School bullying- Verbal abuse causes and solutions

What behavior is considered bullying?

Bullying is defined by the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) as any unwanted aggressive behavior(s) by another youth or group of youths who are not siblings or current dating partners, that involves an observed or perceived power imbalance, and is repeated multiple times or is highly likely to be repeated. Bullying can cause physical, psychological, social, or educational harm to the adolescents who are being bullied.

Bullying can take many forms, including:

• Hitting, kicking, and tripping are regarded as physical bullying.
• Name-calling and taunting are examples of verbal abuse.
• Spreading gossip and being excluded from a group are examples of relational/social behavior.
• Property damage to the victim

In this post, I will only focus on analyzing the causes of the second and third types of bullying, i.e. verbal abuse or spreading false rumors. [1]

Some facts about school bullying

• Male students are more likely than female students to be physically bullied (6% vs 4%), whereas female students are more likely than male students to be the subject of rumors (18% vs 9%) and to be purposefully removed from activities (7% vs 4%) [2]
• 13% of bullied children were made fun of, called names, or insulted; 13 percent were the subject of gossip; 5 percent were pushed, shoved, tripped, or spit on; and 5 percent were purposefully removed from activities. [2]
• Bullying is reported by a somewhat larger percentage of female pupils than male pupils (24% vs 7%) [2]
• Physical appearance, race/ethnicity, gender, handicap, religion, and sexual orientation are the most common reasons 12–18-year-old students report being bullied.[2]

Along with the development of information technology and the digital age, bullying also takes place on the Internet, on forums, social networking sites, and other technology platforms, which is called cyberbullying.

• One in every five (9 to 12-year-old) tweens has been cyberbullied, has cyberbullied others or has seen cyberbullying. [3]
• Nearly 50% of tweens (9 to 12 years old) stated they had been bullied at school, while 14.5 percent of tweens indicated they had been bullied online. [3]
• 15% of children aged 12 to 18 who reported being bullied at school were tormented online or through text [2]
• Middle school kids report the most instances of cyberbullying, followed by high school students, and finally elementary school children. [4]
• When students were asked what sorts of cyberbullying they have encountered, the most prevalent responses were rude and cruel remarks (25%) and misinformation circulated online (22%). [5]

All of the above statistics have shown that, now, when almost everywhere in the world is at peace, there are no more wars and there are not so many financial difficulties as before, then children, future generations, are very easily bullied, vulnerable to psychological damage. Statistics also show that victims of baseless rumors and verbal abuse account for the most.

That leaves us unable to question why. Why at such a young age and with such an innocent mind do children behave badly towards each other?

Causes of school bullying

As statistics show [2], school bullying often occurs because of:

• Physical condition disparity (For example, students with good or normal or better physical conditions bully students with a poor physical condition or disability).
• Differences in skin color, race
• Sexual orientation (many bullying cases recorded are between students vs LGBT students)

But all of the above is due to certain differences in the victim. What about the person who bullies others? There are also many reasons why a person might bully others:

• The impact of the environment: Research by Menesini and Salmivalli (2017) [6] has demonstrated this when compared to their peers who have not been exposed to the same surroundings, kids from neighborhoods prone to gang violence and other types of street aggressiveness are more likely to participate in bullying. In addition, children are exposed to a lot of images and content of a violent and toxic nature and for a long time, such content can adversely affect the development and form of children’s thinking, making them more irritable, mean, and may develop an intention to bully others, according to Jan and Husain (2015) [7].
• Parents’ upbringing and education: Children need love and attention from adults. They need to feel cared for. When a child feels neglected it leads to aggression, including bullying. This aggression becomes a game in which the child tries to get attention from the parents and they are doing it the wrong way.
• School environment and education at school: In many schools, but specifically most schools in Asia, the education system is heavily theoretical, impractical, and quite restrictive. At the same time, at present, many schools still do not uphold the law on school violence and have not taught students how to defend themselves and be confident in themselves. [8]
• Their own personality: Some children are born more aggressive and want to show a stronger personality than other children.

On the other hand, statistics show that girls often abuse each other verbally, by spreading false rumors or making hateful comments on each other’s internet. And according to my observation and research, there are girlfriends whose family financial conditions are not too different, who attend the same school, and the same class, but still hate each other and talk bad about each other behind their backs. And the gossip of girls is often very cynical, very mean, and even worse, sometimes even more terrible than the violence between boys. Because it leaves long-lasting psychological consequences for the abuser. With that, I want this article, to dig deeper into why girls hate girls so much.

