Last Byzantine Soldier Discovered and Apprehended in Istanbul

Authorities in Istanbul have apprehended the last remaining Byzantine soldier after several centuries

ISTANBUL — In a surprising turn of events, authorities in Istanbul have apprehended the last remaining Byzantine soldier, who was seemingly unaware that the war between the Ottoman and Byzantine Empires had concluded centuries ago.

For centuries, local residents in the Aksaray district had reported sightings of a peculiarly dressed individual engaging in what seemed to be an ancient form of combat training near the city’s historic walls. Turkish authorities investigated the matter and were astonished to find a man claiming to be a direct descendant of a lineage of soldiers who believed the conflict was still ongoing some 500 years after Ottoman Sultan Mehmed II was believed to have conquered the city.

The arrested individual, who goes by the name Basilos Constantinopoulos, expressed genuine shock upon learning that the Ottoman Empire had triumphed over the Byzantine Empire centuries ago. Constantinopoulos, much like the infamous Hiroo Onoda in World War II, had been living in seclusion, continuing his ancestor’s commitment to defending the Byzantine Empire against its long-gone adversaries.

Local authorities described the discovery as a mix of historical fascination and incredulity, as Constantinopoulos had meticulously maintained his ancestral armour and weaponry, seemingly oblivious to the evolution of warfare over the centuries. When asked how he and his predescessors had survived for so long undetected, he said that they primarily travelled at night and made extensive use of the network of tunnels beneath the old city districts of what is now called Sultanahmet and Galata. Constantinopoulos revealed that for most of his life he had subsisted on common discarded street foods like tripe soup and “moist hamburgers,” both of which he asserted had actually been traditional food of the imperial family.

In an exclusive interview with Anadolu Agency, Constantinopoulos explained, “I was taught from a young age that our duty was to protect the empire and the Palaeologian bloodline. I had no reason to question the validity of our mission. It’s quite a shock to learn that my forefathers were not only defeated but that the world has changed so much since then.” Despite his extreme isolation and that of his forebearers, Constantinopoulos was found in possession of a communication device that archaeologists have cautiously identified as an Apple iPhone 7.

Living proof of remaining resistance from the city’s former Byzantine regime has called into question whether 15th-century Ottoman Sultan Mehmed II should be credited as having successfully conquered the city formerly known as Constantinople. If confirmed to have overseen the apprehension of the very last of the Byzantine resistance, academics at several leading for-profit private universities have come out to say that current president Recep Tayyip Erdogan would have a claim to be the true conqueror of the city. Supporters of the popular politician have already begun to refer to him as Fatih Cumhurbaşkan Erdoğan on social media and Ekşi Sözlük, the Turkish equivalent of Wikipedia.

The Turkish government is now working to integrate Constantinopoulos into modern society, providing him with history lessons, cultural updates, and support to adjust to his newfound reality. Officials have also invited historians to engage with him, hoping to learn more about the traditions and beliefs that have been preserved in his person.The people of Istanbul are left marvelling at the unexpected historical anomaly within their midst, wondering what other relics of the past might still be hidden in the city’s vibrant streets.