Why It’s Okay To Skip The Holidays
If you were looking for a reason.
The holidays are a time to be surrounded by your loved ones, to unbuckle and unwind from a tiring year — for most people. For others, they’re anxiety-inducing and, at best, a moderately pleasant experience only made so by good food and fake niceties.
I’ve always fallen into the latter group. Growing up, I wish I had an external party tell me that it’s okay to not go home for the holidays.
It would have saved me a plethora of negative feelings that come from being the only one in your circle who supposedly doesn’t love and appreciate their family.
If you’re reading this, I think you know it’s more complicated than that.
But, hopefully after reading this, you’re relieved of your holiday horrors. Because as your independent third party, these are all valid reasons to not sit around with your loved ones and pretend to sing kumbaya.
Differing Priorities
Different people have different priorities. If family is not at the forefront of your mind, rather work, financial stability, or something among the like take precedence, then that plane ticket home might not be the smartest use of time or money.
It can be hard for loved ones to understand where your head is at here. However, if your house is anything like mine, you know you likely aren’t going to make the most of your time in an environment where everyone feels like it’s theirs to take. If setting boundaries around when you are and aren’t accessible has failed in the past, it might be time to disengage with holiday activities for a season. Your loved ones will survive your absence, just try to be gentle with the delivery.
Personal Growth
I, like many of us, am on a continuing journey of self-improvement. This of course involves many aspects but, an important one is shedding the identity of who you once were. Friends from your past, and especially family, often try to portray you in the same light as your previous self— even if that was you years ago and the difference is night and day.
Those who seek to be continuously growing need to be surrounded by others who want to do the same. When you surround yourself with people who are more or less stagnant, they don’t see you for all your hard work, character, and accomplishments. Instead, they see you holding up a mirror. Within that mirror lies a direct reflection of their life’s journey, often revealing a shortfall in their progress.
To compensate, snide remarks are made about that one time 5 years ago when you drank too much and rambled about being a future CIA agent over the toilet — belittling any successes in your life that they previously inquired about.
We all shed old friends as we grow and often make family the exception, but the holidays can be a good indicator as to whether we should keep making family the exception. If they do not embrace the work you’ve put into growing and instead belittle you for pursuing your passions (probably because they gave up on theirs) — it’s okay to continue to grow without them.
Establishing New Traditions
Having the holidays with different people, in a different location, or not at all, can be enriching and is something that should be welcomed. Establishing new traditions is an important part of starting a new chapter in life. While there may be guilt in shedding our old rituals with loved ones, incorporating family back into your life at different times of the year can be helpful to keep relationships strong and not bring the typical baggage that comes with meshing so many personalities together in the holiday season.
Self-Care
The last grounds that make skipping family time okay are — If you want to. Whatever your rationale for not attending, your feelings are legitimate and valid. They are more than enough of a justifiable reason to skip the holidays with whoever and whatever may be involved. If your family demands an explanation, just inform them you’re in a self-care season.
The dynamics between family members vastly differentiate from family to family. It’s unreasonable to assume we will all be spending the holidays together. So don’t let the pressure from your family, or assumed expectations from the outside world guilt you into spending your time on anything other than how you deem fit.
Hi, I’m Rachel. I’m a senior in college who loves to learn and continuously practice living healthier and happier. I write through the lens of adversity that comes from following this lifestyle. Give me a follow to go through this journey together. ↓ ↓ ↓