Causes of Verbal Bullying: Why do girls hate girls terribly?

• Girls are “taught” to compete with each other from a very young age:

I’m a girl, and I grew up in a family of 4 nieces the same age, so I’m extremely understanding. Girls grow up with everyday comparisons between themselves and their sisters, nieces, classmates, and neighbors, along with all sorts of other examples of “next-door kids” who are also girls. Not only parents, grandparents, and relatives in the family but even teachers often compare same-sex students with each other, especially girls with girls.

This way of educating makes girls form a habit in their heads of always comparing and competing with other girls, feeling that they can only become better if they put other girls down. At any time, all actions that put others down or create an image for themselves are a manifestation of a lack of confidence in themselves and a constant worry about what others think about themselves of the teenage girls.

• Communication and social network continuously make girls compare with each other

Along with the wrong education from an early age is the constant comparison of the media and social networks aimed at girls, making girls always feel that the fact of competing and teasing each other deserves to be praised and put in the press. Every time there is an event involving two girls, the media must at all costs put the two of them against each other. For example, in awards ceremonies and Cannes film festivals, the media often puts actors and celebrities on the scale to see who wears the best, and who has the best body… Or, we also know that Justin Bieber and Hailey Baldwin have been engaged for a long time, but every time Hailey or Selena has an event, the media compares the two girls to each other.

• Girls’ natural feelings

No matter how much external factors have an impact, we cannot deny that comparison, jealousy, and envy are very natural and normal emotions of humans, not only girls. However, it is more difficult for girls to control their jealousy than anyone else because of social pressure, the comparison habits of those around them, and the way the media and social networks “force” girls to confront each other daily.

Those are the reasons that I observe and learn from reality and be close to myself. Currently, when education is increasingly improved and enhanced, while violence with kicks or punches has shown signs of decreasing, verbal and mental violence is emerging, and most of it occurs between female students. So what can we do to prevent school violence? As well how do girls understand each other and stop hating each other?

School bullying prevention

Provide full education from an early age

Education from birth is really important in shaping a person’s thinking and character. To be honest, we, who have been nurtured wholeheartedly and fully educated know that differences in skin color, sexual orientation, physical condition, and appearance… are all unreasonable reasons for school violence. Because these hatreds and hatreds about those differences are all due to short-sighted thinking, thinking that always thinks that we are better than others, and is the result of lack of education or wrong education. For young children, education must be harmonious coordination between the whole family and the school.

• Familial education: Children need to be cared for and taught by their parents. Children should not be made to feel neglected. At the same time, parents should also teach their children to give love and care to each other. Parents should also use an authoritative parenting style, nurture a positive family climate and cultivate relationships with school personnel and other parents.

These things require parents to really have time and care for their children. And so, parents in rural areas who are struggling to feed their families may not be able to afford financially and in terms of time to properly raise their children. Therefore, it is really necessary for the authorities in the city, to have reasonable policies, to facilitate parents raising their children properly. (for example, provide financial support or have policies to boost the economy)

• Schooling: Family is the foundation to build a person’s personality, then school is the place to cultivate and nurture that person. Schools should stop teaching by comparing students to each other, and focus more on developing each child’s strengths, interpersonal skills, and defensive skills. Along with teaching, schools should also open extracurricular activities, and gifted classes. In addition, it is also necessary to build a school violence prevention system, clear reward and punishment laws on school violence, and strictly abide by them. Some schools can’t afford to do it, so go ask for support from those who can (like the government, like benefactors…) Teachers also need to take care of their students.

Raising awareness about school bullying

This is really important. Numbers can help us a lot. We, the young generations, instead of using social networks to read/write malicious comments, can launch campaigns and activities against school violence. We can also propagate about the harmful effects of school violence and its signs by using the media and social networks.

Spread the word, the message of love and against school violence by reviewing books, and sharing good music, blogs, and podcasts.

Talk and share

For children who are naturally irritable, and whose personality has deviated from other children, we need understanding and sympathy. First, we can talk, to find out why they act the way they do. Talking, and empathizing are how we make friends, share, and make those children control their emotions more. With that, we can encourage them, and suggest other healthy hobbies to help them gradually understand what is wrong and help them to improve, and develop themselves.

