Where the Hermits Gather
Finding the Village Weavers and Visionaries of Next Culture Villaging
It is the third fire circle. This time we are gathered around our fireplace inside. It is cold and dark outside, and water is pouring down from the heavens.
12 local visionaries are huddled closely together in our lounge. It is cosy.
As one after the other introduces themselves, it soon dawns on me that we are a bunch of hermits. Most share that they spend a lot of time at home, alone, so this is a welcome occasion to meet others.
Something occurs to me as I listen: Hermits are really village weavers that do not know that they are village weavers. They haven’t learned how to set boundaries and say what they want in healthy ways, so the only option they see is to withdraw.
Isolation is a common strategy amongst village weavers. The pain of wanting intimate connection, and such a connection not being available, easily leads to a mix of emotions of sadness and fear. The result of such mixed emotions is isolation, or withdrawal.
Village weavers that turn into hermits feel the pain of modern culture. They might not know what to do with it. So, they hide. They turn their pain inward. What their heart longs for, who they are here to be, seems unattainable in a culture that promotes individualism, competition, low drama, overstepping of boundaries, being a nice girl or boy, and big shiny achievements and successes.
If you are a village weaver, you are here to build the village your heart longs for. You will not know how exactly that goes, else you would have already done it. That is not to say you have failed. What matters is that you could choose something different right now.
When you choose to become the village weaver that you are, you need to face into your shadows: How do you avoid the intimacy you long for? How exactly do you isolate? What are the stories you tell yourself about others? Do you tell yourself that others don’t want what you want? That others are too difficult? That human interactions are too messy, too hard, and that you’re better off alone? Do you tell yourself that if you showed yourself, others would not like you and in fact, they would abandon you anyway?
These and other stories are stories I have told myself, or I have heard other village weavers share, mainly in Emotional Healing Processes. The most powerful, and most deceptive one, however, is this one: “I am alone”.
This story is not true. Of course, in a way we are all alone. In another way, we are wired to be in community. Others also dream of a different way of being with each other, authentically, vulnerably, intimately, just like you do. And just like you, they also believe that they are alone. It is not true.
What is the benefit of this particular story, or other stories, that keep you isolated?
I mean this question seriously. Pause and check it out for yourself. What is the purpose and benefit of your isolating stories?
I have found that mostly, they serve the purpose of comfort, of keeping someone safe in survival mode. It is scary to authentically relate with other human beings, it requires vulnerability. You never know what comes next. It is also scary, at first, to set boundaries when you never learned how to set them and hold them.
I experienced a lot of fear when I started to learn to set and maintain my own boundaries. Part of it was learning to say what I want, make adult proposals and negotiate at eye-level. In gaining these skills, I no longer have to run away and isolate. Instead, I can create what I am here to create.
Sure, my isolation mechanism still kicks in occasionally. I notice it, and I don’t have to act on it. It does what it had done my whole life long, and that does not serve me anymore.
I am a Village Weaver. I used to be a hermit. It is time to build and live in the Village my heart longs for.
Together with 3 other Village researchers, I live and create at “Ahi o te Manawa” Next Culture Research Center, at the Southern end of Lake Taupo. We are learning to radically relate with each other. It can be a bumpy ride, yes. There is ecstasy also in this alive process of co-creation. The main thing is that we are all committed to Evolution and Healing. As such, we are a bridge-house. Bridge-houses are emerging all across the globe.
Would you like to find out more?
