Why I Was Rejected From 3 Facebook Mom Groups
Learnings from failed attempts at building a community
I recently quit my 15+ year career to write about what maternity leave experiences are like to help new parents be better prepared.
Not the best financial decision I’ve ever made, but it’s happening.
Looking into getting a book published, I realized that it has parallels to starting a company. The book is your product, and building your audience is crucial to getting investors (a.k.a. a publishing deal).
My audience ‘platform’ didn’t exist. My Instagram has been deactivated for years. I also, unfortunately, deleted my Facebook account last Spring.
Not a great starting point.
So now I’m back on Facebook. I uploaded a picture and started asking friends and connections to accept me.
Some said yes. Some don’t look at their accounts. And one long-time friend rejected the invite, telling me she thought I was hacked.
To broaden my lens, I asked to join some private mom groups. Connecting with other moms would help me hear new perspectives and get honest feedback on my ideas.
But I was rejected.
The first time I received a rejection note, it said my account had not existed long enough, and they did this to protect the group.
So I waited a week, added more pictures to my profile, and wrote a detailed letter with my request. I explained that I have four kids and want to connect with other moms.
The rejections kept happening.
Three local groups sent me a message (which I hope was automated) explaining that my account was too new.
The public groups that I could get into were filled with spam. So I decided to fit in and add my own…
I thought making my Facebook ads as a play on spreading misinformation would be funny. But it was hard to find a spot to put this in a mom group without sounding too insensitive.
It wasn’t the right audience for my sense of humor. My ad went nowhere.
Learning appreciation and humility while focusing on what I can control
I’ve learned there are many ways to build a presence online. Facebook and Instagram are two platforms of many. I’ve discovered a handful of other useful channels, like Reddit and Quora. Do what’s natural for you.
And while I can make fun of my failures, I’m also proud of my modest successes.
In the past few months, I’ve interviewed roughly 400 young moms and built unique data with valuable perspectives for the book.
I’ve also launched a newsletter called 4th Mom Memos that’s gaining readers and helping me create an honest dialogue with other young moms.
And most importantly, I’ve started to measure success differently — focusing less on fickle status symbols like ‘fans’ and ‘likes’ and more on goals I can control. This means writing a better piece today than I did yesterday and polishing it. Ultimately, aiming to combine these stories into a book that I’m proud to share with my kids.
A controllable goal that takes real grit to hit is the best type of challenge.
