Night Vision
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Night Vision

How to Recognize a Soulmate Encounter

Fate strikes out of nowhere: learn to see the signs of a life-changing connection.

Photo by Sharon McCutcheon on Unsplash

So I was sitting there, Mid-August, at the picnic table in the backyard, with the sun-dappled shade kissing the steam rising from my milky coffee.

Had it been another season or setting, despair might have set in. But, as it happened, my sister was with me and her jocular, upbeat positivity kept my inner ship steering towards optimism.

I had told her about my experiences with Tinder. They were mostly bad, though redeemed through comedy. She told me that she had found a lot of luck with OkCupid, meeting people who were willing to openly dialogue and have a somewhat deeper connection before meeting and getting to know each other.

Much more my speed.

So I sat there, and with all the naive belief-in-love my 35-year old soul could muster (actually a lot), I penned my profile . . .

. . .and left it go, into the void to be read or unread, swiped or not swiped.

Please now use your imagination to fill in predictable and somewhat tiring exchanges that range in flavor from monosyllabic to connected-but-too-polite-and-just-not-the-right-something-there.

And then it happened that someone jumped out at me and immediately I recognized what I had experienced a few times before:

A soulmate connection brewing.

Here are some of the early signs of being in the presence of a soulmate:

  1. This person speaks to you (and you to them) in metaphors, catch-phrases, or dream images that are already familiar to you. Of course, this can happen with anyone who shares similar artistic or aesthetic taste as you. However, it is no coincidence that Lady Venus, the Goddess of Love, is also the Goddess of Aesthetics and Beauty, and when you are in the presence of a soul-mate person, they will effortlessly produce words, images, connections that give that shivery “how did you read my mind” kind of feeling.
  2. Things do not seem “too good to be true.” In fact, you may experience some minor to moderate turbulence in your first few interactions with a soulmate. Often these people are brought into your life/awareness because you have some gifts and lessons to exchange with one another. These can be apparent right away and you may even find yourself in conflict-resolution with a soul-mate early into your relationship. WARNING: do not tolerate abuse, that’s definitely not it. But what I mean to say is, you may find yourselves falling into an easy type of intimacy that takes you right into some of the more tender aspects of each other. When that happens, a soul-mate person is willing to stop & repair, check in, and communicate. ___ you also don’t see this person as perfect, or without the need for growth. ___
  3. You have a sense that each of you has something to offer the other. We have all heard the phrase “no man is an island” but also, we hear a lot of the message that we need to love ourselves before we can love others — what gets lost in translation is that loving ourselves is an action, not a destination. We are each here to enrich each other's lives and share gifts. When you meet a soul-mate person, one of the reasons that it feels so good is that each person feels both nourished by the offerings of the other person, and like they have a delicious dish to bring to the table. Both parties feel desired and appreciated.
  4. Synchronicities Abound. You may find weird synchronous connections to other things in your lives. Similar vacation places as kids, parents in the same profession, similar educational background or aspirations (even if they never materialized). Soulmate people of the type I’m talking about right now often have walked a similar life-terrain as you, and have important things you may have missed along the way.
  5. The Universe Conspires. This person comes to you amid big energetic shifts or literal changes in your life. The cosmos seems to be swirling around you, somehow, in other ways, around the time you meet your soul-mate person. They are often not an isolated event, but part of a flurry of synchronicity and energizing energy in your life. Pay attention to the larger pattern when deciding what kinds of lessons this soul-mate may be bringing to you.

THIS IS IMPORTANT: Many people want to pretend that soul-mates are only positive occurrences. This is not true! There are many different lessons that we learn through interacting with these special people — for better or worse!

How to Get the Most Out of a Soulmate Connection

When you meet a soul-mate person, it is a signal that you’ve integrated some essential part of yourself, and are ready to begin new lessons with a new partner.

However, a few things to keep in mind when encountering a new soul-study-buddy:

  1. You do not know how long your lessons will last. Could be a lifetime, could be a season. Could be a 5 minute wait at a bus stop. Don’t cling.
  2. You know best what medicine you need to receive (and *EK* will always receive the best and perfect medicine in every interaction). That is to say, don’t tolerate gas-lighting or any kind of charming manipulations — soul-connected people often have a hypnotic effect, and it’s important to stay true to one's own self. Remaining present to one's own essential self keeps these connections on course so they can provide the highest quality education to you.
  3. You are always only ever working on yourself. The surest way to codependency with a super-connected soul-mate person is to focus on their wellbeing only, or to become hyper-focused on what *they* need to change in themselves — phew! talk about a way to foul the well. Remember that you are the captain and crew of your own ship and your own ship alone.

Enjoy the Journey

Having a soul-mate connection come into your life can be the most exciting and exhilarating experience, and you can be sure that it will change your life in small or large ways.

When meeting a soul-mate person, always remember that the other is a reflection of yourself, and we are each called ever more and more into complete supportive self-adoration.

A true soul-mate connection will guide you to the next steps on your journey and deeper levels of intimacy with your own eternal, essential self.

Bon voyage!



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Laila M Bernhardt

Laila M Bernhardt

Radical agent of transformation & shedder of light. Lover, rebel, wise counsel.