Empowerment as a fertile principle for childrens development.
Empowerment as a fertile principle for childrens development.
When I was 14 or 15, I spent some time in an Ecovillage in Marsilac, a region with a lot of nature, in the countryside of São Paulo. I was interested in bioconstruction and permaculture, so one of the permaculturists there told me a bit about the role of the permaculturist concerning nature.
What stuck with me today from what he said back then is that we humans are process accelerators. We observe how nature works, listen to nature, and constantly discover how its cycles work and empower it in its processes.
If a banana leaf starts to die and dry out, we can prune it to save the plant’s energy so that it can better invest its nutrients.
If an area is deforested, we plant specific trees that grow and die quickly, creating fertile soil for the birth of more durable plants.
We bring together plants that support each other and collaborate with each other’s development. We do not force the plant to be what we want it to be; we do not tell it how it should be or what fruit it should bear. But we do interfere as wisely as possible, only concerning the fertile environment in which the plant can grow.
The Children’s Space Holder does not interfere with the child’s Autonomy. But based on the child’s choices, they try to offer the most fertile space possible for them because the Space Holder is acting there as a human permaculturist for the seed that the child is.
They do everything they can to make that child flourish at their best, not the best they want for the children: THE CHILDREN’S BEST. You will not be able to hold Safe Spaces for children if you can not get your expectations out of the way.
Just like a permaculturist, your first action is not to act. It is to listen. It is not proposing but listening. A proposal is something that is born after listening. A Spaceholder’s proposal to a child is an invitation to explore what the child already wants to explore in a way that the child has not seen before, and this invitation can be denied.
Today, even though I am still young, I am very independent. I have been paying my bills, dealing with my feelings, doing projects, and living my destiny for years. It was not always like this. If today I am a source of resources and a certain level of wisdom for myself and others, I had to learn to become a fountain and to dig until I found water.
Teaching is being a fountain for the child.
Empowerment means inviting them to become a fountain, too.
Learn to listen when the child needs water and needs to find water.
Nature is abundant, but the modern human being is scarce. He hasn’t learned to be a fountain. He relates to nature as a consumer, not as a permaculturist.
The permaculturist also consumes what he plants, but he takes responsibility for propagating the life of what he consumes. They seek to be a source rather than a consumer. If we want to evolve as human beings, it’s time to support each other in becoming sources and to empower children so that they can all be sources of what they have to bring and BE in the world.
My mother has always empowered me from a very young age. And I imagine that for any parent whose child wants to be an inventor, writer, doctor, lecturer, or any other “coveted” profession, it must be much easier to empower the child’s choices, like: “Of course, son! I will help you become what I want you to become.”
But it was not such an easy job for my mother. As soon as I understood what a “job” was, I made up my mind — “I want to be a detective, Mom” — and it was not something that wore off quickly. For many years, I believed that my future was to be an exceptional detective. The first books I read were about detectives, and all the extracurricular activities I did were based on this: Parkour, Martial Arts, and Programming. I even took a professional course in lie detection.
In fact, my whole movement to become an entrepreneur and a speaker from 14 to 16 began with my foolproof plan to become Batman: “I am going to be an entrepreneur so that no one will suspect that I am a detective.”
Among my “fantasies” of being a detective, many other small possibilities also opened up, but none were very comfortable for a mother. I have wanted to be a mercenary, a spy, a store owner, and a gas delivery man. I used to fantasize that I could jump out of a moving truck, drop off the gas, and run back to get into it in a cinematic and amusing way. Imagine, the most peaceful options I considered in my childhood were being a masseur, a coach, a YouTuber, an actor, and a magician.
It never mattered what I tried; my mother always empowered me. She did not do things for me but created spaces where I could build my path.
I see a lot of parents who give their children everything they want, thinking they are empowering them. The son shows the slightest interest in music, and “BOOM”, he has a new guitar at home. The daughter wants to dance ballet and “BOOM” impeccable ballet clothes and enrollment in the best gym in the area. The child wants to paint and “BOOM” ultra color plus a max 3000 pencils from Faber Castell so they can become a renowned artist.
Those parents have not yet understood that childhood is not the time when a child necessarily chooses what they will do. Childhood is a period to develop into a Human Being capable of doing what they will do. The process of conquering alone and walking in your footsteps is essential for you to develop.
Even though my activities today have very little to do with all those professions I have aspired to, courses I have taken, and research I have invested in, I have developed priceless skills in the process of going after what I want.
My childhood was not when I learned the intellectual content that is most useful to me today. The phase in which I did that was in my youth, from the age of 18.
My childhood was the time when I learned how to learn. What mattered most was not what I learned. It was the fact that I learned to learn on my own.
The most important thing about the bazaar I opened when I was 12 was not the money I made or how pretty the store was. It was not even that I “had a bazaar” when I was 12. The most important thing was the experience I had with frustrations, with ideas, with putting ideas into practice, with the lessons I learned about society, and so on.
Empowering a child to do whatever they want to do is empowering a child to make it happen. To create what they want. If what they want is not the best for them, they will find out in the process. From there, they can also learn to make better choices. There is no mistake in letting the child live. The way to cross the path is by walking. And you can only walk by walking.
