Why It’s Better To Have Few Friends Than Many
The realness and happiness from friendships are not determined by number
A few years back, I got sick and I was hospitalized for weeks. As I lay there nearly immobilized in fear and hopelessness, I clung to the thought of my group of friends who’d soon visit and comfort me.
Sadly, not a single one came.
After that period of resentment and some considerable grudge came a moment of realization—having many friends does not guarantee happiness and contentment—and ever since then, I began to see friendships quite differently. I reflected on my situation, I found it ironic how having many friends made me feel lonely.
Firstly, having a large circle of friends does not mean you’ll get real ones. We’re better off with a small circle of friends because of how challenging it is in the first place to maintain and cultivate friendships. This is why quality counts more than quantity because it’s easy to feel lost in the company of people you’re not genuinely connecting with. So, it’s better to surround yourself with a tight-knit circle of the right friends than to be among a sea of the wrong people.
According to a research study from Psychology and Aging, older adults are more selective than younger adults when it comes to connecting with people on social media. Their smaller social circles have a higher proportion of well-meaning connections. As stated by the researcher, Dr. Wändi Bruine de Bruin, the smaller network of older adults did not make their social satisfaction any less; in fact, they reported better well-being than younger adults.
So, having many friends doesn’t actually make things better or less lonely because what makes friendships count is honesty, depth, sincerity, and mutuality. Achieving those aspects and cultivating them over time become harder when we have a larger network since we also have to keep up with changes and responsibilities in life.
Now, if you’ve ever been through something like I did with my friends, check in with how you’re really feeling about them and try to reflect. And as you do, remember this statement by Bruine de Bruin: “loneliness has less to do with the number of friends you have and more to do with how you feel about your friends.”
