Goodbye White Sneakers!

This summer my life started tumbling over. Not, that I can fathom how much, because the process is still going. It is only the beginning, like the first cycle of a washing machine. An inner voice confirms with a slight trembling fear, that my assumption is accurate. All I can do is to give way to the cycles of the washing machine. There is no hint, when the cycles are finished. There is no hint, who I will be, when the cycles have done their work. It is scary, because there is no other option. For other options it is too late.

This summer I picked her up at the train station. I remember the day. It is the first time I pick her up anywhere, because we are just starting to be in each others life. The sky is cloudy and the temperature is in the high sixties. I wear my favourite pants, T-Shirt and sneakers.

She makes a comment later that day about my sneakers. They are white. The colour is what the comment is about. I don’t remember her exact words. The impression her communication left with me was, that something is off about me wearing white sneakers. Her message landed and stirred up tiny, uncomfortable sensations. I chose to go over them with a smile and thought to myself, it is only white sneakers.

Googling „White Sneakers“ brings around 634.000.000 hits in less than half a second! One of the first hits is: „Why is everybody wearing white sneakers?“ This answer goes: „White sneakers stand for purity, innocence and order. For your styling, this means that the clean shoes open up any combination of possibilities for you. Fortunately, you can’t do much wrong with this all-rounder“.

Amazing, that you can do wrong by choosing your shoes. You can make a mistake! Let that sink in! You can make a mistake, by wearing the wrong shoes! The good thing about wearing white sneakers is, that you are so fortunate to not do anything wrong.

How wrong can you be? Modern culture is a lot about being right or wrong. School is about giving the right answers. At work you need to do the things right and avoid mistakes. Eating the right diet will make you lose weight. Using the right facial creme will make you beautiful. Driving the right car will let your personality shine. Fashion is about wearing the right clothes.

Not being wrong is a fascinating force in the modern western culture. It doesn’t start with picking the right shoes. It starts much earlier. This culture has been designed and ruled by men for thousands of years. Men’s technology is called patriarchy and it is outdated today, if it ever worked in the first place. Why?

Look at the state of planet earth, Gaia.
Actually no, don’t look at the state of planet earth.

Do an experiment! Take a deep breath and feel the state of planet earth! Give yourself some minutes and even close your eyes.

Feel the state of planet earth!

What do you feel?

There are two main directions from here. You either perceive even intense sensations ranging mostly from anger, fear and sadness, combined with a precise information about why you feel that.

Or you don’t.

If the latter is your experience, then look at the state of Gaia. As a writer it might not be the smartest idea to make you reach for your phone. Nonetheless use your mobile phone and google „The state of planet earth“. Do it now and pause the reading, so you can mentally catch up with the readers, who can feel. It is not your fault, that you can’t feel and have to take a detour here. It is just another result of patriarchy.

The world is facing a plethora of environmental issues. These have been predominantly caused by humankind. Humankind is deeply rooted in patriarchy. The results are undeniable visible. Our essential systems were established on pollution, animal and people abuse, and exhaustion of our planet’s natural resources.

The attentive reader might be so bold to probe the question:
What is the alternative?

Is it to bring women into power? Simply changing the players seems to be an appropriate approach. Women were suppressed in patriarchy and made servants for men. There is plenty of evidence. Today there are still discussions about equal rights for women even in modern western countries. Men rule the majority of corporations, religions and governments. Men command the armies. Actually not surprising, because men invented the army. This world is not designed for women to play full out. How could they? They were trained over generations to be obedient and serve men. Why would men give up their position of power? In this current context changing who is in power would still be the same game as before and an opportunity for women to take revenge. So, the war would go on. The war between women and men, that is fought at work, in the supermarket and in many beds at home.

The attentive reader might be so bold to probe again:
What is the alternative, then?

Fortunately there are humans, mostly women, on earth investigating this question and finding ways to a different culture. This flame is ignited and it is catching more air, growing higher. The more women on earth join this movement and truly collaborate, the faster the light of patriarchy will be diminished. Men’s comfort of the modern culture will vanish and leave them with nothing. Imagine this: If women would say out of their own authority (This means, they mean it.) to their men: „If you keep on working for this corperation, who abuses Gaia, I will leave you“, what will happen? Men will freak out. Can you see, how much power is in this?
This will bring a storm. A fierce storm! A storm of chaos! A storm of clarity, that will rage merciless and provide the natural hummus for a new culture called archiarchy. The time ahead is ferocious, radically responsible and chaotic.