I am not suggesting that you “let go” of your child and let them harm themselves. I am just suggesting that you do not save them from the experience of living.
With practice, you will discover a new way of loving. A new way of being present with your child, even without giving them the answers.
I learned a lot from my mother about this, and I still do.
A few days ago, it was Mother’s Day, and she came to visit me here in Cavalcante at a project for children where I was Co-Holding Space. On “Happy Saturday”, some children told my mother about how much better Alto Paraíso, the tourist town next to Cavalcante, is. My mother asked them why they thought that, and they said it was because, for example, it had more trees. My mother then asked: “What could we do then?”
One of the boys said: “We can plant them here at Casa Abraço!”
My mother said: “YES! That’s a great idea! How about you propose it to Elisia now?” The boy ran to Aunt Elisia and said: “Auntie, I have a proposal for us to plant more trees and make a vegetable garden here, and you know, we could take advantage of it and make a goal for the soccer field too.” Auntie said we did not have the tools yet and would need to buy soil. My mother moved quickly: “Let’s get those tools ready for next Saturday!”
The boy was amazed and said with his eyes shining: “I never thought I could come up with this kind of idea.” At that moment, he discovered that he could create what he wanted, change what bothered him, and take responsibility for the things that matter to him.
My mother bought a shovel and a handhoe before leaving. I went out to buy some pipes to build a goal. Next Saturday, this boy would have the basics to start a team to turn his ideas into reality. Empowerment is a beautiful thing.
Just yesterday, I was talking to my mother about empowerment. I realized I wanted to give the children things ready-made, to set up the Goal and give it to them next Saturday. I wanted to start the vegetable garden today. I wanted to give him my gifts. And that is the shadow of the hero. That is me wanting to be “the one who provides the solution”, to feel “important” and “necessary”.
A Space Holder is not worried about credits. They do not let their wounds, unconscious fears, and insecurities interfere with the children’s space. They are focused on their process.
I discovered in the space my mother held for me that having the garden ready is not the most important thing. Building the garden together will be the real gold of the experience.
That is the second time I have discovered it this month. The first time was when I wanted to build a website for Casa Abraço, and I was 100% focused on having the site ready as soon as possible. So, I talked to Elisia, and in the Space, she held for me, I discovered that the greatest gold for the project would not be to have the site ready but to find out the children wanted to be part of the team to create it!
That turned the website creation from a dull process into an extraordinary process, with a beautiful result that was worth the effort.
If your child wants a playground, let them build one!
You can give them the materials they need to get started. And if they do it, you can offer the materials they need for the next step. Or you could even encourage them to go and meet the owner of the new building materials store in town and ask if they could provide some materials for the playground in exchange for having the brand there as a sponsor of children’s entertainment in the neighborhood. I propose you to support your child in developing their independence. That way, even if they make many mistakes, they can learn from them much sooner.
Many parents control their children out of fear that they will make “bad decisions”. It creates adults who are incompetent at making any decisions. Now, if you let children make too many mistakes, what provides them is not a childhood of mistakes but one of experiences.
Mistakes made in a Safe Space do not lead to more mistakes. Instead, they lead to success.
Mistakes made in a punishment space lead to more mistakes. Without the space to learn from their mistakes, the child is forced to recreate the same problems, over and over, until they have a chance to learn from them. It is the principle of evolution at work in the human consciousness.
My proposal here is not: “Mistakes lead to more successes.” Although, that may also be true.
My proposal is: “Mistakes made in a Safe Learning Space lead to plenty more successes.”
Total freedom without the Adult Space Holder’s presence does lead to learning. But it takes a long time... Everything in life leads to learning; Evolution is a relentless force constantly at work in human consciousness. However, if you have an Extraordinary Adult Holding Space for that BEING, then it flourishes much more, learns much more, and grows much more.
Just like the permaculturist and the little plants, throw some seeds in the ground, and some will eventually grow. Give these seeds a permaculturist, and they will be able to bring the world much more of their potential.
That’s why my proposals to you come in two stages:
Step 1: Stop educating the child.
Step 2: Support the space where that child can grow.
It is about taking the lead in learning back into the hands of the children themselves. It is about education not being what the Adult thinks is best for the child and starting to be about what the child’s BEING asks of you so they can take their next step.
I do not want you to stand over children and dictate their learning.
I do not propose that you stand by and let them take their course all on their own. That’s a possibility. It is not what the book proposes to you.
I am proposing that you become the Adult capable of holding a living, fertile, safe, fun Space full of possibilities, discoveries, and proposals for empowerment, where children can have the Space and Support they need to build themselves. To create the greatest creation that every human being can create: themselves. In the same way that the Permaculturist is there to enhance the plant’s growth process. Supporting it to become what it already is, to create itself in what was already written in its seed, since before it germinated, incubated, just waiting for a Space to sprout.
Be a source of action, but sure action. Listen before you act, and then act with precision. Discover again and again how you can create a Space of discovery rather than offering a bunch of answers.
It is a journey with a beginning but no end. Enjoy the road.
from the book : Cultivating Geniuses| The Manifesto of a New Education
This book, first written in Portuguese, will soon have an English version. Get ready.
With Love, Israel Kairós.✍️
