What’s the Big Deal about Divorce?
Is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife? (Mark 10:2b)
The question was carefully phrased, as it was given to Jesus to answer. It does not ask what is the benefit of divorce to society or to the children or even to the parents. It does not really ask whether it is morally right or wrong. It does not ask what is God’s opinion of divorce, or what was his original intention in marriage in the first place.
It asks if it is “lawful” to divorce. It was asked by legalists who were always looking for a technical way around something that God had commanded that they did not want to do. The issue of our hearts is always to submit ourselves entirely to God’s will and run in his direction with reckless abandon. How different was the spirit of these Pharisees to the psalmist:
I seek you with all my heart; do not let me stray from your commands. I have hidden your word in my heart that I might not sin against you … I rejoice in following your statutes as one rejoices in great riches. I meditate on your precepts and consider your ways. I delight in your decrees; I will not neglect your word. (Psalm 119:10–11,14–16)
But divorce and marriage, then as now, were burning questions for all to consider. The question was put to Jesus and there was the possibility that some among these Pharisees honestly sought his opinion. It is equally possible that they were trying to set a trap for him so he might offend Herodias as John the Baptist had done (Mark 6:17–19). But it is difficult, by this time in Mark’s gospel, to assume complete honesty on the whole on their part.
It has long been observed that “as goes marriage, so goes society.” When divorce rates climb, so do crime rates, social problems, and economic problems. The home is the first institution of human society and its neglect has always led to problems and the downfall of human society. Marriage and divorce are important topics because divorce undermines the very foundation of society. The crime rate in any nation is directly connected to the number of single mothers raising children by themselves.
Divorce among the Jews: Deuteronomy 24 had given the means for divorce among the Jews, but it was unspecific about the reasons that would justify divorce. There were different schools of rabbinical thought among Jews of Jesus’ day. The school of Shammai said that adultery and adultery alone was a just cause for divorce. The school of Hillel was much more literal, giving permission for divorce for virtually anything at all, even being a poor cook or being loud and argumentative. And some even when further, giving the husband the right to divorce his wife if he was attracted to another woman.
The result was that divorce had become common place, just as it is in our day, and it leaned to favor the man, not the woman. A man could divorce his wife for virtually no reason at all, other than that he chose to. Moses had permitted divorce out of the hardness of their hearts, meaning that divorce always reflects the sinful selfishness of human life. A hard heart is not touched by another’s plight, and offers no consideration or sympathy to what pain they may experience. We may take this to mean that divorce is better than murder, or divorce is better than to undermine the very definition of marriage.
There have been many though the centuries who, rather than divorce, have sought to live in “open-marriages” and take the issue of sexual fidelity out of their definition of marriage. Of course, such a marriage is no marriage at all. Speaking of marriages between a believer and an unbeliever, Paul gave the command, “But if the unbeliever leaves, let it be so. The brother or the sister is not bound in such circumstances; God has called us to live in peace” (1 Cor. 7:15). I have seen some who though they will not say that they want to leave the marriage, they instead wish to change the definition of marriage and say that they will remain “married” but wish to have sexual relations with others people. But, in actuality, that is just another way of leaving the marriage — and, besides, the motivation in these cases is most always simply economic reasons.
Christ’s standard of righteousness: The issue was the loose attitudes of even the religious Jews in Jesus’ day. What could they get away with and still be considered decent people? Christ went back to the original command of God, quoting from Genesis 1:27 and 2:24. He dismissed the attitude of the day, that woman was less human than man — they were both made in God’s image, and due to this it was unjust for a man to dismiss the woman like she was beneath him in status. Secondly, he upheld the biblical creation account of marriage as an institution — a binding relationship on earth where two people are joined to one another until death separates them. He upheld the biblical teaching that the husband and wife relationship was the bedrock of human civilization, and not the parent-child relationship as Confucius taught.
Matthew 19:1–12 has the same incident recorded and there Christ gave the allowance for adultery as a reason for divorce (Matt. 19:9), agreeing in principle with the Shammai rabinnical school. Why did Mark omit it? The reason is very simple, that the emphasis of Jesus’ teaching on this matter was not to give into the legalistic desire to find a loophole or a technical reason for divorce, rather to teach the wholehearted commitment to the original design of God for marriage. He dealt with the heart of obedience which was love for God, not merely the outward acts of obedience.
It is a common thing in speaking with others of doing almost anything for Christ, that someone speaks up like a lawyer and begins to ask for detailed understanding of the cost of commitment, asking extreme and unrealistic questions, out of fear pushing the matter to the worst-case scenario no matter how far-fetched and ridiculous. Commitment to Christ and obedience to his commands is not about some technical contract between two parties. It is a matter of surrender to him, to follow him no matter what the cost, even from the very beginning taking up the very cross of our own crucifixion, or consigning ourselves over to death, and following him.
Understanding the biblical teachings on marriage and divorce: In light of the Matthew 19 and Mark 10 passages, and the differences between them, we should be cautioned to be sure hat we take into account the entire biblical teaching on the subject of divorce, and not limit it our interpretation to merely one passage. Christ’s point in this passage was not to give a definitive detailed answer on the subject, for there were many other circumstances that the Bible mentions elsewhere, but rather to confront the negative view of the legalists, that saw doing the will of God as something onerous and unpleasant, rather than joyful and fulfilling. He brought the issue of obedience down to the heart, whereas the legalists kept all matters on the surface limiting them to actions, not thought and values.
Another important biblical teaching on divorce was that after divorce the couple were not allowed to remarry one another (Deuteronomy 24:4). Divorce was to be final, a public admission of the failure of the relationship. To practice “easy divorce” and “easy remarriage” cheapens the entire idea of marriage. If a man said to his wife, “I will divorce you next week, and go on a personal trip for sexual experimentation, and then re-marry you when I return,” he would only be fooling himself if he thought his actions would not be wrong.
What is clear is that the intent of marriage must always be a complete commitment to each other between husband and wife. Marriage was viewed as a “covenant” relationship where two people were giving 100% each to one another for the rest of their lives (Mal. 2:14). But God’s grace is great, and there are many people who have been through divorce who have found his forgiveness and their personal restoration. And divorces come in all shapes and sizes. Though the law may allow for divorce, and though God’s forgiveness can be gained after divorce — divorce is not the unforgivable sin, nor are divorcees mentioned as excluded from heaven (Rev. 21:8) — we should also understand the pain it causes to people and to the children of divorce.
Application for us: The loose sexual morality (or immorality) of Jesus’ day is rampant in ours as well. Sex is not given so that we may become selfish in its exercise, but rather it is given to be expressed between husband and wife.
If you are married, seek to understand the intent of God for creating marriage in the first place. Fall in love with your spouse again, and recommit your heart to him or to her. See yourselves as “one flesh” and “one life” together. If you are engaged to be married, realize that marriage is intended to be for life. You should marry in the Lord, that is another believer (1 Cor 7:39), and commit your heart and life to one another.
But for all of God’s commands, we should understand that he has given us these to bless us, no to curse us, but to make life enjoyable and fulfilling.