This brings a new question: What can men do?

If there is any preparation for men for when the storm hits, it is:

Grow up!

Let’s face it! The vast majority of men are children in adult bodies playing the game of winning and losing. Scarcity drives decision making and kindles the war about resources. Nothing different, than two kids fighting over the toy in the sandpit.

Here is a incomplete list of growing up incubators possibilities for men.

Own your fear
Learn to feel consciously. Avoiding to be wrong is avoiding to make mistakes. Your resource behind avoiding mistakes is fear. Start owning your fear and use it consciously. Skip fake security, structure, rules and laws and start living in a small now using your fear to navigate, what the next step is. Train yourself in being connected to the unknown and the nothingness, which opens your real creative power. Own your fear means, be larger than your fear. Do an Expand The Box Training and then go to Fear Club frequently.

Own your sadness
Again, learn to feel consciously. Not feeling the pain of what you are creating is a smart way to circumvent change. The pain of things, that are not working in your life, will source your rocket fuel for changing these things. Feel the pain, of sabotaging your relationship, hurting yourself by putting you down, destroying Gaia and killing intimacy by competing with your friends and partner. Own your sadness. Connect it with your heart and be love. Volunteer in a hospice for 6 months or longer.

Get your balls back
Most men in relationships project their mother on their partner. Actually, they are in bed with their mother, not the unique radiant creature, who chose them. Set your boundaries towards your mother, feel the pain of how it was growing up with her and grow energetically and emotionally from a boy to a man. Go to Rage Club and to Men’s Possibility Labs

Take care of your neediness
Repeatedly unmet needs during childhood create neediness’ as an adult. Needy men are not attractive. You can’t fill the gap of a need from the past in the now. Discover your neediness by examining the domains in your life, where you experience scarcity and a lack of. Feel the pain and nourish your adult out of your own authority. Do 1:1 Coaching with an experienced Possibilitator.

Upgrade your relating skills
Learn to listen and communicate as an adult. Foster your negotiation skills for intimacy. Learn to take care of yourself. Your partner is not there to take care of you. Remove drama from your relating. Identify and accept your survival patterns and train yourself in ways to choose something different. Be in a small now. Go to Expand The Box. If you already participated in Expand the Box, do it again and go to Possibility Lab.

Join a team
This one is tricky. Join or create a team of men who are committed to archiarchy and willing to surf on the razor’s edge. Check the intention of each man in your team again and again, as you all go along. Don’t create a low drama oriented, whining, revenge plotting men’s circle.

Get to know your underworld
My, what? Owning your underworld means, your unconscious purpose is not running your life behind closed curtains. It is the hidden part, that sabotages your life, let’s you beat up yourself about not being good enough, undermines your relationships and let’s you blame others or the circumstances for the results in your life. This might take some time and it is worth it. Learn to experientially distinguish the active part of your shadow, and practice using this force consciously. Starting with Expand the Box works well, then do this transformation.

So far, so good!

Now, an appropriate question to the author is, where are you in all this?

Right in the middle, is my answer. This summer I met her and the first cycle began. It is a continuous path bringing to the surface, what needs to die inside of me, so that I start to live more authentically. My patriarchic patterns, thoughts and concepts are no longer working. And I don’t even notice them all. My world is crumbling. I finally start to feel the pain about what I have been creating in relating with women and Gaia in the past. Feeling the pain makes it no longer an option to continue like this. She is my storm. The cycles could last for quite some time. My inner voice confirms with trembling fear, that this assumption is accurate.

Nobody says, that this is easy. Neither for women nor for men. Easy means being comfortable and this is not about being comfortable.

This is evolution. This is about archiarchy.

This is, what the storm brings.

Let go of the illusion of the white sneakers.
They stand for purity, innocence and order.

Forget it!

The time ahead is ferocious, radically responsible and chaotic.

Women, be fierce!

Men, it’s the time to face the washing machine and get in.
Now it is time to grow up! I am in your team in this.

Looking down at my feet, I mumble ‚Goodbye‘ to my white sneakers!