yourself” question is kind of a nightmare to answer, but why is it, really? I mean, I don’t have the luxury to swap bodies or lives with someone else like Lindsay Lohan and Jamie Lee Curtis in Freaky Friday. I have to live with and be myself for the rest of my life, but why is it so difficult to understand myself? Hopefully, there will be an answer to this question by the end of this reading.
Let me start with the things I do understand about myself; the things I like. I like books, music, movies, and of course, writing. Truth is outside academia, I never really liked to read, until I came across Lana Blakely’s YouTube channel in 2019.
Lana is a YouTuber from Sweden and she’s an introvert, like me. Her content inspired me to open my mind and start thinking critically and logically about things, accept, embrace, and love myself, and read books. She made me feel proud to be an introvert.
The first-ever book I bought and read was The Alchemist by Paulo Coelho which was mentioned by Lana in her YouTube channel, followed by a few of his (Coelho’s) other novels which I also enjoyed. My top 5 favourite books in no particular order are:
· Man’s Search for Meaning by Viktor E. Frankl.
· You Are A Badass by Jen Sincero.
· Eleven Minutes by Paulo Coelho.
· Be Water, My Friend: The Teachings of Bruce Lee by Shannon Lee.
· The Rules of Thinking by Richard Templar.
Next to my reading list is:
· Think Again by Adam Grant.
· Influence: The Psychology of Persuasion by Dr Robert B. Cialdini.
· The Power of Now by Eckhart Tolle.
Fiction, non-fiction, self-help, Psychology, and spirituality are my favourite book genres.
Movies I like to watch include action, comedy, action comedy, martial arts, romantic comedy, romance, inspirational, dance, and a little bit of musicals and erotica. Music I like to listen to is old school and contemporary R&B, pop, hip-hop, rap, Amapiano, and Afropop. I grew up listening to African gospel music and Beyoncé and watching Bruce Lee movies.
Bruce was my childhood idol who inspired me to take karate lessons back in 2009, and now I am inspired by his philosophies. I never knew that he was a philosopher until recently.
I love being alone, but appreciate the company of the people I love and who love me back. I don’t know how to be a boyfriend, but I’m the best at being a great friend and human being, and one day I’ll be the best husband to someone. I don’t have a kid and I’m currently single. I have a great sense of humour and love to have deep, meaningful, and thought-provoking conversations. I believe that prayer changes things. Being surrounded by many people for more than a couple of hours makes me feel completely drained of energy. I assume all introverts can relate. My favourite places to be which allow me to recharge are the sea, movie theatre, and book store. I have never travelled outside my country of birth, but I would very much love to.
The adventures I would love to explore include skiing, skydiving, swimming with dolphins, ziplining, bungee jumping, riding horses, driving a boat, singing and dancing badly in front of a large crowd, camping, practicing boxing and kickboxing, and having sex in a public space with someone I’m in love with. I have a wild imagination, don’t I?
I suffer from anxiety which explains why I write about mental health, including self-help, self-improvement, personal growth, and spirituality.
I have been a perfectionist and an overthinker for most of my life, but I am actively working on becoming less of these things.
I don’t like chocolate, butternut, and beetroot, and I hate toxic, narcissistic, and abusive people. I don’t own any pets, but I don’t like to see any animal suffer. There was a time when I tried to save a dying cat’s life which I found lying helplessly in front of my room’s door at home when no one else was willing to save it, but I failed and I was hurt deeply. Those were one of the many occasions which made me realize how big my heart is.
Where do I come from?
I was born in South Africa in May of 1997 at a township located in Durban. “Township” is what you probably understand as the hood. I speak Zulu and English. I’m the elder brother to 4 younger sisters and was raised by my grandparents. My mom had me when she was only 17 years old.
I graduated in 2019 with a Bachelor of Social Science Honours in Criminology and Forensic Studies degree from the University of KwaZulu-Natal (UKZN).
Who I was?
I grew up being a good, shy, sweet, introverted, obedient, well-behaved, and academically smart kid. I’ve seen kids misbehaving and getting hiding for it, but I was never that kid. I always did the right thing from a young age, or at least what I had been taught by my family and society as the right thing. You can say I did everything by the book.
I worked hard at school and excelled academically, respected everyone, humbled myself, never got back home late, never associated myself with bad company, never touched alcohol and drugs, and never got myself in any serious trouble.
Does this make me perfect? No. Does this make me innocent? Definitely not.
Growing up being this person definitely had its benefits which outweighed the costs, but I only got to realize the costs when I started doing some soul searching from 2020 mid-pandemic.
Some of the benefits were recognition, respect, praise, and validation from my family, friends, and society. My family also showed me unconditional love and support for being and doing the right thing which I’ll always be grateful for.
However, since I grew up being and doing what was expected of me, I didn’t even realize that I wasn’t as self-aware as I thought I was. I didn’t know who and what I really am, what I really want, and what I’m really good at.
So, I started writing to discover and express myself.
How did I start writing?
The truth is it all started in 2018 mid-year when the thought to write a love letter for a girl I met and fell in love with within 2015 crossed my mind. She never got the letter I had written for her, and so I decided to turn it into a memoir.
