Stop The Voices In Your Head
“Help! I have these negative thoughts and judgmental voices all the time. They hardly give me a moment’s peace.” …Do you recognize yourself in this?
This text builds on the article “S.T.O.P._I.T. | Stop Beating Yourself Up!”. In that article, you have already experimented with noticing these destructive thoughts. But how can you effectively deal with persistent, recurring voices? That is what I want to explore with you here.
By voices, I mean those recurring statements or questions in your head that come along with a certain coloring of self doubt or hatred. Voices that you surely know for yourself like: “I am not good enough” or “Oh, gosh, what have I done now?” or “I’m really too stupid.” These thoughts usually sound harsh, accusatory or doubtful.
Affirmations are a widespread self-help technique, which tries to override these unhelpful voices. These are assertions to yourself. Typical affirmations include “I’m great”, “Everything will be okay”, or “I believe in my goals.”
Why Affirmations Do Not Work (In Most Cases)
The problem with affirmations is that you are trying to cover paint over something that you perceive as negative with something that you perceive as positive. There’s the rub already — you’re living in a world of right and wrong. You believe that you should be different. You try to numb yourself by telling yourself that you are great, beautiful, or slim. Affirmations do not work if you do not feel that you really are that. In fact, this technique is more likely to lead to resistance, because your subconscious mind knows that you are not living true to what you tell yourself.
To come back to “right” and “wrong.” As soon as there is even the slightest touch of evaluation of what you are doing or being, this method will drive you up against the wall. Because even supposedly positive thoughts or voices can be a move by your Shadow World to make you feel like something better, to put you above others, or to numb you. “I am great (and no one can touch me).”, “ I am special (and therefore I do not need to be in touch).”, or “I am living my purpose (and therefore I am not open to feedback).”
So, what to do with all those voices that tell you you are a bad person, criticize you, or tell you what you should do?
Do Not Believe These Voices
Please do not trust anything you think. And especially do not believe these voices that are buzzing around you. All these are just Stories for now. Stories of (too) good or (too) bad.
When and under what circumstances do you think of yourself as the responsible Victim, the evil Perpetrator, or once again the worn-out Rescuer? There are a lot of Stories of how life or yourself should be. We’re all great Storytellers, and we believe what we tell ourselves, too. A first preliminary Experiment to create a gap between you and your Stories is to notice when and how you get swallowed up by them. Notice the following: How do your Emotions, mood, attitude, or reactions change? What kinds of Stories drag you down? Which ones make you feel arrogant? Which voices are destructive and which thoughts serve you?
The Difference Between Thoughts And Voices
There is a small but important difference between thoughts and voices. Thoughts can be very helpful. For example, when you are sorting facts, planning something, or calculating something. Your brain is great at thinking about something and coming up with a solution. But if your thoughts are spinning out of control and you are just going around in circles, thinking things out of order, that is not very helpful.
Voices may feel like your thoughts at first, but they are not. They are voices that you have taken on. I invite you to a small Experiment. Listen to these voices completely non-judgmentally and write them down. Pay attention to the coloration they come with and from where you know them. Pretty soon you will find out: “Oh, wow, that is what my mother used to say to me”, or “I learned that I am not smart from Mr. Maier at school”.
These voices do not come from your Adult Ego-State, but have other origins. They are not your real voice. In an adult state of Being, it is actually very quiet.
Voices Have Different Sources
Please recognize that you have these voices, but that you are not these voices. They appear and pass by like clouds. You can believe them and let them influence you, or try something completely different.
These voices can come from a variety of sources. For example, from your parents, elementary school teacher, or priest.
Authority Figures
Often these are voices from “authority figures” that you have allowed to enter you unfiltered. At some point, you may even think that this is your opinion. These external voices include prompts about what you should do, how you should be, or what is forbidden. “ You are never good enough”, “You have no idea”, “I’m not supposed to do that”, or “I should be happier”. The machinery of self-judgment goes off.
These voices can often be recognized by the tone of that person’s voice. This is not always a given, however, and it is worth your while to look at these “beliefs” in an Emotional Healing Process. Do not pass over the fact that these voices are trying to point you to unhealed trauma from childhood.
If you have done the Emotional Healing Process, this will already change something about the voices. Many disappear, some still come back from time to time like an echo. You can then confidently shoot down these voices with a Voice Blaster. You can find out exactly how to do this in Experiment Number 1 or in detail on the Voice Blaster website.
