Reflections
Through the window
I sit here. Everyday, at my desk, and peer through the window. The window is opened, and the breeze streams through it. The rippling duck pond, below, acts as a white noise. I feel like I am sitting near a flowing creek, all of the time. I have never enjoyed a living space quite like I have enjoyed this one.
My windows are opened. Even in the winter time, I open them, just so I can still hear the rippling duck pond. It is relaxing for me to listen to. It is my comfort zone, a place to have thoughts that aren’t hesitant, or judged.
This week, I have let the breeze in. I have no control over the breeze flowing in, or out of my apartment. Unless I wanted to shut all of my windows closed, I would have control of the breeze, but why would I do that? I would not.
The air has flown in and out of these windows, just as I have flown in and out of thought. Just as I have flown in and out of fear. Just as I have flown in and out of self-confidence. Just as I have flown in and out of worry, joy, loneliness, and sadness. I let it flow in, and I let it flow out again.
Like a breeze.
Like a breeze.
Like a breeze.
Yes, I have my worries, but they appear to be insignificant for they are just the fears I have created in my mind.
Yes, I have joy, but that joy comes and goes depending on the remembrance of my gratitude. When I remember what I do have in my life, the joy peaks.
Yes, I have loneliness, but it is only when I am resisting the journey back to self.
Yes, I have sadness, but only when I visit the places I have hurt. I visit, I become sad, and then I remember these are simply days of my past. I am not hurt now, not today.
Like a breeze, thoughts and emotions circle my mind like the air circulating in my loft. I breathe in and out these thoughts and emotions. At times, I look back and see where I have come up short for air. I can see where I have fought the air. I can see where, and I make my adjustment. I adjust to the air around me, for the air is not going to adjust to my resistance.
I keep the windows open. Rain, shine, dark, light, snow, warm sun, noise outside and I love the air. I just need air to breathe and I know all will be okay. Even when life finds me afraid, I know I will be okay.
Shallow breath has deepened within my awareness. Longer breaths, as of recent, have been noticeable. I have been more noticeable to myself. Accepting who I am. I have been accepting who I am. Not what I wish to be, not what I think I should be, but exactly who I am. Learning to love who you are seems like simple enough a thought. The thought sounds nice, the actions in doing so take work. All the hours have been worth it, and I do not think I will ever stop learning to love who I am.
I was meant to be here.
Now that I am here, I am meant to do something with that.
Know Thyself, and Love Thyself.
Here I am.
Next to the opened window and listening to the rippling duck pond, I am here. I need nothing but the air.
Much gratitude,
Nix