Prior to that decision, writing and reading had become my hobbies, but the more time I spent on writing, the more it developed into a passion. I spent the first 2 months of 2019 and the whole of 2020 writing my memoir, but I haven’t published it yet. My manuscript was rejected by multiple book publications I submitted to, but I have faith that one day I will be a published and successful author. I believe that my book is a masterpiece awaiting an audience.
In 2020, I had too much free time on my plate because of the pandemic that came with lockdown restrictions which compelled us all to stay at home. I was a sophomore Master of Social Science in Criminology and Forensic Studies student at the time, but the unexpected pandemic made me lose motivation to study and I didn’t have the money to pay the registration fee. So, I couldn’t register and therefore, didn’t complete my Master’s degree. This is how I “dropped out” of the university.
I spent most of my time reading and writing to keep myself busy and sane. These 2 hobbies had become the coping mechanisms that saved me from a total mental breakdown. I’m sure you can understand that 2020 wasn’t good for any of us.
Would you believe me if I were to tell you that I wrote 2 books in one year? The second one is a psychological memoir and is a follow-up/sequel to my first memoir. They are both currently unpublished.
At first, I thought I was going to regret dropping out of the university, but it turned out to be the best one ever. If you’re wondering how come, here’s the article with the answer. The article also explains what I do for a living and my career aspirations just in case you’re wondering, but if you’ve been reading my content, you’d recall that Psychology and writing are my first loves.
If you’d like to read more of my stories, here’s 3 of my most popular ones:
To read the rest of my stories, kindly follow me here.
Who am I becoming?
The memoir I told you about, it’s about my journey to self-discovery after losing my chances at getting the girl of my dreams. The full story about my encounter with her and everything that happened and didn’t happen between us is in that book.
I spent more than a year writing it, hoping to find all the answers I sought for in discovering who I truly and authentically am. I have found some answers which I wrote in this article, but I am still searching for and becoming more myself which probably means my book is technically not yet complete.
I’ve come to realize that one can never stop learning about anything, including themselves, for learning is an endless process.
“Learning is a constant process of discovery — a process without end.” — Bruce Lee.
One revelation I’ve had ever since I started my journey to self-discovery is that I feel more energized, self-expressed, and authentic when I write. I’m really good at it and I’m getting better and better at it. It feels like a Gift that I’m meant to use to make a difference in people’s lives. I am a writer.
We may have accomplishments, material possessions, families, jobs, or whatever that has our names on it, but do any of these things define who we really are as individuals? I used to think so, but now I’ve realized that there’s more to us than whatever it is that we own or possess. If you take these things aside, you are left with you, an individual.
I read an article by Louise and it beautifully captures the essence of individuality:
“My earthly role right now is mother. My profession is artist. I am also a runner and fitness fanatic (I workout on average 5/6 days a week.) I wish I were a “real” writer. I do NOT love to cook. I hate to clean, but, of course, I have to do it. I am super blessed that I get to drop and fetch my son from school and that my work allows me that flexibility. I love being a mom.
But these are roles or things I do. Functions I fulfill. They are not me. If I lost my right hand in an accident, I wouldn’t be able to paint, and I’d no longer be able to call myself an artist. So that is not who I really am. And, before my son was born and gifted me with being a mother, I was still me. So what is that essence that is me, without roles, titles and functions? What is the energy that animates this flesh? Is that me?
Am I my experiences here on this earth? I think not, because I was still me on the day I was born, wasn’t I? Before I had even a few minutes on this planet under my belt. I realise that this is the age-old question that no philosopher has ever been able to answer satisfactorily (yet), but I still try.”
Be you: a message from me to you
We are all born into a society and culture that enforce their beliefs upon us from the moment we are born. Even though I have nothing against that, I believe that one should still be free to be who they are without the noise telling them who, what, and how to be.
No one knows you better than you because no one is you. No one else has lived your life but you. We all have one life and we shouldn’t waste it by saying, doing and being who, what, and how we’re expected to be by society and the culture in which we’re born and bred. I mean, that’s how people lose themselves from the first place. Be careful you don’t get distracted from being who you are by the noise from people who can’t even figure out who they are outside the noise they grew up listening to and practicing.
I don’t believe that anyone was born to replicate other people’s ideas and beliefs of what is and what should be. I don’t believe in fitting in, but I believe in standing out.
I’m not saying be a douchebag. It’s very important to be a good person and treat other people with respect and compassion, as long as they treat you the same, but it’s even more important to be who you were created to be.
Take myself, for example. Growing up, my family wanted me to become a Medical Doctor, but deep down I always knew that it wasn’t my passion. I spent my childhood and teenage years telling everyone who asked me what I was going to be when I grow up that I’m going to be a Doctor because that’s what was ingrained in my mind from a young age, but here I am now, about to start a freelance copywriting business and pursue a Graduate Programme in Investigations. My family is still supportive, regardless of choosing a different career path.
I’m simply doing me. What’s stopping you from doing you?
Just so you know, I still am who I was, except for the shy part, but older and wiser. Guess that means I’ve been me this whole time, but if you beg to differ, please let me know in the comments section who else have I been?
If you’d like to chat with me and get to know me better, follow me on Instagram. I look forward to get to know you as well and perhaps even become friends because why not?
