Nothing and Everything
I want to write.
I think I should write.
Red flag: “I think”.
Red flag: “I should”.
Thing is, am nothing and everything.
I am a writer, and I am not a writer.
When I write, I am a writer.
What about when I do not sit down to write?
Am I still a writer?
I believe, I am what I am, at the moment.
I am the experience.
I am nothing, and I am everything.
I choose how to fill my space.
In this moment, I am a human being.
I am listening to Pink Floyd’s ‘Wish you Were Here.’
We really are just two lost souls swimming in a fish bowl, year after year.
I am okay with being lost.
If I am lost, I am willing to find myself, again and again.
I am writing, right now, simply to write.
Because, why not?
(There are dishes in the sink that are waiting to be cleaned. Perhaps I am engaging in writing, while hoping they will clean themselves.)
The sky is blue.
I sat on my deck for a long while, out there.
I am mastering the art of being nothing, and experiencing everything.
There was a time where writing a new song was urgent.
There was a time where writing an essay or a poem was urgent.
There was a time when washing the dishes was urgent.
Urgency.
I have left that part of myself, mostly.
The urgency to be somebody.
I am.
I am.
I am somebody.
I do not need to be anything.
I have been listening to music, as opposed to playing music.
And, I have been reading other’s writings, as opposed to writing, myself.
Perhaps, even at this moment, I felt like I ‘should’ write something.
That something is this:
I have been healing through your music.
I have been learning from your writings.
I have been sitting in the sun, and closing my eyes.
Sitting in the sun, with its warmth, thinking of nothing.
Thinking of everything.
I have been feeding the ducks at the nearby pond.
I talk with them about nothing and everything.
I have been smiling with every sip of tea that I consume.
I have been thanking my car for starting.
I have been stretching and releasing my tension.
I have been making up silly songs with my 8 year old and dancing around with him, wondering who the true child really is.
I have been listening to folk’s heartbreaking stories, as I ring up their groceries.
I have been thinking of my family and friends with pure thoughts of love for them.
I have been thinking about life.
I have been thinking about death.
I have been thinking about my childhood.
I have been thinking about how to get the best out of my glorious mornings.
I have been thinking about how the years are flying by.
I have been thinking about my brother who has passed away. Thinking to myself that last year, at this time, he had 4 months left to live on this planet.
I have been thinking that I try my best, 100% of the time.
Then,
I think of nothing.
Then,
I just sit there.
And, literally think of nothing.
And, thinking of nothing feels really good.
I am nothing.
I am everything.
Right now, I am a writer.
In 2 minutes I will be a dish washer.
2 minutes have passed.
Those dishes chose to not clean themselves.
The end.
Written by Nix

