Things I’d Rather Do Than Vote This Year

A look at more enjoyable and useful activities than wasting my time

Photo by Element5 Digital on Unsplash

I thought about this long and hard. Neither US Presidential candidate comes anywhere close to aligning with my beliefs and I’m tired of being told that I have to choose one or the other.

The lesser of two evils? How about not giving me two evil people to select from in the first place?

I will preface this by saying that I voted for Biden in 2020. I see that Trump is a clear and present danger and he’s way too incompetent to run this country. He’s a lying blowhard and an accused criminal to boot. Biden has also been a bit disappointing to me.

In addition, Biden is just way too old and out of step with the progressives in the party for me to even want to support. I supported Bernie in 2016 and 2020 but at this point, I wouldn’t even support Bernie if he decided all of a sudden to throw his hat in the ring too. He’s older than Biden and age is a factor for my vote this year.

And no, I won’t go voting for that nut job, Robert F. Kennedy, Jr. His own family won’t even touch him and that says a lot about his character and his politics. I’m not comfortable voting for a conspiracy theorist or a mentally unstable person. Not even the Kennedy name could get me to do it. So what do I want to do instead?

I had to think long and hard about things I’d rather do than vote this year. It was tough but I narrowed it down to five things that feel like things that are much more enjoyable.

1. Play Russian Roulette with Vladimir Putin: Sure, he might try to rig the game and I’d be dead but that’s a chance I’m willing to take. I’m a disenfranchised millennial and left-leaning minority and I don’t feel represented in my own country. At least if I go to the President of Russia, I know he’s shitty and that I might die meeting him as an American. Plus, Russia. Russian Roulette. That’s where the name comes from. Maybe he’ll just end up riding on one of his horses with me shirtless through the Russian forest. That’s way more fun than voting.
2. Swim with the Sharks: Ooh, this sounds fun. I like swimming. Sharks are just fish with large, sharp teeth. Maybe I can poke them and play around with them like I did to the dolphins that one time at SeaWorld (also, probably the reason I’m not welcome back at SeaWorld). Maybe I can also bring some fresh, bloody meat for them to eat. This sounds not at all dangerous and so much fun.
3. Eat a Live Octopus: I want to be like Anthony Bourdain and take more chances when I eat. I’m pretty boring with my tastes now as is. I think I need to branch out on what I’ll eat. I’m not into hentai but I could definitely try to eat one. I wonder if I start biting if it’ll be easier to swallow the octopus bit by bit. Still more fun to find out than voting. Plus, if it doesn’t work out, I’ll be fine. What is the worst an octopus could do to me?
4. Hug a Cactus: I absolutely love nature. Every single creation of nature I can think of. Even the pricklier ones. Cacti hold a lot of water and they’re so furry. They look fun. Nothing could go wrong if I wear enough layers. Still less painful than voting for two people I don’t care for at all. Also less dangerous than hugging either Trump or Biden. Trump would try to grab my pussy and Biden would try to sniff me. I’m good.
5. Skydive Without a Parachute: This one would clearly be on accident. But the adventure on this one would be to figure out how to land. That sounds way more fun than voting, doesn’t it? It’s not like the elections are life-and-death scenarios. This would literally be a life-and-death scenario. Can you survive the fall in time while figuring out what to do on the way down? Still preferable to voting. And hell, if you don’t land safely, at least you don’t have to vote.

Well, there you have it, things that are much more enjoyable and preferable to voting. Some of these things are even safer and less divisive than that as well. You may or may not survive some of these but that’s just how it goes, right?

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