How how do girls understand and stop hating each other?

For girls, there are also ways for girls to love each other more, not to spread false rumors about each other or disparage each other on social networks:

• Always remind yourself of the law of cause and effect: Indiscriminate jokes, times spreading inaccurate information, occasions gossip behind other people’s back always have unpredictable consequences later — not only for the person who bears the rumor but also for yourself.
• Refrain from participating in gossip. In the girl’s world, sometimes, occasions when talking bad about each other is how girls “build relationships”, “closer”, and “befriend” each other, so the attraction of conversations like that’s very big. But it is a fact that this little joy comes from torturing another girl and bringing “karma” to her. Is it worth it?
• Choose a few people you can trust to share your personal stories. Humans, especially girls, always need to share. But sometimes, because we share at the wrong time, with the right person, it leads to complicated problems for ourselves, causing us to lose faith in others. Therefore, choose for yourself a few people who can be completely trusted, know how to keep secrets and understand stories to share your sorrows and joys, your secret confidants. Once you have found a good friend, hold him/her tightly with sincere affection, absolutely do not reveal his/her private affairs, and do not speak ill of him/her behind his/her back.
• Sympathy and forgiveness for “mean girls”. This is a very difficult thing to do. But there is a very good saying that goes like this: “No one tries to hurt others but is happy” — which means that people who are mean to others, their own deeds come from unhappiness, lack of confidence in themselves, or the unhappy family situation, their starting point. Therefore, if there is a girl or woman who treats you badly, first sympathize with their situation. If these people are family members you just can’t get rid of, be open to forgiving them and try to limit your involvement in things that hurt them and you. If these people are social friends, from relationships that don’t really make sense, bravely get out of their lives and let them out of yours.
• Choose wisely information on media and social networks. Although the media and social media are constantly promoting comparative ideas to girls, we don’t have to absorb all the information. If you read these kinds of baseless headlines, girl versus girl, negative comparisons, stop buying tabloids like that, avoid clicking on such links, and don’t share. , spreading more false information to try to promote this trend. If there are people on your social network (whether intentionally or unintentionally) who make you feel negative, constantly comparing yourself to others, take the initiative to stop following them. On the other hand, comparing and envy are human nature, don’t be ashamed to take action to protect yourself from the negative part of yourself.
• Let’s spread positive messages: Finally, we share meaningful lessons, and good messages about life, love, and people to spread more positive life energy. We can do it within our capability, whoever likes to write can blog, whoever likes to film, take photos, and is good at talking can shoot YouTube, TikTok, Instagram… anyone with a good voice can record podcasts,… each person has their own ways to contribute to society, to a healthier community. So take action now!

References:

[1] Violence Prevention, Centers for Disease Control and Prevention. https://www.cdc.gov/violenceprevention/youthviolence/bullyingresearch/fastfact.html

[2] National Center for Educational Statistics. (2019). Student reports of bullying: Results from the 2017 School Crime Supplement to the National Victimization Survey. US Department of Education. https://nces.ed.gov/pubs2019/2019054.pdf

[3] Patchin, J. W., & Hinduja, S. (2019). 2019 Cyberbullying Data. Cyberbullying Research Center https://i.cartoonnetwork.com/stop-bullying/pdfs/CN_Stop_Bullying_Cyber_Bullying_Report_9.30.20.pdf

[4] Centers for Disease Control, National Center for Injury Prevention and Control (2019). Preventing bullying https://www.cdc.gov/violenceprevention/pdf/yv/bullying-factsheet508.pdf

[5] Patchin, J. W., & Hinduja, S. (2019). 2019 Cyberbullying Data. Cyberbullying Research Center https://cyberbullying.org/2019-cyberbullying-data

[6] Menesini, E., & Salmivalli, C. (2017). Bullying in schools: The state of knowledge and effective interventions. Psychology, Health & Medicine

[7] Jan, A., & Husain, S. (2015). Bullying in elementary schools: Its causes and effects on Students. Journal of Education and Practice

[8] Evans, C. B. R., & Smokowski, P. R. (2016). Theoretical explanations for bullying in school: How ecological processes propagate perpetration and victimization. Child and Adolescent Social Work Journal