7 Ways to build a better relationship with your spouse who works nights
When you work a traditional shift and your spouse works the night shift, it can put a lot of strain on your relationship.
Between missing out on time to spend with one another to feeling frustrated by one another’s sleeping habits or mood, it is hard to maintain and build a strong relationship with your partner when they work non-traditional hours.
Just because you and your spouse are on different schedules, it doesn’t mean that you can’t strengthen your relationship and find ways to connect with one another.
Here are a few ways to help improve your relationship with your spouse who works night:
1. Communicate
When it comes to relationships, communication is key.
If you aren’t sharing how you are feeling or allowing your partner to share how they are feeling, then it will be hard for you to address any issues that arise in your relationship.
Your partner might not know that they are acting irritable or moody when they are sleep deprived. They also might not be aware of how their attitude is influencing you. Unless you communicate what you are feeling, they will remain unaware and continue the behavior.
In the same way, there may be things that you are doing that your partner doesn’t like. Maybe you tend to make a little too much noise in the morning when they are trying to sleep, for instance. Make space for your partner to share their difficulties and feelings so that you can make changes to improve your relationship.
The first step to change is communication. Encourage your partner to communicate any issues with you and make sure you do the same.
2. Make small gestures
Even small gestures can make a big difference in your relationship. Try to do little things like leaving small sticky notes with positive messages on the bathroom mirror for your spouse to see when they wake up.
Try sending a text during the day to simply remind them that you are thinking of them or bringing home flowers or their favorite candy bar or treat so they have a surprise waiting for them when they get home from work.
These small acts will let your spouse know that even though you’re not able to see each other as often as you might like, you still care.
3. Allow them to sleep
One of the biggest issues that night shift workers face is sleep deprivation. Working unconventional hours disrupts their circadian rhythm, and it makes it challenging for them to get an adequate amount of high-quality sleep each night.
You can help ease this burden and support your spouse by encouraging them to get enough sleep each morning.
Understand that when they sleep through the morning, they aren’t “sleeping in” or being lazy. They are getting the sleep that is critical for their mental and physical health, their mood, and their sense of sanity.
Work hard to respect their sleep time. Avoid noisy cores like vacuuming, and try your best to be quiet and keep light out of the bedroom.
It’s also important to give them space when they first wake up. Remember, when your spouse wakes up in the afternoon, they are still warming up to the day. While you have had hours to adjust and get halfway through their day, they are still getting started, and they are probably not ready for an onslaught of new information or tasks right away.
4. Schedule time together
Even though it might be difficult, make it a priority to schedule time to be together every day. Try to have a shared meal, even if it looks a little different than what couples do when they work the same schedule.
When you do find time to spend together, make sure you’re intentional with your time. Avoid using your phone or allowing other distractions to get in the way.
From date nights to planned meal times, this intentional time that you spend together will help you connect and grow closer.
5. Build healthy habits together
Working the night shift often leads to an increase in stress and weight gain. You can help combat both of these issues and spend time with your partner by building healthy habits together.
Try meal prepping healthy meals and snacks in the evening together so that your partner doesn’t have to stop for fast food or grab an unhealthy snack from the vending machine during their shift.
Go for an afternoon walk together to help get exercise, sunlight, and an opportunity to talk to one another without interruptions. There are numerous health benefits to daily exercise, and this activity will help you reduce stress while bonding with one another.
6. Be positive
When people are feeling stressed or overwhelmed, it can help them to spend time with positive people.
Encourage them to seek out positive influences, and try your best to be a positive person for them as much as possible.
There can be a lot of negative people working nights, and this can rub off on your partner. When you make sure you are a positive person in your spouse’s life, it can help them develop a more positive mindset.
While it is always important to listen and offer validation, you should also try to point out the benefits of working nights when your partner feels jaded. Remind them that they are doing valuable work, and even mention small things like less traffic during their commute or how they have the opportunity to run errands during the day when there are fewer crowds.
7. Express gratitude
Do your best to avoid taking your partner for granted. If they get chores done or run errands during the day while you’re at work, make sure that you say “thank you.” Even if these actions are expected, it is always helpful to show your appreciation.
Try writing a note that lets your spouse know that you are grateful for who they are and what they do for your family. Make sure that your partner knows that you appreciate the work they are doing for your family while they work on the night shift by expressing gratitude on a regular basis.
A little bit of appreciation goes a long way toward strengthening relationships and improving communication.
Working the night shift takes a toll on many people’s relationships, but it doesn’t have to harm yours. When you keep these seven strategies in mind, it can help you continue to build your relationship with your spouse even though you aren’t on the same schedule.
Night Shift Nutrition is a community focused on living your best life, while working nights. We do this by sharing our experiences and science based educations. The point is to not only survive working nights but to thrive! If this sounds like something you’d like to be a part of you can apply to join our facebook group or subscribe to our email list.
