How Do You Spot a Manipulator

Your are gorgeous, people used to say and they still say it. I have mixed feelings about it. I feel charmed, happy and also fearful, sometimes angry. Fearful to be acknowledged as a piece of meat fitting in someone’s box. Angry, when I smell the manipulation clearly. Of cause, there is the attraction factor — some like blonde, some like black, but I want to be loved for who I am, not just the shell, but what’s inside too, my essence, my being so , sensitive, intuitive, non-linear, spontaneous, creative, sometimes chaotic, sometimes slow, sometimes fast… the whole deal.

I don’t like to make myself too pretty, sometimes, I underdreass for exactly that reason. At the same time I thoroughly enjoy being made up for modeling gigs: natural make-up, clothes that suit my being — compfy, soft, sporty-elegant. It’s fun to do the woman thing, celebrate beauty at the fullest and thoroughly enjoy showing it. It’s a job. It’s clear that it’s a job. Because I don’t want to appear something that I am not. I don’t want to manipulate, fake, pretend — that’s not my intention.

Experiencing manipulation is ugly. Sometimes, I just don’t spot it, doubting myself: maybe, I did something wrong that creates this behavior in the other as a response. The old story of the self-doubt, a leftover memory of childhood. Despite awareness, emotions may allow it to continue. Before I accuse the other, I accuse myself — just in case. You don’t want to be a manipulator. And yet, every kind word that doesn’t come from the heart can be a manipulation. Every compliment, every argument people sell you to get you to do something can be both, their truth or their way to get you where they want you.

It’s worth to understand manipulation! It empowers you to identify and break free from its impact.

What’s the intention behind?

A simple way to spot manipulation is asking myself, what is the intention behind the the words or behavior. That, I also ask myself, what is my intention. Clarity is gold.

Typical Tactics people use to get what they want:

• Emotional manipulation (if you say no, you don’t really care about me)
• Telling half truths (it’s the same distance — but it takes much longer to drive there)
• Using guilt (that’s what friends are for, to help, aren’t they)
• Pretending to be romantically interested or being interested and wanting to get more out of this (free housing, money, etc.)
• Withholding attention, affection, or sex
• Intimidation (subtle verbal using sarcasm, physical, or cyber)
• Financial manipulation (controlling money)
• Lying (including white lies)
• Picturing reality to you the way they want you to see it
• Misrepresenting their intentions
• Nagging, persistently annoying, bothering (can be disruptive or intrusive etc.)
• Involving other people you care about (I told your friend about this and she agrees with me)

If you’ve been manipulated, don’t blame yourself. Recognizing manipulation can be challenging if it’s not in your nature. Or may be it is in a subtle way, like being super kind all the time to prevent fear of the conflict of calling bullshit out.

Being manipulated doesn’t make you stupid or weak; it’s an opportunity to examine your behavior and thinking patterns to protect against future manipulation. While it’s not about whose fault it is, reflecting on certain aspects can be helpful to heal and become stronger.

Manipulators spot people with certain traits. It takes you to apply a nodge of clarity and not enter the drama game of becoming a the victim.

Are you easily manipulated?

Is it difficult for you to say no?

Do you readily ignore warning signs and red flags, making excuses for others’ behavior?

Have you chosen to trust people even when there’s evidence suggesting you shouldn’t?

Is it a naive, blue-eyed ignorance stemming from innocence?

Do you dismiss your gut feelings about people because of loneliness?

Have you allowed others to treat you poorly, perhaps in subtle ways?

Deep down, do you believe you don’t deserve to be treated well, thinking that’s just how life works — gain something good and offset it by receiving something bad to balance the scales?

Preventing Manipulation

Trying to prevent manipulation you can become over attentive and possibly interpret things erroneously, yet open communication is key to stay healthy.

It is likely that everyone, at some point in their lives, has been or will be manipulated to some extent. This can even happen to people who are on their guard. People manipulate for all sorts of reasons, and one key to freeing yourself from a manipulation mess is to realize it likely has little to do with you and actually has everything to do with the manipulator themselves. Though manipulation can take subtle forms and be hard to detect, there are some things that can help prevent it from happening to you or stop it if it’s already happening.

• Set boundaries and be consistent when enforcing them
• Call people out when you don’t like how they’re treating you
• Ask them to clarify their intentions
• Build your own self esteem so you can say no and mean it
• Be skeptical in a healthy but not fearful way
• Set healthy boundaries with those around you
• Do not put the needs of others above your own
• Do not please others to your own detriment
• Pay attention to your gut reactions and emotional wellbeing

Manipulation can have harmful effects. If you’ve been manipulated, you might lose trust in yourself and your judgments, leading to total insecurity. You might contemplate distancing yourself from others and isolating yourself. It’s crucial to gain clarity and rebuild trust in yourself and your judgments. Processing the hurt caused by manipulation can be tough, but it’s futile to run away from the pain by distracting, ignoring, or using substances. It’s like repeatedly placing your hand on a hot stove, risking burns because you never felt the pain — it requires feeling the pain to make new decisions. It’s not about assigning blame; it’s about learning from it.

Today, I trust my intuition again, and I must admit: each time I overheard that clear signal inside — it was not that I didn’t hear it, I just chose to overhear it, and I got myself into a serious mess. Better trust your guts and spot the manipulators — it’s more loving for yourself, and you don’t invite them to play your victim game. Remember, embracing the truth within can save you from the traps of manipulation. Dare to feel!

If you enjoy my inspiration do things differently visit me at http://manuelastoerzer.com. xxx