Unconditional Love: Is There Any Such Thing?

@Cezjah (Cecil (CJ) John)
New Intellectual
Published in
4 min readOct 1, 2023

To truly understand unconditional love, we must first define love itself. In this context, I view love as an intense emotion, a deep-seated value we place on someone or something.

Next, it’s crucial to differentiate between the emotion (love) and the relationship that stems from it. For instance, while a parent’s relationship with their child may be conditional based on various factors, the emotion — the love they feel for that child — might remain unchanged.

Have you ever experienced a love so profound that regardless of how much someone changes — whether materially or behaviorally — your emotions remain steadfast? Even if the relationship dissolves, the cherished memory of who that person once was endures.

Of course, this isn’t a universal sentiment; love is subjective, and everyone experiences and expresses it differently. What I aim to convey is that there are individuals capable of loving unconditionally, even if the relationship itself has conditions.

Now, let’s delve into the concept of value. There’s objective utility, often linked to tangible benefits, and then there’s subjective emotion, which in this scenario pertains to ‘love’. Relationships, whether social or professional, are fundamentally transactional. But, by ‘transactional’, I don’t necessarily imply a formal contract or agreement. By transactional, I simply mean the interaction and exchange of value (utility). For example, the bond between a parent and their newborn is transactional: the parent voluntarily provides care based on a deep-seated motivation. Similarly, friendships can be transactional, built on mutual motivation and free from any sense of obligation.

In transactional relationships like those between traders, the exchange of value is obligatory and often governed by clear terms, such as a contract or agreement. Each party provides something with the explicit expectation of receiving something in return. The interaction is structured, and the exchange is based on fulfilling specific terms — whether it’s goods, services, or money. The focus is on the utility and benefits exchanged.

By contrast, in friendship or love-based relationships, the exchange of value is voluntary and mutual. While value is still exchanged — such as emotional support, care, or time — the motivation comes from a desire to maintain the bond rather than an obligation to return something of equal value. There is no formal expectation of reciprocity; instead, the exchange is driven by a shared sense of goodwill, affection, or deeper emotional connection.

As Saint Paul writes in 1 Corinthians 13:5, “Love is not self-seeking.” This suggests that true love, especially unconditional love, transcends self-interest in the sense that it isn’t driven by transactional gain or what we can get in return. However, love can still be self-interested in another way — because the object of affection holds inherent value to the person giving love. In this sense, love persists because of the deep value placed on the other, making it both selfless and rooted in personal significance.

Given this framework, I define unconditional love as an emotion that endures regardless of any tangible exchange of material value. The love is considered unconditional because its continuation does not depend on receiving something in return. It goes beyond transactional relationships — whether in partnerships like business deals or marriages, or in hierarchical roles like employer-employee or parent-child — and is similar to pure friendships.

That said, in an absolute sense, true unconditional love may not exist, because even in these cases, the object of affection must hold some inherent value. However, we can describe unconditional love as love that isn’t contingent on the exchange of material or practical value.

In conclusion, this isn’t about presenting a binary choice. One can simultaneously be a partner, a friend, or a mentor. In fact, friendships often flourish when there’s a mutual understanding and recognition of these subtle exchanges.

I explore this topic in greater detail in my forthcoming book: The Love Uncertainty Principle — The Uneasy Exchange of Love and Money.

The Love Uncertainty Principle

About Cecil (CJ) John

Cecil (CJ) John, also known as Cezjah, brings a unique blend of expertise and creativity to the literary world. His passion for philosophy, psychology, and affective neuroscience resonates deeply with the themes explored in “The God Father.” Cezjah’s diverse interests also include composing music, teaching martial arts as a black belt instructor, and engaging audiences with his stand-up comedy. This eclectic mix of interests and expertise infuses his writing with a unique perspective, challenging readers to explore complex ideas and themes in his work.

A chartered architect accredited by the Royal Institute of British Architects, Cezjah’s academic journey also led him to the realms of computer science. His innovative spirit is evident in his role as the Chief Executive Officer of VirtualDeveloper, LLC, a U.S.-based technology firm. Under his leadership, the company has provided cutting-edge services to prestigious clients including the U.S. federal government, Ernst & Young, Accenture, and the International Monetary Fund.

Cezjah’s pioneering work extends to the invention of the world’s first blockchain-enabled digital workplace, a groundbreaking achievement that garnered recognition from Microsoft in 2019. Beyond his professional pursuits, he is dedicated to philanthropy, evidenced by his founding of the John Trust, a 501(c)(3) foundation.

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New Intellectual
New Intellectual

Published in New Intellectual

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@Cezjah (Cecil (CJ) John)
@Cezjah (Cecil (CJ) John)

Written by @Cezjah (Cecil (CJ) John)

Architect | Computer Scientist | Mentor | Entrepreneur | Author > FinTech, Philosophy, Psychology, Affective Neuroscience, Fiction

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