Guy from Buffalo visits Diani Beach

Guy from Buffalo gets his feet wet in the Indian Ocean. Is surprised by the lack of dead fish.

Guy from Buffalo here reporting in from Diani Beach.

Don’t know where it is? That’s okay. Neither did I.

It’s on the Eastern Coast of Africa. See, six months ago my partner told me to pack up all my Bills hats because we were moving to Kenya. So here I am.

“Want to go to Diani Beach?” she asked me one day. She’s in grad school for International Relations and the university takes trips all over the country.

I like Sunset Bay as much as the next guy, so I figured, “Yeah, let’s get it.” As I carefully folded my Jack Eichel jersey daydreams of floating beer pong tables, gravely shores, and bright blue Fish Bowls danced in my head.

Was I in for a surprise.

Almost looks like a Buffalo, am I right?

Let’s start at the buffet.

The range of Swahili and Indian food was good, but a major mistake made by the establishment we stayed at was their penchant for Tabasco. When I asked for Franks’ Hot Sauce I was met with a blank stare.

Guys, Franks’ is universal. I thought maybe they’d just run down to Wegmans and pick me up some, but apparently, there isn’t one nearby.

The Kenyan sausage was also good, but the lack of Sahlen’s hotdogs left something to be desired.

Food Rating: 2/5 Chicken Wings

They, too, enjoy a good volleyball net

Entertainment. Well, well, well. Another area they could use some help.

Apparently, you’re supposed to wander the beaches and take in the beauty of the Indian Ocean.

With no churning boat motors, no sound system blasting those early 2000’s hip-hop jams, and no one to talk to about Josh Allen’s latest heroics, how was I supposed to get in the party spirit?

They did have a volleyball net, though.

Entertainment rating: 1/5 Chicken Wings

My lord, that’s pretty, isn’t it?

Accommodations. Now here’s where these guys get it.

I love my Sunset shacks. The 70’s nautical decor, the weathered wooden porches, the burned-out fire pits. It just feels like summer.

However, these villas had all the seashells plastered to wooden planks you could ask for and still took it up a notch. Air-conditioned rooms, a one-minute walk from the beach to the pool, and enormous dining room tables so you could play flip cup with all your bros and their lady friends.

Accommodations rating: 5/5 Chicken Wings

Overall:

While I couldn’t get a Fish Bowl or get in the party mood by listening to In Da Club like I did in high school, it was still cool. Not Sunset Bay on the 4th of July cool, but cool.

Overall Rating: 3/5 Chicken Wings