Vatican Might Sue The Onion on God’s Behalf
The Heavenly Father Wants to Chop It Up
The Vatican is said to be considering a libel suit against The Onion, the American satirical publication, over its story about the fall of God’s air-conditioning unit from his apartment in Heaven.
In the story, published on June 7, the Onion reported that millions of people were found dead after the air conditioner landed on Earth. It quoted God as confirming the incident: “Oh fuck, I don’t know what happened — one minute I’m trying to prop up the AC, and the next it’s hurdling towards earth.” The Onion reports that the a-c unit was in a window on God’s third-floor apartment, which is about 300 light-years above Earth.
The Vatican has denied that it was God’s air conditioning unit that caused the deaths on Earth, which it attributes to an earthquake in California and a fire in Chicago, where the Onion is headquartered.
Vatican insiders say the church is filing the lawsuit at the request of God, who was outraged when he saw the story. The Vatican is said to be facing a challenge because the Onion recorded its conversation with the Heavenly Father. Also, given God’s status as a public figure, a judge is likely to apply First Amendment freedom of speech protections that restrict a public official’s ability to sue for defamation.
In New York Times Co. v. Sullivan (1964), the Court ruled that if a plaintiff is a public official or candidate for office, he or she must prove that the defendant made a defamatory statement knowing it was false or ignoring evidence that it might be. The Vatican also is likely to find it difficult to prove that God suffered financial or emotional damages because of the story.
