How to Become the Next John Key

After eight years as the Prime Minister of New Zealand and ten years as the leader of New Zealand’s National Party, John Key has resigned from his terms of office due to spending less time with his family.

All in all, John Key has had a great reputation in his term as New Zealand’s 38th Prime Minister. Therefore, New Zealands’ citizens are now waiting for a comparable successor. We are talking about people like Winston Peters, leader of the “New Zealand First” Party, and Bill English, the Deputy Prime Minister and Minister of Finance of New Zealand.

But what characteristics and attitudes should the new chief of the Kiwi nation have? Can a successful leader like John Key be easily replaced by someone else?

The best solution would be that nobody should be able to notice a difference. In reality, they don’t need a “new” Prime Minister, they just need a “similar” old one. What should Peters and English consider before planning to run for the next Prime Minister? What kind of charcteristics do they need to become simular to John Key. The following things should be considered:

• ponytails of innocent female dwellers should be pulled at least 10 times during your first term (whenever possible, in front of general public or rather the press).
• improve your “derp face” expressions by turning your eyes in different directions and stupidly smiling in front of a mirror before a camera tries to capture a picture of you for the public eye.
• you are pursuing a career as a model? No? Great! Please do not hesitate with a ludicrous performance on the catwalk.
• improve your homophobic language especially according to bright clothing.
• you want to waste taxpayers’ money? Then you should consider changing the national flag or developing expensive tsunami alerting systems
• if you want to boost your votes during the election days, try to kiss a baby on his forehead, but instead of fulfilling your action, let the baby do something awkward with your face.
• last but not least, you should forget “your” knowledge about grammar especially, if “you’re” planning a debate in a students’ classroom.

As you can see, it’s not easy to be the next John Key. However, If you want to rule a whole nation for at least 3 terms, you should bear in mind the things above.