The Hidden Costs of Caregiving
We reached out to Paula Span about her caregiving column in the New York Times.
If you’re not already a devoted reader of the New York Times’ bimonthly column “The New Old Age” by Paula Span, now’s the time. (We are big admirers!) Today’s headline in the print edition, “Caregivers Sometimes Must Sacrifice Their Careers” (posted online December 4th) is a particularly vital read — and we’re not the only ones who think so.
The Comments are at 268 and counting — and they’re passionate, thoughtful, heartbreaking, fueled by both hope and despair. Here are a few excerpts:
“I did the ‘right’ thing for eleven years without any pat on the back or money in my pocket, because people needed to be taken care of as they died or, in my son’s case, as he acquired skills to live. I’m now in my mid 50s, getting a divorce, employed at below starvation level wages as an adjunct professor.”
“While caregiving broke me financially, I would do it again for my partner without a second thought, because in the end, it is an honor to be a Caregiver!”
“I love my parents, but both my sibling and I have resolved that we will not torture our family like this when we age. We say that now, but I’m not sure we’ll feel the same way when we are older. This has been awful and the kicker is that at the end of it all, there’s grief but not real relief.”
Extremely informative and well researched, Span’s column reviews the current options (state and federal) that caregivers have to take time off from work to be a caregiver — without losing their jobs. Span shines a flood light on the personal cost, especially to women, of caring for an older loved one as well as the desperate need in this country for better policy to support family caregivers. (And, by the way, the need for more discussion among family members and, in many cases, less denial.)
We reached out to Paula Span with some overdue fan mail, but also with a question. Why is this column generating so much discussion, so much heat?
She responded:
“Reader comments are always the most interesting part of The New Old Age column, in my opinion. My 1200 words are just the springboard for the conversation that follows. (And it is a conversation, not the free-fire zone that comments sections sometimes become, because the Times moderates comments and someone must read and approve every single one we post.)
This time, we really got some insight into the great sacrifices caregivers make and the accompanying emotions: pride, frustration, satisfaction, anger, sorrow. They work so hard yet feel unappreciated, invisible and alone with their struggles. Many of us know this, but it’s still wrenching to read.”
Beautifully put.
Come for the column. Stay for the Comments.
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