Nothing and Everything

Nix
Nix
Sep 3, 2018 · 3 min read

I want to write.

I think I should write.

Red flag: “I think”.

Red flag: “I should”.

Thing is, am nothing and everything.

I am a writer, and I am not a writer.

When I write, I am a writer.

What about when I do not sit down to write?

Am I still a writer?

I believe, I am what I am, at the moment.

I am the experience.

I am nothing, and I am everything.

I choose how to fill my space.

In this moment, I am a human being.

I am listening to Pink Floyd’s ‘Wish you Were Here.’

We really are just two lost souls swimming in a fish bowl, year after year.

I am okay with being lost.

If I am lost, I am willing to find myself, again and again.

I am writing, right now, simply to write.

Because, why not?

(There are dishes in the sink that are waiting to be cleaned. Perhaps I am engaging in writing, while hoping they will clean themselves.)

The sky is blue.

I sat on my deck for a long while, out there.

I am mastering the art of being nothing, and experiencing everything.

There was a time where writing a new song was urgent.

There was a time where writing an essay or a poem was urgent.

There was a time when washing the dishes was urgent.

Urgency.

I have left that part of myself, mostly.

The urgency to be somebody.

I am.

I am.

I am somebody.

I do not need to be anything.

I have been listening to music, as opposed to playing music.

And, I have been reading other’s writings, as opposed to writing, myself.

Perhaps, even at this moment, I felt like I ‘should’ write something.

That something is this:

I have been healing through your music.

I have been learning from your writings.

I have been sitting in the sun, and closing my eyes.

Sitting in the sun, with its warmth, thinking of nothing.

Thinking of everything.

I have been feeding the ducks at the nearby pond.

I talk with them about nothing and everything.

I have been smiling with every sip of tea that I consume.

I have been thanking my car for starting.

I have been stretching and releasing my tension.

I have been making up silly songs with my 8 year old and dancing around with him, wondering who the true child really is.

I have been listening to folk’s heartbreaking stories, as I ring up their groceries.

I have been thinking of my family and friends with pure thoughts of love for them.

I have been thinking about life.

I have been thinking about death.

I have been thinking about my childhood.

I have been thinking about how to get the best out of my glorious mornings.

I have been thinking about how the years are flying by.

I have been thinking about my brother who has passed away. Thinking to myself that last year, at this time, he had 4 months left to live on this planet.

I have been thinking that I try my best, 100% of the time.

Then,

I think of nothing.

Then,

I just sit there.

And, literally think of nothing.

And, thinking of nothing feels really good.

I am nothing.

I am everything.

Right now, I am a writer.

In 2 minutes I will be a dish washer.

2 minutes have passed.

Those dishes chose to not clean themselves.

The end.

Written by Nix

nixdaego

Soul Quest

Nix

Written by

Single-mama, warrior, lover of life, poet

nixdaego

Soul Quest

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