Nix
Nix
Aug 26, 2017 · 2 min read

Back to the Poet

I want to get back to the poet, of myself.
The young person of me, with their journal in hand.
Sitting in their room, searching for a pen.
Searching for a pen frantically while an image sailed across my mind.
Sailing across my mind like clouds in a blue sky.
I caught those clouds, as I wrote frantically, making sure those clouds stay put in the blue sky.
I remember this.
I remember not knowing much about my brain.
I remember knowing that my heart held something, true.
Not true in the sense of my viewing of politics.
Not true in the sense of my viewing of God.
Simply true in the sense of my feeling of love and how my love could conquer my fear.
There I was, a teenager.
While other teenagers I knew were doing their homework in the warmth of their homes, there I was.
Just a teenager without much guidance.
My mother had died and my father was living in his own hell.
There I was, just a teenager, sitting in their bed.
At times, all I had was a notebook, a pen, and an idea.
I knew back then, that when all my drama was exhausted, I had my notebook and my pen.
I had this feeling in the deep of my stomach, where my guts were tied in knots, that I could find freedom with a piece of paper and a pen.
I had poetry.
I remember loving rhymes.
I remember loving images caught on film with little quotes I created.
Yes, looking back now, my ideas and quotes were worthy of a cheesy Hallmark card.
Not much has changed.
Not much has changed, for I still write poems of hope, faith and love.
As a teenager, this is what I felt in my heart.
As a grown, mature person, this is what I feel in my heart.

Hope, faith and love.
The rhymes are not important any longer.
I have realized that when my poems are spoken aloud, the rhythms are that of my heart beat.
The tones are that of my voice, rising and falling.
Sentences become louder or softer.
Like the rise and the fall of an ocean’s wave lifting and crashing.
Like the different sounds of thunder and rain.
I speak my love, my fear and my hope like a dream.
For that is what poetry means for me.
It is the dream of what love means for me.
It is the battle between my fear and my faith.
It is the need for hope to continue with my life.
It is the way I express myself the best.
Poetry.
Maybe I am the Poet.
Maybe I am not the Poet.
Maybe none of that matters.

For the heart beat has a different rhythm in the constant sound of its drum.

Written by Nix

nixdaego

Soul Quest

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Nix

Written by

Nix

Single-mama, warrior, lover of life, poet

nixdaego

nixdaego

Soul Quest

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