Gremlin
Another cause of these voices is your Gremlin, the king or queen of your own Shadow World, who uses these voices to sabotage you. Gremlin is the part of you that will do whatever it takes to continue to successfully implement your childhood Survival Strategy, even though you might be an Adult by now. These voices prevent you from implementing your projects, undermine your own integrity, and want you to avoid real responsibility: “I’m tired. What difference does it make if I finish this or not?”, “I should get paid a lot more for this”, “You’re a failure”, or “You’ll never amount to anything”. Yes, the last two examples could also come from an authority figure, but can you ever be sure that your Gremlin is not grabbing those very voices to keep you down?
Many Gremlins use Self-Cannibalization as an extreme form of Survival Strategy to continue to stay small and conformed. What works for these voices is…drum roll please… Humor! Disempower your Gremlin’s voice by smiling, thanking your Gremlin, and saying, “Yes, I am a complete failure …” Then you turn your energetic eyes 180 degrees (in fact, you can physically turn in another direction while doing this and continue speaking the sentence you started “… and I am …” This time you bring all those Qualities that are also moving through you in your life. We are not at the affirmation mentioned above here, but you can really feel these Qualities coming through you into the world. If you are unsure about this, get Feedback from your team about what they see in you. So continue the sentence, “…. Joy of life. An explorer who is just trying new things.”
(Also, please read through the article again on this: “S.T.O.P._I.T. | Stop Beating Yourself Up!” and especially the experiment where you exchange your own whip for your inner sword of clarity).
Society (Advertisement, Role Models, …)
These voices come from a near-perfect worldview that our society holds, about career, appearance, family life, diet, sports, health and so on. “I have to lose 5 kilos”, “I should educate myself better”, “I also need this fancy new wristwatch” or “I am getting old — now I should really hurry up with starting a family”.
With these kinds of voices, precaution is the best remedy. Do you still watch commercials? What kind of people do you surround yourself with? Do you hang out on social media and compare yourself? Now, the real question: is this doing you any good, or is it fostering those very destructive voices within you? If so, then it is time to go cold turkey. Stop your media consumption. Cancel fake friendships. Stop reading the news and watch how that affects your inner peace.
You know that movie “Inside Out” with the scene where Riley’s memory keeps reminding her of the chewing gum song? You can find the clip here on YouTube. If you do not give meaning to your memories (voices), they fade. So what if you no longer give such advertising voices any significance at all in your life and thus give the warehouse staff in your head permission to dispose of them? By the way, this also works with other voices, not only with advertising jingles.
I wish you blissful Experiments and stay tuned, the next article will appear next month.
Love,
Lisa
P. S. For more information on how to deal with destructive patterns in a transformational way, please contact info@lisaommert.com.
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Experimente
Here are usually Experiments. This time I have already placed them in the text. Here is a short overview of the Experiments again.
Experiment 1: Notice your Stories
List the stories that you have about yourself. Start each sentence with:
“I am… (beautiful, cool, not cool, ugly, not worthy, boring, irritating, smart, idiot, kind, adaptive, crazy, lovable, nice, bubbly, etc…”
“I am a daughter, a son, a mother, a wife, a husband, a cheater, a businessman, a rich person, an elite, white, black, rich, poor, a refugee, …”
All those stories are part of your Box. What kind of Stories do you carry around with you? What is your proof of being a Victim? How do these Stories about yourself allow the Voices to appear?
When you have done this experiment for two weeks, enter Matrix Code STORYWOR.01 in your free account of the StartOver.xyz game.
Experiment 2: Write a Voice diary and learn how to use a Voice Blaster
Visit the Voice Blaster website and go directly to the numerous experiments with the voice colt. Have fun with it!
When you have done this Experiments, enter Matrix Code see website in your free account of the StartOver.xyz game.
Experiment 3: Use Humor To Nullify Your Gremlin Strategies
Every time you catch your Gremlin using voices to take you down yourself, turn to your Gremlin and look him in the eye. Smirk and tell him a phrase like this, “Yeah, you’re right, I’m a real jerk! Funny, right? And you know what? I am so much more than that. I am ….” and then say all the qualities that work through you. For example: Exploratory Spirit, Adventure, Possibility, Togetherness, Connection.
When you have done this experiment for two weeks, enter Matrix Code GUILTxxx.16 in your free account of the StartOver.xyz game.
Experiment 4: Detox — Cold Turkey
Stop your media consumption. Cancel fake friendships. Stop reading the news and watch how it affects your inner peace. Do this over a period of at least four weeks.
Check in with your Possibility Team regularly about the experiment.
When you have done this experiment for two weeks, enter Matrix Code GUILTxxx.17 in your free account of the StartOver.xyz game.
