Who do you want to be?
What is the place inside where words do not need to be found?
The place where I have enough space within myself to let my heart speak?
I find myself entangled in a net of stories, expectations, doubts.
A net where the more I move, trying to fight my way out, the more I choke myself.
I stop breathing.
A dark force above me, dominating me.
I can’t do anything but putting my head down and hide; its breathing is heavy on my neck, I cannot see it but I know it’s there, it has always been there, as long as I can remember, I can’t breathe.
I put my head down and all I see is my own dark shadow, all I smell is heavy wet air, all I hear is
“I can’t do this”.
I have been asked to write about why am I doing all this, why am I waking up at 4.30 in the morning to join a Rage Club Spaceholder Training.
In a very few words, the answer to that question is that I want to be Alive.
Alive?! What do you mean you want to be Alive?! You are here writing this article, you have a body, a mind, how can you NOT be alive? You might ask.
I was raised in Patriarchy.
Patriarchy does not want you to be Alive.
Look around you, look at where you are right now.
You can only know where you are when you look at the results you are getting.
Waters are polluted.
The air you breathe is polluted.
Forests are being deforested for farming and timber.
The food you eat is wrapped in plastic and stored in big supermarkets.
People around you fight over resources.
The world is ruled by little boys in big bodies who are playing boardgames with your life and the life of future generations.
And you have put up with this game for so long that you have made it normal.
You tell yourself that nothing will ever change, this is just how things are.
You need to go to work, make money, cook dinner, feed your children, do the laundry, answer emails, phone calls, messages, pay the bills, walk the dog, clean the house, wash the dishes and on, and on, and on..
Who has the time and energy to do anything else?
No wonder you end your day watching Netflix, having a glass of wine and smoking a cigarette so that you can “relax” and finally have some deserved “me” time.
You might be calling this “living”, I call it “surviving”.
You might be feeling something as you read these words, it might be anger, sadness, fear or even joy.
Great! Let it be there.
You need the intelligence and energy of your feelings to be able to shout “Enough!, I care for my life! I care for the lives of future generations! I care for Gaia!”
COME ON, WHEREVER YOU ARE, SHOUT IT OUT LOUD SO THAT THE PEOPLE AROUND YOU CAN HEAR IT!
What would shouting do anyway? You might ask.
Of course, shouting might not create the results you expect.
The “problem” is that modern culture, the culture that is destroying planet earth at the fastest rate possible, does not want you to feel your feelings, because if you do, if you really feel the pain of the results around you, you won’t be able to keep living the way you are.
Modern Culture wants you to survive, living is a different thing.
Here is an experiment.
Close your eyes and look at your life,
Look at what you do, the way you spend your day.
How do you feel about the things you do?
What are your priorities? Where do you put your attention?
Here is a secret (tell everyone you know!)
Where your attention goes your energy flows.
Everyone wakes up in the morning with the same amount of energy.
The question is, what do you do with it?
If your attention goes towards things you do not want to do, meaning you resent everything you do, then you end up exhausted, with no energy, blaming life, yourself, others or the circumstances for not living the life you want to live.
The more you exhaust yourself the more you resent everything you do. And the loop goes on.
Have you ever experienced being so turned on by a project you are involved with that you could keep going like you had some never ending burning coal fueling you and you had no idea where this extra energy was coming from?
That is you putting your energy towards your life. The energy comes back to you as a message for you, from the Universe that says “keep going!” And the loop goes on.
That is you being Alive.
Nobody can live your life but you, no one can change things but you, you might tell yourself that you do not have the power to do something different AND you live in a radical responsible world where you are the creator of your life, whether you want it or not.
The bad news is that no one can create something different but you, the good news is that no one can stop you from creating the life you want to live.
If you ever watched Fight Club, there is a scene where Tyler points a gun at Raymond a convenient store owner and asks:
“What did you want to be?!”
“A veterinary” he answers shaking in fear.
“If you are not on your way to become a veterinary in 6 weeks you will be dead.”
Now, pointing a gun at people’s head might be too much to encourage them to live their life, but you get the point.
People give up their life to fit in modern culture and play the “I win, you lose” game where competition and hierarchy prevails.
You do not need a gun pointed at you to take the steps you need to live your life.
What you need is reconnecting with your anger so that you can use it consciously as an adult to create the life you want to live.
Anger is the one that goes first, the warrior clearing the path.
Reconnecting with your anger does not mean going around shouting at people, breaking stuff, hating everything and everyone and complaining all the time; even though this might be the only example of anger expression you have experienced so far.
You might have learned from your parents or the people around you as a child that when people get angry, something bad is going to happen.
Anger is loud, scary, childish, useless, crazy, destructive, unproductive, rude, violent abusive and so on.
Anger is bad and needs to be managed, controlled, suppressed, hidden at all costs.
Yes anger can be all of the above.
The question is, why would you have such energy if it was not useful for something?
Why trying the impossible mission of getting rid of it when you can use it as an endless resource in your life?
Everything you are born with has a function.
Teeth for instance, you can use them to bite someone’s arm, or you can use them to eat your breakfast.
Would you remove your teeth or try to hide them with your lips because your neighbor has some strange habits?
The same happens with anger, you can use it to destroy, or you can use it to create.
Every space has a purpose, you go to the restaurant to have a meal, you go to the library to read a book.
Now in this very moment, there are spaces where you go to reconnect with your anger. These spaces are called Rage Club, where people like me have received so much value from that are willing to take a stand for their diffusion around the world, so that the next time you go for a walk around the city you’ll see a restaurant, next to a library, next to a Rage Club venue where people inside are committed to take their life back.
Rage Club is the space to dive into the territory of conscious anger, together with a team of others who have taken a stand for their life, who have said “Enough, I want something different!”
With your anger you can take the step you need to go bare feet past the thorny gorse bush of your doubts that stands between you and your life, the prison walls around you that you have planted and watered to keep you safe and look down at your wounded feet to realise that from where you are, right there, at the edge, you have the option to fly.
Like handling a sword for the first time, learning how to use your anger consciously requires practice.
A practice is to start your day in a way that you have never done before, everyday, for a week.
There is a part inside of you who is longing to come out.
Let it tell you what it wants to do.
Let it speak, let it dance, let it sing out the window, let it climb a tree, let it dress like a warrior, let it invite the neighbours for breakfast, let it book a flight to Iceland, let it cry, let it laugh, let it speak like an Italian, let it start writing a book, let it get rid of half of your clothes, let it jump into the cold river water on a frosty winter morning so that you can be Alive.
Notice the sensations in your body, the judgments, the doubts that stop you from doing something different.
Use your conscious anger to take the step and say yes to Life.
You get to choose.
